@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

AutisticDoctorStruggles

@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to

(fully-vaccinated!) #PhDone '21. late-id #ActuallyAutistic. Burnout & depression lived experience. #neurodivergent 🎧 #womanInSTEM 👩‍🔬🧬 #crafter 🪡🧵🧶 #catLover 🐈‍⬛ #gaming 🎮🎲 #atheist #childfree #music 🎶🎸 #metal 🤘

Abortion is healthcare.
Trans rights are human rights.
Disability rights are human rights.
Black lives matter.
Smash the patriarchy.

Get vaccinated!

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dyani, to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic yay! 🎉 💚

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I feel terrible. I’ve held it together up until now but I’m very tearful missing Miss Cinnamon

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma @SurrealSeal oh so glad to hear she's back!

AutisticDoctorStruggles, to random
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

I thought I was gonna get a full but kind of cozy and calm day in the lab. But things are not going so well with my RNA extraction (which has worked beautifully in my hands a previous time, but I don't do this particular one regularly) so I had to stress to find someone who can give advice.. am afraid of losing the precious samples 🙈 aaaaaaahhhhhhhh

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma thanks 💜yeah trying to not feel too panicked and stressed, I am of course doing everything to the best of my ability. Hopefully I will get some purified RNA, the samples are nothing to be easily generated again unfortunately so I am feeling the pressure. The question is also if I will be able to use a different method to extract the other half today, otherwise all my planning will get delayed a lot, machine bookings will be hard to get etc... 🙈🙈🙈not what I needed to day! 😅🥲

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I didn’t garden. I went back to bed where I felt much safer. I dozed fitfully, depressed dreams. Missed lunch, missed the best of the weather. Came outside to find Tom and Miss Cinnamon pottering about sorting things on the patio. I just feel useless, an onlooker

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma sending love! It's ok to be useless, too (even if I think you're not). You are a worthy person even when you're just getting through the days, minute by minute. I hope you get some comfort! 💚

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma 💚💜 no, we didn't have one today but will on Thursday and we get Friday off! So it's a short week thankfully! Work has been intense so the break is highly appreciated!

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

After my manicure I went to the Spanish cafe, then I bought some birthday cards. When I got home it was lunchtime but all I wanted to do was sleep. I still feel terrible waking up 2 hours later. We’re supposed to be going to the pub with friends, but Tom postponed it until tomorrow to see if I’m any better.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma sorry the nap hasn't improved things! Good to take it easy! How's the weather over there? We suddenly got some sort of summer day today with 26 °C. Tomorrow is supposed to drop 10 degrees again 😅 perfect for a lazy Saturday

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma Walking is good! Hope it's nice enough for that :)

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I very nearly cancelled my manicure because I felt so awful, but I couldn’t do that to my nail tech and her small business, so I dragged myself there. I decided to be truthful when she asked how I was and we had a good chat, she said she gets v low at times so she understands and that we could maybe go for coffee sometime 💜

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma awwww seems like you got a great response!

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Good morning, I wanted to stay in bed but I have an appointment for a manicure. Usually this is ap treat, but today I’m dreading it because I don’t want to talk. But it would be unfair to cancel at such short notice. Ugh. How are you?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma Hope it won't be too intense with the talking and that you'll still feel a little nicer with the new manicure afterwards ;-)

I'm feeling pretty good, I slept a bit longer and better last night, the sun is out and I only need to do routine lab work (I can listen to music while I do it), no peopeling, which is great 😃

LehtoriTuomo, to actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Someone asked whether I ever played Doom. No, not really. I told that I've never liked first person shooters and then it hit me. I never liked them as there's too much going on. In fact, I've never been a big fan of any types of shooters, the only exception being Cannon Fodder. Now, with the new-found autistic perspective, it makes perfect sense. Sensory overdrive all the time equals no fun. How about my fellow autistics, any fans of shooters?

@actuallyautistic

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic I have only enjoyed Borderlands with my partner because they jump in the chaos, I can hang back and snipe people, as well as progression is player driven, not thrown at you. But it's really dependent on my energy levels whether this is fun. I also struggled with getting motion sickness when playing this 😅
Generally I prefer chill and casual games much more!

