markwyner, 7 days ago to dadjokes Patient: I need a doctor’s appointment. Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow. Patient: no, I don’t need that many. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Patient: I need a doctor’s appointment.
Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow.
Patient: no, I don’t need that many.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
markwyner, 8 days ago to dadjokes Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?” #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
markwyner, 10 days ago to dadjokes Judge: you’re guilty of downloading Wikipedia. Me: wait. I can explain everything. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Wikipedia
Judge: you’re guilty of downloading Wikipedia.
Me: wait. I can explain everything.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Wikipedia
markwyner, 15 days ago to dadjokes How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
markwyner, 19 days ago to dadjokes I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records. I need Help. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Beatles #TheBeatles
I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records.
I need Help.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Beatles #TheBeatles
markwyner, 20 days ago to dadjokes I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop. But when I got home, all the signs were there. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
markwyner, 22 days ago to dadjokes Me: I built a model of Mt. Everest. Wife: is it to scale? Me: no, it’s to look at. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Me: I built a model of Mt. Everest.
Wife: is it to scale? Me: no, it’s to look at.
markwyner, 30 days ago to dadjokes Landlord: we need to talk about the heating bill. Me: sure, my door is always open. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Landlord: we need to talk about the heating bill.
Me: sure, my door is always open.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes Most math puns aren’t funny. But sum are. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math
Most math puns aren’t funny.
But sum are.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes My friend: have you even heard a word I’ve said? Me: what an odd way to begin a conversation. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ADHD #ImSorry
My friend: have you even heard a word I’ve said?
Me: what an odd way to begin a conversation.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ADHD #ImSorry
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange? Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Colors
Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange?
Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Colors
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes Love it! Credit: https://www.iflscience.com/ #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ActuallyItIsMyFault #Science #Earthquakes Cute animation of two large chunks of earth talking to each other. They’re sharing a fault line. The one telling the joke smiles large when the music plays while the other looks angry.
Love it!
Credit: https://www.iflscience.com/
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ActuallyItIsMyFault #Science #Earthquakes
Cute animation of two large chunks of earth talking to each other. They’re sharing a fault line. The one telling the joke smiles large when the music plays while the other looks angry.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Bees
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Bees
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean.
Both crews were marooned.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes What do you call friends you like to eat with? Taste buds. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Food
What do you call friends you like to eat with?
Taste buds.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Food
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind. It’s tearable.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
Only a fraction of people will understand this.
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes What do you call people who teach anonymously on Mastodon? Private tooters. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Mastodon #Toot
What do you call people who teach anonymously on Mastodon?
Private tooters.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Mastodon #Toot
markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes Two guys walk into a bar. You’d think the second would’ve ducked. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Two guys walk into a bar.
You’d think the second would’ve ducked.
markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes A termite walks into a bar. He says “is the bar tender here?” #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
A termite walks into a bar.
He says “is the bar tender here?”
markwyner, 2 months ago to dadjokes Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Science
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Science