My oldest sent me this. My head just exploded. The first draft of my first 3000 word essay in uni was 8000 words long.
My history essays at uni were labours of love. I could never understand the concept of “pulling an all-nighter” the night before the essay was due. How was such a thing even possible? You had to do hours & hours of reading, note-taking, reflection…
And then write & write & write all that stuff that begged to be said, and then cull & cull & cull & then rewrite to knit the remaining pieces together fluently… And somehow end up with a piece that sent shivers down your spine & got you an HD.
Didn’t you? Or was that just me?
When teaching narrative writing to teens, I could only teach it in a formulaic way. I could only write formulaic model texts. They were quite good, with some character development, voice, interesting vocab etc, but the structure was formulaic.
I could never imagine myself as a writing a novel. Quirky short pieces maybe, but not a novel. And yet my oldest wrote their first novella as a teen.
I need to lie down. Oh, I am. It’s 5am and my cat adoption excitement has woken me. I’m discombobulated. Again.
@Susan60@actuallyautistic I wasn't even close to being a star student but I knocked my arts degree over in 2.5 years and managed 1 high distinction, from memory
I probably would have done a lot better if I put more effort in, and spent less time at the bar lol, but it all worked out in the end
I was in my 30s, single parent & part time retail worker. Took 4.5 years for my arts degree, mostly HDs & Ds, but to have settled for a lower standard wasn’t possible. Assignments only came together in a presentable form at the very end. Pulling them together took hours, let alone all the rest of it.
I’ve always been a “coper”, constantly trying to find ways to manage, to do what “needs” to be done etc, except for those periods when I was burnt out. I remember when feeling overwhelmed years ago, a counsellor helped me to see that it was possible to achieve everything that I needed to do over the next few days, as a single mum, students, part time worker. Which was great in the short term…
We got home from several days in Sydney yesterday. Monday & Tuesday we went out after spending the weekend with family, but kept it low key. Today I was supposed to head out for a counselling appointment, treating myself to a tram trip to a lovely neighbourhood & a cafe lunch afterwards. Instead she’s going to send me a link for an online session. And I might have a nap afterwards. I’m learning. Slowly. @actuallyautistic
My thoughts exactly. The private school I worked in was better (& expensive!) but only because the atmosphere was generally calmer, & kids less inclined to bully. (I think this is often due to generally lower levels of finance related family stress & angst, not because more privileged kids are in any way “nicer”.) Some autistic kids have higher levels of tolerance (I’m an example) but that doesn’t mean that they’re doing better than merely “coping”.
And if we start “streaming” autistic kids for their “suitability” for mainstream schools, we could end up with a distinction between “high functioning” kids who are simple better at coping & masking but not necessarily any “smarter”, & those with greater sensory needs, some of whom might thrive in smaller, quieter classes &/or with more support. @actuallyautistic
@Susan60@actuallyautistic We started our son off in a private school, and it was lovely there but he just more and more stressed. So we moved him to the public system and he is just so happy. Money does not buy your kids happiness.
Definitely not. I wonder what the issue was? I think the best schools are “good” public schools. They tend to be more innovative & consultative with both staff & students, depending on the principal (but I’m sure there’s some very good private schools too.) Some cohorts of kids can be much harder to work with, because there’s a limit to what a school can achieve, when the cohort is dealing with a lot of poverty, DV, substance abuse etc.
The biggest advantage at a private school is a more privileged cohort. Money doesn’t buy everything, & some issues such as DV, substance abuse etc also happen in wealthier families, but financial stress is sometimes at the bottom of a family’s woes. Not enough money can definitely be a problem.
I think some parents work & save very hard & sacrifice a lot of things to put their kids through private schools, when they would’ve been better off spending more time with their kids, taking them on family holidays etc. But if the local public school is very tough & buying into or renting in the zone of a “good” public school isn’t an option…
I was an avid reader of fiction when I was a child. Novels about challenging issues or strange fantasy worlds. In many ways reading was an escape to a safe place, but those books were also places where I could learn about how “people” worked. How they thought, felt & behaved. The diversity in those things.
