hungry_joe

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

remember when i got Ann Summers sued by MGM because I wrote 'bend me, shape me, any way you want me' for a bendy sex toy campaign that went in every shop window in the uk without checking whether those lyrics were copyrighted first

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

"but i didn't shave"

honey i once ate a curly wurly i found on the floor of a taxi, lie back

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

me, sexy voice: baby im gonna take you to pound land

her: do you mean pound town?

me, holding a bag of off-brand wine gums, a wireless phone charger, and a tin of pedigree chum: nope

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

the gym's cool an' that but why does everything have to be so heavy

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

deeply suspicious when a guy describes himself as "open-minded," he either wants an argument about politics or he's going to ask if he can fuck my girlfriend

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

you can replace all the syllables in Timothee Chalamet with different ones and you still know exactly who i'm talking about. Watch this:

Fidgety Chevrolet
Jiminy Creme-Brulee
Lemony Lingerie

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

Podcasts are a great way for straight white men to summarise a 15-minute topic into only 4 hours.

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

Iconic.

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

it me, i am an art

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

Finally, a menu that understands me

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

interviewer: wow 40 years old and no gaps on your CV

me: yep thats right i am completely burned out, if u hire me imma prolly have a breakdown in the first month

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

me: i need a hifi

hitachi: we can do that

me: cool. now if only i could find a fucking great big vibrator

hitachi: buddy you aint gonna believe this

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

this is the worst funeral i've ever been to, can't believe i bleached my asshole for this

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

interviewer: can you explain these holes in your resume?

me: yeah i ate some of it

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

1st tattoo: this melting hourglass is a reflection on how i am a but passenger caught in the stream of life doomed to run out of time

50th tattoo: this slice of pizza is because i like pizza

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

sorry i yelled WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I AM while we were having sex

video/mp4

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

me: i need a motorbike

yamaha: we can do that

me: great. now i just need to find a piano

yamaha: ur not gonna believe this

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

This is a gorgeous colour grade even if I say so myself

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

found my bedroom on google maps

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

𝒶𝓈𝓀 𝓃𝑜𝓉
𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓂
𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝒶𝓃𝑔𝓈,
𝒾𝓉 𝒷𝒶𝓃𝑔𝓈
𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝑒

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

god inventing the parrot:

what if a gay duck could scream human words

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

bob marley: i shot the sheriff

detective: i didnt ask you about the sheriff

bob marley: shit

detective: i asked you about the deputy

bob marley: i did not shoot the deputy

detective: ok but now tell me more about this sheriff

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

my gf's got legs for days (flippers for nights)