Please don't forge ahead with trying to create mutual aid offline communities, with pleas to public about how it helps BIPOC - without talking to or asking for input from us, first.
Please don't ever speak for us, when you haven't even made efforts to speak TO US, first. This is about respect for #POCvoices. I feel the same about disability rights fights - nothing without us; you need to remember to talk to us, first.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow I'm immune to the weak guilt trips attempted by white saviour types when I try to be civil about POC community needs & why it's essential to talk to us prior to running off & doing something in our names. We just want some prior consultation & consent - it's respect & it's very important. People who call themselves POC allies but can't grasp what I'm communicating here - should step back & educate themselves more. They should start talking to us more, too.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow It's why I really like using a talking stick with new folks - especially if I'm meeting more than 2 at once. It helps folks to learn how to actively listen & learn to give silent space for others to share their voices ❤️
@zakalwe@Snowshadow In my Indigenous Vietnamese villagers' family side - we use similar teaching communication tool. We use foot of golden eagle as our talking stick. It is used in same way, in our community sharing & restorative justice tribal healing circles.
I've found many symbolic teaching tools & similar ritual ceremonial honouring of ancestors in multiple Indigenous cultures, worldwide. It makes my heart feel warmer ❤️
@msquebanh@Snowshadow I am given to understand that European explorers and settlers couldn't understand what was going on at Native American tribal meetings. The chiefs would just sit in a circle, sometimes passing pipes back and forth, and then occasionally one of them would say something. And then they'd go back to sitting silently again. And the Europeans couldn't understand that they were only speaking when they thought they had something worth saying. And that when they all sat there silently in between, they were thinking about what had been said.
Western culture is far too much about being heard, and not nearly enough about having something to say worth hearing.
@ArtBear@Snowshadow@zakalwe You know my true personal test with new friends - who want to be true, longtime friends is? I see how comfy or uncomfy they are - when I say nothing for an hour. I see how they respond to silence.
(Though also I have to admit that sometimes inactivity makes me anxious. I feel I should be accomplishing something. Sometimes it's difficult to just relax and be there.)
@zakalwe What helps me get over the feeling of "guilt for wasting time" is reminding myself that sitting quietly is a positive mental health exercise. It is self-care. And sitting quietly with someone is the same.@msquebanh@ArtBear
It's not about guilt for wasting time. It's ... well, a lot of things. Feeling that there are too many things I should have done. Missing things I can't do any more. If I'm in that kind of anxious mood, it's ... probably not a good time to just sit quietly.
Restful peace is never wasted. But sometimes your head's just not in the right place for it.
@Snowshadow@msquebanh@ArtBear I guess a large part of it is that for over twenty years I have been forced to be mostly sedentary by injuries. And that's just not good for my head. I used to do martial arts, and I loved to run. I could crank out back-to-back five-minute miles and not be winded at the end. And that all went away in one moment. Because one driver wasn't paying attention.
@Snowshadow@msquebanh@ArtBear yeah, I was on my customized '91 VFR750F3 when I got T-boned by someone who made an illegal left turn across a divided expressway. (On my way home from returning a lost wallet.)
"You know, um... I used to think that it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." — Ranger Marcus Cole, babylon 5
@zakalwe@Snowshadow@ArtBear My parents told me at a very young age to not expect fairness in this world. They also taught me it's good to fight against the unfairness & if I can do that, I should.
@msquebanh@zakalwe@Snowshadow My parent experience was skewed another way. my parents also taught me about injustice, but by deed not intention. If I'm unsure what to do, I think of what they would have done, then do the opposite.
@ArtBear@Snowshadow@zakalwe This reminds me of a childhood friend who became a very strong anti-racist activist in adulthood. Her WS parents killed our childhood friendship & tried to teach her to hate anyone who wasn't white. She was beaten up by her parents for hanging out with me. I reported her parents for abuse. Govt left her with parents & she ran away at age 14.(1)
@ArtBear@Snowshadow@zakalwe (2) She found me again, at age 18 & we hugged/cried. We spent 2 yrs trying to rescue her 2 siblings after & only could rescue the youngest. Older one was brainwashed by then & threatened to shoot his sis(my friend), if they ever tried coming back to property. My long lost friend & I plowed forward & healed together ❤️ We keep praying for her brother.
@msquebanh@ArtBear@Snowshadow@zakalwe My grandmother's sister used to walk over to my grandmother's house in the evening and they'd talk about the town's news, and then sit quietly as the light faded. Very peaceful.
@Snowshadow@zakalwe It's pretty essential to me to teach young folks - there is no great power, without great responsibility. When you avoid great responsibility but grip to great power - you'll lose power & all chances at true greatness. No human is immune to this. None.
@msquebanh@Snowshadow Western culture does not teach responsibility well. Too many people who just want everything now, and any resulting issues are Somebody Else's Problem.
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