Help me formulate the dullest response to colleagues when they goad me into telling them why I quit

This happens in Germany.

Work culture doesn’t fit my personality: I don’t talk much, I keep to myself, I simply want to do my job and go home, I separate my personal life from work, my colleagues are full fledged gossips, ignore the duties that need to be done and then expect me to help them when they are late. I don’t have patience for that crap anymore.

Due to internal regulations, I have to stay on the unit for 4 weeks after sending my notice. Answering honestly the question of why I’m quitting would ensure that they yell at me and bully me, and I don’t want to experience that again. Even saying ‘it’s none of your business’ ensures that they feel insulted and start yelling. I have decided I don’t have patience for people like that anymore.

So, what do I say?

some_guy,

Just say, “I don’t feel passionate about this work and I want to look for something that I find more fulfilling.”

HikingVet,

The colour of the walls irritates me.

deadbeef,

This damnable prison of log and ice eats away at my fibre. I find the lack of culture astonishing.

SharkEatingBreakfast,
@SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz avatar

Put on a painfully sad face and say that you/someone in your family has medical issues and that you don’t want to speak more about it.

taladar,

That could backfire if you meet those coworkers in the future and they ask about that.

doublejay1999,
@doublejay1999@lemmy.world avatar

Then you simply say “I was being polite. I hated the place”

SharkEatingBreakfast,
@SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz avatar

Not at all.

If someone asks another person close to OP about their “medical issue” and the other person is clueless, there’s a way out.

Say they’re confronted by an old coworker later down the line who says “I talked to your sister/mother/SO/best friend/whatever and they said that you don’t have any medical issues!”

Then OP simply acts upset and says “you told × about my private medical issue???” and act distressed over it.

However, I doubt these coworkers care about follow-up. So this situation is very unlikely to occur.

Private medical issue = private. Even people close may not know. It’s a good alibi.

mo_lave,

Make the response about you and you only. Even referring to the workplace would be tricky. Some of your coworkers might take criticism of the workplace personally.

Vanth, (edited )
@Vanth@reddthat.com avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    ShepherdPie,

    This is where my mind went too. Instead of a dull response, come up with some elaborate, ridiculous response.

    Tell them you got recruited by the US CIA to root out foreign corporate espionage and begin your training with Seal Team Six in 4 weeks.

    SharkAttak,
    SharkAttak avatar

    So, an elaborate form of "if I told you, I'd have to kill you after"

    B0rax,

    “My undercover job here is done.”

    breadsmasher,
    @breadsmasher@lemmy.world avatar

    “my doctor told me if I dont leave I will have a heart attack”

    no_kill_i,

    "I found something better, but I’m not able to divulge what it is at this time. "

    Or

    “You! You’re the reason I’m quitting.”

    “I won the lottery! No, you can’t have any.”

    Or, Give each of them a different reason and watch them go crazy trying to figure it out.

    Nemo,

    Start telling a long and rambling story that in no way relates. Keep talking until interrupted.

    Tangent5280,

    If they ask you to get to the part where the reason for quitting comes up, insist on giving them the “necessary” “context”.

    Then continue talking, except this time about some completely different incident. If they ask you to complete the previous incident, insist you were talking about this new incident all along.

    LoamImprovement,

    Be sure to punctuate your actions with the occasional “…Which was the style at the time.”

    Nemo,

    Exactly the example I was thinking of. “Give me five bees for a nickel, you’d say.”

    pingveno,

    I remember being on the hiring committee for my new manager. One of the two finalist candidates took several times longer than necessary to answer the questions without adding substance. When we met to discuss our decision, most committee members tried to voice more substantive reasons. Finally someone just cut the shit and said something like “it sounds like no one wants to listen to him talk.” So yes, yammering is an excellent people repellent.

    Kalkaline,
    @Kalkaline@leminal.space avatar

    Interrupt yourself with explanations that jump from place to place on the timeline of events but doesn’t help the story in the slightest. “It all began with (insignificant event) back in (month and year). We were supposed to be doing (work task with too detailed of an explanation), but (coworker) started talking to us about (current event at the time, explain in too much detail). Then (I/family member/friend) got COVID about a week or so later. I think they probably got it from not wearing a mask at (event). (Explain all the COVID precautions and conspiracies and left vs right politics).”

    VelvetStorm,

    So basically watch some Trump speeches and mimic them.

    LittleBorat2,

    People who talk like that exist and I have to work with them on my team. They have been to, I think, a psychiatric hospital multiple times too.

    mp3,
    @mp3@lemmy.ca avatar

    Just say you’re leaving for personal reasons. If they keep harassing you, can’t you just… not show up?

    SomeBoyo,

    A bearded stranger told me to throw away a ring.

    captainjaneway,
    @captainjaneway@lemmy.world avatar

    Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him.

    SomeBoyo,

    Best I can do is have a bearded man expose you as a thief to your neighbours, only to have have his friends party at your home at a later point in time.

    richieadler,

    “I’d rather not say”. Repeat this single answer until they desist.

    VinesNFluff,
    @VinesNFluff@pawb.social avatar

    Assuming they don’t know what you’ll be doing after?

    Say “found a new opportunity.”

    You could be headed into unemployment and that’d still be a businesslike and no nonsense reply.

    ArtieShaw,

    Is "going back to school" a thing in Germany? From what I know about that education system I'm guessing not, but in the US that's a standard answer.

    "I want to move to be closer to my aging parents." - might work. If you haven't shared much about your life, it's an easy lie. And it's dull and depressing, so the odds of followup questions are slim. I hear it a lot when interviewing job candidates in our area.

    peereboominc,

    “I can’t get any joy from the work anymore. I used to get joy from it. Don’t get me wrong, the colleagues are nice and all”

    Probably most of your colleagues will agree with you and nobody gets offended.

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