No matter how well I learnt to mask, no matter how well I learnt to get on with people, if not in any deep and meaningful way, at least superficially. There has always been one skill that I have never mastered and that is simply the ability to not upset people and especially without having the slightest idea how.
Or that I didn't for a long time, anyway. It was only when I realised that I was autistic and that the way I looked at the world was in some ways substantively different from the way many allistics looked at the world, that I began to understand something. Allistics tend to find validation externally, through feedback from the group or the part of society that they identify with, whereas autistics tend to find it within themselves, in their own reason and sense of worth and value.
Now I must stress that in many respects this is a generalisation and obviously there will be a lot of variation and degree in how true this is. But in its more extreme forms, it could very well explain many of the experiences and difficulties that I've had.
Because if someone's self-worth, the value they see in their life and actions, is almost entirely based on their interactions with the dynamics of the group they identify with, or the society they live within and not from their own judgement, then this could lead to certain choices and reactions that are quite frankly alien to someone like me and that I could easily end up in conflict with and all without really trying to.
For example, if the value of a child reflects back on its parents. Then in the extreme case the values and behaviour expected from that child, are not those of the child, but of the parents in terms of the group the child is meant to be representing them in and how well it is doing that. So any sense of divergence from that or criticism of that child, no matter how slight that might be, could easily be seen as an attack on the parents and reacted to accordingly, irrespective of how reasonable or just it was.
Equally, of course, worth, praise, or rewards, can also become divorced from any sense of reality. All that matters is that you, whether that's through your children or not, are being valued, not whether there is any justice to it. Because the truth or validity of it, is not based on how you see yourself, but only on how others see you. And in the extreme case, it doesn't even matter how they came to this view, as long as they have it. So worth can become something to be manipulated and played for and how you really are and how you actually feel about yourself becomes almost irrelevant to this process.
That people could even be this way, that everything could become how you're being perceived and anything that effects that negatively can be something to be attacked, is still something that I struggle to understand. It is so foreign to my nature. But, it certainly explains so many of the times that I've upset people, because I wasn't playing this game, or seeing the world the way I should and didn't even realise it.
@pathfinder@EVDHmn@actuallyautistic Throughout my working life (40+years) there was generally someone who ‘got’ and worked well with me — and they were tasked with telling me (nicely) who I had pissed off, and helping me to frame whatever Words needed to be said
(I remember asking ‘Who do I need to apologize to?’ more than once)
So, I was on a long drive yesterday, and put on some pump me up music, so I didn't get sleepy. I just put something on YouTube, and I ended up in the group of music that I would call Peak Mid to Late Millenial. For perspective, I'm one of the Gappers, not quite old enough to be Gen X, but also feel too old to be a Millenial, although I suppose I technically am, just an Ancient one. ANYWAY, this music, on the surface, sounds like bubble gum pop dance music, the kind you dance in "da club" to, but as I was listening, I realized most of the lyrics had a trend that broke down basically to this:
Get your friends together, drink heavily, have sex, party, DANCE, GO LIVE IN THE PRESENT, because we will all probably die young anyway.
Most of these songs are probably between 10-15 years old, and honestly probably really caught onto the zeitgeist of the time. Hope didn't work, we are still caught in a shit conflict none of us want to be in. The world is actively burning, and no one in power wants to save it. We make less money than our parents and their parents, we'll probably never get to own a home, we'll probably have college debt forever, if we could even afford to go. Might as well party your life away. I do wonder if Trump was a pretty big slap in the face about how bad it could really go, because this Apocalypse attitude seems to be changing a bit, or maybe Gen Z is just rebelling against their sad grunge Gen X parents. LOL
Either way, that was some kind of a ramble, share your thoughts on this, and listen to a peak representation of this musical phenomenon. It's kind of a banger.
I appreciate you all letting me get my feelings and thoughts off my chest. I appreciate your engagement and I just want you to know I’ve learned a lot. Thanks for that.❤️ ✊🏾
@EVDHmn@filmfreak75@actuallyautistic@autistics I gotta say — I was alone in the house, so could let out a few big screams as the neighbor ran a loud compressor OFF and ON all afternoon yesterday
It was really helpful, and now I’m a grownup so no one can whomp me for it
For my local autism group movie nights, I am looking for recommendations of sensory-friendly movies.
Criteria include calm soundtrack, slower-paced action, quieter narrative, and no rapid cuts, fast camera movements, loud or uncomfortable sound effects or flashing lights.
Internet research only gave me results for sensory-friendly cinema events, which is not what we are looking for.
Letterboxd also has no such lists, but I will attempt to create one.
@Gaysis@actuallyautistic Look for the animated short movie ’Louise By The Shore’ in which an older woman is left in a seaside town after the last train leaves at summer’s end. It’s so very great
Morning. I feel like I have swallowed a stone, there’s a weight in my chest and I’m dragging myself around. Once my mood gets like this, I fear it’s going to stay this low forever. Trying to cognitively challenge, but… Not sure I can work today, so now I’m worried about that 😞
@purplepadma i had one of those fortnights a few weeks back but now i am okay again 🤗 if the weight is feelings i find i need to hide in order to unpack and deal with them (find them even) so can’t even crack on until that job is done 🪻 i hope you feel lighter soon
I named a plant in the hallway Ursula. I told everyone in the house to say hello to her when they walk by. I'm in bed and I just heard my son's door open and him say "Hello, Ursula." 🤣
@StillIRise1963 When my son and his partner were visiting at Thanksgiving, she came to ask what should be done about the cricket in the shower. ‘I know there are some insects you don’t kill; is this one of them?’ 🥰 and I had chased the cricket before they arrived 🦗 so this time he was exiled to the garage
also picked up something pretty special today, that I had never heard of until now: the Apple 1984 Annual Report.
for today’s apple an annual report is just a boring folder full of meaningless corporatespeak. but the apple of 84 still had its dna intact, and was living in the throes (and fears) of the Macintosh launch, and their straw man war with ibm.
the middle even has a four page foldout centrefold of the massive macintosh production line. the apple // still gets many nods, as its sales are still the lifeblood of the company
the pages are elegantly laid out, probably by chiat/day, and have a tasteful eye for design throughout.
it makes me wish i had been a macintosh user back in 1984, so I could have lived out this history from the inside.
@AbandonedAmerica All of the wrong things, I’m afraid :D the balcony was already closed at that time, lots of graffiti in the bathrooms.
Matt has been fighting the good fight for years.
@CountBinface Remember when Truss got out the car at Q Elizabeth’s funeral and the newspeople thought she was an official from one of the colonies? That was funny
