@zeroforks@mastodon.social
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zeroforks

@zeroforks@mastodon.social

Desert person, nomad, sapiosexual, majorly into stand-up comedy, dark humor, and going down deep rabbit holes to avoid sleep. She/Her Instagram: @SlabCityGiftShop and/or @GirlUnhinged YouTube @GirlUnhinged

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zeroforks, to random
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So, yeah, I’m having a thing with my yoga instructor. But my theory is that in doing this I can knock out both my Pray and Love eras at once. Two birds, one downward facing dog.

And not to brag, but I already fucking mastered the Eat one like a savage.

zeroforks, to random
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And why again is “cheesy” an insult??

zeroforks, to random
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I’m now concerned about my search history if these are the suggestions it inspires.

zeroforks, to random
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Been there, done that, and thought I had learned my lesson until I did it again.

zeroforks, to random
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I used to be so afraid of aging. Until I realized that the most important things are the things it takes you decades to learn. Youth is a handicap. Youth blinds you from seeing the truth clearly. You are unable to hear someone’s intentions instead of their words. It prevents you from walking away sooner because you know your time is more important than their feelings.

zeroforks, to random
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zeroforks, to random
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Yesterday a 6 year old asked me if I could do the Vulcan salute, and that’s how I know this generation is gonna be ok.

zeroforks, to random
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I have this stuffed mushroom that my dog is jealous of. So I’ll pet it and he will stare at me in total disbelief about my cold hearted betrayal. So my dog is staring at me, broken heatedly, and I glance over and the cat is squinting at me like she has just lost the last of what very little respect she had left for me.

zeroforks, to random
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Another example of cats doing whatever the fuck they want - this was not my cat. He decided however, that he lives here, and now arrives twice daily to receive his food. This has been occurring for roughly 2 months. So I have lost all say in his residential claim, because he does, in fact, live here now.

video/mp4

zeroforks, to random
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Hey, inventor of banana flavored candy - go fuck yourself.

zeroforks, to random
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Thanks to Looney Tunes, my entire life I thought that a road runner was roughly the size of an ostrich (6 feet or so), until I moved to the desert and I find out they are actually only 2 feet. So apparently cartoons are just full of exaggerations? Good to know that my entire life has been one lie after another.

zeroforks,
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@bkm my entire faith in humanity is slowly crumbling this morning. Does anyone else know about this?? Someone should probably alert the media. The public has a right to know.

zeroforks, to random
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I hate how often someone on the west coast will assume since I’m from a certain city I’m the east coast, then I automatically know someone else from that city. I also hate how often I do.

dabertime, to random
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Hey, I just got your message..

Me opening and responding to my LinkedIn messages once every 6 months.

zeroforks,
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@billyjoebowers @dabertime took me a couple of reads to realize this was not “massages”. Because it seems like those should be obtainable through LinkedIn…

zeroforks, to random
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If I only remember the name of your pet, and not your name, don’t take that as me not paying attention. It’s just that I was paying attention to what was important.

zeroforks, to random
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All of the daylight saving posts, and complaints about it getting dark earlier blows my mind. Like did you just arrive on this planet? Have you been living in an underground cave system all of your life, or did you come from the darkest depths of the sea? Because this happens literally EVERY year. It’s happened your whole life, and unless an apocalypse changes it, it will continue.

zeroforks, to random
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I’m not hovering over my kitchen sink eating cold corn out of a can while listening to Mambo No.5, you are.

zeroforks,
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@dave only lyrics that are acceptable from here on out.

zeroforks, to random
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My dad reminded me today that I need to set my clock back a hour, and I was like, well my phone will automatically do it… and he asked in a concerned tone if that was the only clock I owned. We just stared silently for a few seconds and made a nonverbal agreement to never speak of this again.

zeroforks, to random
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I just wanna complain about a friend of mine (I thought) who gaslit me this morning over some photos from Halloween. So he got married Halloween night, and asked me to be in the wedding. I said sure, because he was my friend. Then he proceeded to post the wedding photos on FB. I told him I obviously didn’t care that he had the photos, but if he decided to post them online I wanted to be cropped out. He had already posted a few, and they had likes and comments, so he didn’t want to delete…(1/2)

zeroforks,
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(2/2) them. I am mostly absent from FB because my marriage ended w/ my ex taking a plea deal for 4 years on felony charges for domestic violence. But he’s out and has contacted a few friends and family members trying to track me down. He said, however, I was being paranoid about the whole thing and I shouldn’t have even been in the wedding if I was concerned. Mind you he knows my past, but asked me anyway. I really feel it’s my right to privacy, but maybe I should have said no to participating?

zeroforks,
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@Cassandra @RolloTreadway yeah, I honestly appreciate it in this case. Most of my other friends are mutuals, so I don’t wanna put them in the middle. I pretty much stated my case, and my other friends know the situation as well as far as my ex, so they can make up their own mind as to how they feel about it. I’d be happier if they didn’t immediately take one side or the other though, because that would show their ability to assess a situation properly.

zeroforks, to random
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I get a headache any time I try to comprehend the fact that if I went back in time and stopped myself from being born, then I wouldn’t exist to be able to actually go back in time in the first place. It breaks my brain.

zeroforks, to random
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Rewatching a SNL episode from 11/20/99 (S25 E6), and the cold open is Trump talking about running for president. We had 16 years, 16 YEARS, yet we did nothing to prevent the insanity he brought to the presidency. Like, I know it was taken as a joke, because who would actually support and elect Trump?? Well, I guess now we know who would.

zeroforks, to random
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Took in 3 foster kittens today, which are quickly turning into 3 adopted kittens. Because KITTENS.

Two black kittens staring suspiciously at the camera, most likely freaking out about the very large hairless giant who has kitten-napped them
Striped kitten sleeping against its makeshift food bowl
Striped kitten showing extreme annoyance at being woken up for yet another photo.

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