AutisticDoctorStruggles, to random
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma Charlotte, are you ok?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma glad to hear! I got a bit worried, as I usually wake up to some retoots and status updates from the night from you 😅

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma no no no, no apologies needed!! You're my pocket friend and me worrying a little is just what pocket friends do ;-)

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

PhD studies formally suspended for two months. As I anticipated, that means no pay 😬 My supervisor was so lovely, recognising how disappointing it is for me to be unwell again. She said, “It’s shit, Charlotte, I’m sorry”, and she’s right. I cried throughout the entire meeting 🙄

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma ooooh aside from the money situation I am so relieved you've been met with kindness and got some time. Ppl acknowledging my struggles always makes me cry too 🥲

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Oh I’m so anxious about everything. My heart is pounding. I’ve just got to focus on getting the result I need - a temporary suspension of my PhD studies. It will mean that my income is also suspended, but we’ll have to muddle through. As long as I don’t lose my PIP… 😬

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma fingers crossed! It sounds a really stressful and exhausting! I hope you get the outcome you wish for!

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I’m struggling and I need cuteness or soothing things in my feed, anyone able to oblige?

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma
Unfortunately I don't have any pets of my own to share pics, but I thought this bunny was both funny and cute:

Bunny Eating GIF

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

CMHT called just to say that someone else from the CMHT will call tomorrow to arrange an appointment. So bit of a pointless phone call. I really don’t know what to do with myself, I can’t concentrate on anything, not even just listening to an audiobook. Reading and TV are impossible. I can’t take in all the detail on social media. But if I’m not distracted I’m constantly thinking about running away and harming myself.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma I wish I had better help to offer. I really appreciate you as a kind of longtime online friend 🪻I'm sad to see you struggle, and I'm really sorry things have gotten so bad. I hope Tom and Miss Cinnamon are extra helpful for you today.

I found a sleepy kitten for you:

Cat Sleepy Sleepy GIF

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma you're so very welcome! I'm rooting for you 💜🫂

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Senior prac called very quickly and is making an immediate referral to the Community Mental Health Team (who I used to be seen by until I went into remission). She wants me to be seen today or tomorrow. Let's see what happens. If they will see me, Tom will drive me, as it’s very difficult to get to by public transport - so helpful for people who are no heavy duty psych meds that stop them from driving 🙃

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma ugh! So inaccessible! Fingers crossed they can see you soon!

freemo, to asd
@freemo@qoto.org avatar

If you are well organized, it is a healthy trait. no one would say you are "on the OCD spectrum".. but when that trait gets out of hand we would say you have OCD, and likely would be diagnosed as such.

I see (autism) ASD and ADHD as much the same way. Most people diagnosed with it who are high functioning dont really have it at all. It is just a personality trait and all in all a positive one. high-functioning ASD are just people without social hangups, good. And people with ADHD who are high-functioning are largely just amazing multi-taskers.

The harm in putting people on a spectrum is they see themselves asa diseased, broken, something that needs "consideration.. they arent, in most cases in the right proportions these "diseases" are in fact just super powers, things more people should wisht hey have really.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@freemo
They are different brain wiring though -whether or not you happen to live a life that disables you doesn't change the fact that you run a different "operation system".
I think this view plays into the pathologizing view of conditions like ADHD and autism. The harm in not "putting people on the spectrum" is perpetuating harmful preconceptions about them & what they mean for one's life. They also prevent people from having insights into how their brain works, should difficulties arise.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@freemo Functioning labels are not very useful, they are often used to dismiss autonomy or infantalize high-support need autistics. I've also heard many "high-functioning" autistic ppl/AuDHDers say that they're just high-masking & considering them high-functioning usually bars them from accessing support, so they struggle in silence. I'm that. I'm just one step away from burning out at all times but I'm highly educated,have job, partner, home, so am considered "high-functioning".

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@freemo would disagree that autism/ADHD is a disorder, also it seems most of the ppl considered "high-functioning" are struggling.

You definition also means that a perfectly accommodated person has lost the disorder, which makes no sense to me.

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Another night of waking every hour or so. I guess technically it’s my birthday now. Happy birthday me, I made to 50, who’d have thought. Once again I feel absolutely fine during the night, neither up nor down. The Goldilocks zone 😁

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma I wish you a happy birthday! And as we a bit morbidly say in my family " and that you stay healthy and well-behaved (skip that one!) and that you won't be run over by a car!"
May your nights be filled with rest and your days be gentle! 🍀

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

I have the sads.

AutisticDoctorStruggles,
@AutisticDoctorStruggles@mas.to avatar

@purplepadma 💜
Capibara therapy might help?

Capybara Cbt GIF

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