I loved The Little Princess and The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, because they were about children who were different & how they coped. I loved The Chronicles of Narnia because, although quite dated now, the girls had real adventures alongside their brothers. There was a series of books about witches, good & bad, which I loved but can’t remember the titles or author.
I loved Ivan Southall’s books, where tweens & teens faced dangers, often without the support of adults. (Marsden’s Tomorrow when the War Began is reminiscent of Southall.)
And as an adult, I still like youth & YA fiction, probably for the same reason, because I’m still learning how humans work. I also like adult fiction, but the naivety of youth fiction appeals.
And TBO, I read much more non-fiction than fiction nowadays. Obviously there’s the Autism & ADHD stuff that is currently dominating my reading, but also social commentaries of all sorts, by feminists, sociologists, etc.
@Fizzfizzpopop@actuallyautistic
I started reading the Narnia books to my oldest when they were 4. If I was having a bath, they’d drag a chair down to the bathroom & bring the book so I could read to them. They’ve just published the final volume of their portal fantasy trilogy.
I’m listening to a podcast on perfectionism. I don’t think I’ve ever been a perfectionist, but there’s definitely been elements of perfectionism in aspects of my behaviour. It was one thing I battled against as a teacher. I never told my students that I always expected them to do “their best” or try their “hardest” with every assessment task. I would simply encourage & support them to build on their learning & make improvements, to show progress of some sort.
I remember speaking to one mother ( & looking back, the student might’ve been autistic), & saying that even if they were capable of doing very well in all subjects, I didn’t think it was realistic. They excelled in the subjects they loved, & merely did well (very well) in the rest. (Sadly, including the subjects I taught. 🫤) And that was ok. It was more than ok.
Big day today. Back treatment this morning (bliss), but an MRI this afternoon. Only 10minutes thankfully. Was exhausted afterwards, & partner left me to sleep on the couch while he went upstairs to read. Only a checkup, the first for years, after brain surgery years ago.
I used to stoically go through everything & pretend everything was fine, which we sometimes have to do (if we can, & I realise some can’t) but being able to come home & crash without pretending that I was fine was nice.
I’ve never done this before, laid out all of my Polish ceramics, grouped according to their various patterns. I wanted to see what I have, so I know which lives to buy next. My partner, haphazard about most things, would find this odd, but it’s given me enormous pleasure.
My partner & I started with a few mugs years ago, & have gradually added to the collection over the years. It is hard wearing and we use it every day. A dear friend gifted me with the baking & serving dishes for my 60th. (Embarrassingly extravagant.)
An autistic woman sees a news item on TV about the awful events at Bondi Junction yesterday. She sees the floral tributes, and wishes that such tributes weren’t wrapped in plastic, tied with ribbons etc, because then, when it was time, they could be swept up & composted.
That sounds totally lacking in empathy right? Why else would she be thinking about such trivial details?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because she is so distressed by the event, the fear suffered by victims at the time & since by those who survived & others who witnessed it, the loss of innocence experienced by those who have never before been so close to such an awful event, the grief suffered by those who have lost loved ones, that focussing on a practical, logistical issue is a way for her to avoid being overwhelmed by such feelings.
The next time anyone tells you that autistic people aren’t empathetic, tell them that empathy isn’t about how people look or behave, it’s about how they feel. Some autistic people are very much out of touch with their feelings, & find them very difficult to identify & articulate. Their feelings are buried very deeply within them. Some are hyper-sensitive to the suffering of others, which might be seen as being overly dramatic & making an event all about them. And the others are somewhere in between.
The fact that a person doesn’t express their feelings, or express them the way you might expect, does not mean that those feelings aren’t there. #actuallyautistic#empathy