I spoke online to my English language student today. She took her 3yo to a kinder session & spent some time talking to other mothers, which was challenging . So I need to teach her some more English small talk language. Me. An autistic person. 😂 Ironic. @actuallyautistic
@Susan60@actuallyautistic All she needs to know is how to talk about the weather 😄 I found toddler groups such a challenge. I wanted proper conversation so everyone else found me intense - story of my life! I don't think I understood at that point that regular women in their 30s who were married with kids could be #actuallyautistic I'd fallen for the stereotype, plus the only autistic person I knew was a very troubled 11yr old.
I've had some lovely if rare random conversations with people in shops etc, some when I was working in retail. But sometimes it turns out that while we have similar interests, we have very different opinions. Was having a lovely random chat with a woman after one of our many Melbourne lockdowns, and we said something about how the then prime minister Morrison was managing things. At the exact same time she said something like, "I think he's a good man at heart", while I said, "I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him", and we both stood there stunned, looking at each other. Quite a hoot really!
Such a long day’s travel yesterday, winding up with a family dinner, when all I wanted was to unpack, shower & go to bed. Managed to excuse myself from the conversation to do just that. Yay me! @actuallyautistic
This house has old school lines, with none of the things that made older homes comfortable. There’s no eaves or verandahs, meaning that walls & windows cop the brunt of weather conditions thrown at them. That big upstairs window at the front will welcome the morning sun on a hot summer’s day, but the north facing windows on the side which will collect the light & heat of the winter sun, are only small. Why are we not requiring smarter home design? #SustainableHousing
If you want a truly decadent bread & butter pudding, use a panettone with sultanas & orange peel in it as the bread, with some melted butter, eggs & milk. Serve with pure cream. Not my fault, partner creation.
I was going to post this as a response to someone else’s post, but realised it wasn’t really relevant to their point.
Years ago, when doing my teacher training, we had a guest speaker come & talk to us about our role as teacher when dealing with sexual diversity etc. He was a very conventional looking young white man.
It was a seminar type presentation, with discussion along the way. As time went on, he slowly removed his “straight” mask, to show how many students can & do present as heteronormative until if & when they’re ready to come out.
I wonder how this would work for autistic advocates who can mask effectively, in small group presentations? Masking as in making eye contact, smiling, a self effacing introduction etc. And then, “This is how I can present when I feel the need. This is how I present when I feel safe or give up caring.” Followed by an explanation of the impact that masking has, the fact that many autistic people can’t mask, the fact that we shouldn’t need to mask etc as well as general autism education.
Of course this shouldn’t be necessary & it wouldn’t be in an ideal world.
We could make comparisons with women who have to play by the men’s rules in business & politics, the people of colour &/or members of other different ethnic/religious groups who try to “assimilate” to get ahead, & how many struggle to do so, feel like traitors to themselves & their peers, get sick of &/or struggle with pretending to be someone other than they really are. Masking autism is not the same, & this would need to be explained, but I think many people would relate to some of the similarities & the feelings involved.
There will always be some people who refuse to learn, who insist on a negative approach as part of their strategy to prop up their own ego. And it’s not them whom I would bother trying to convince. It’s the more reasonable but ignorant people who are open to learning that I think would be worth targeting.
@Susan60@actuallyautistic I have been masking so long, and have stopped so recently, that I think it'll be very difficult for me to act out the transition between the two. I do think it could be a good idea, but am a little skeptical about how a neurotypical audience would react.
That’s why I love this place. We can all express stuff & what we read can spark off epiphanies. I often find myself jutting down notes on my phone or in a notebook.
I’m so glad you found this helpful. Given the way autistic people were often treated back then, I’m glad that I went undiagnosed & learned how to mask. Obviously my traits were such that this wasn’t as awful an outcome as it has been for some. But when had to step up & take charge after my parents’ deaths, I was able to do so. Yes, I burnt out, & suffered depression, but I got through.
I think my own mother was probably AuADHD and while I sometimes found her hard or distant, I also have precious memories of tenderness & empathy when I was sick, surprisingly gauche humour (she could be a bit of a snob) & in depth analytical discussions in response to articles in the Saturday paper.
I’m always aware when I write that there are others for whom the journey has been harder and more painful, leaving deeper & more tender scars. But surely it’s a good thing to recognise & acknowledge the good experiences we’ve had?
When I started investigating the possibility of being ND in some way, I’d come across “oh look, there’s a unicorn”, which I dismissed as plain silly. In my mind, the things that I took notice of were worthy of my attention, not mere “distractions”. And my “special interests” were deeply intellectual & relevant to my situation at the time. Social justice issues for example.
So I didn’t fit the rather shallow ways in which AFHD & autism are often portrayed, as if it’s merely about being distracted by unicorns & fascinated with dinosaurs.
I didn’t delete it! At least, not deliberately. I don’t know where it went.
“Giftedness” wasn’t a thing when I was at school. I was one of the youngest in my cohort, with no pre-school experience. My social skills & physical coordination were poor but I had excellent language skills & was a strong student.
My interest in school flagged a little in high school, both because I was furiously masking & trying to be cool, & because much of the curriculum content & teaching failed to engage me. (Not all. There are great teachers in all schools, & I still did quite well.)
Both of my kids were offered participation in extracurricular gifted programs. One turned it down & the other withdrew because it was “boring”. (It was a fiction writing group. They basically sat & wrote. Why write in a classroom full of strangers when you could sit in a tree & write at home? Now a self published author.)
I think “giftedness” & programs for supposedly gifted kids are often a farce. Too often the kids in them are simply bright students who work hard, sometimes because of parental pressure. Meanwhile the brightest kids, ND or not, are busy masking or are distracted from their studies by ADHD, sometimes earning a “troublemaker” label. (NT kids masking their academic prowess to fit in with peers.)
I did bits of various IQ & other tests at uni when studying psych. All such tests are problematic for a range of reasons. Autistic people apparently perform poorly in some sections even when clearly “gifted”, & are much more likely to be argumentative about the logic & wording of questions. 😂
While I’ve probably seen the episode, I don’t remember it. I’m not afraid of the label, just the potential reactions of my awfully ignorant peers in their 60s. “Rainman” was the peak of their autism education.
Wow! Sometimes we hear people say “a little bit OCD” about themselves or others, including autistic people. Lots of people, including many autistic people, have certain habits or ways of doing things that might seem a bit odd, or even obsessive to others, but are definitely not OCD. A former colleague of mine has OCD & finds this use of the term quite distressing, because it trivialises the condition. #OCD#ActuallyAutistic@actuallyautistic
@adelinej oh yeah. Another fun bit when diagnosing older adults. We already mask in ways we aren’t even aware of, and so take effort to see through. If you care to, that is…. and often “professionals” don’t for political and financial reasons.
Thought. I have always run warm. I do feel the cold, but not as much as most people. I hate (detest?) overheated department stores. This got worse with the onset of perimenopause, & I was unable to wear jumpers for years, because I couldn’t get them off quickly enough during hot flushes, which threatened spontaneous combustion. This settled somewhat after finally going on HRT.
I’ve noticed a change since going on ADHD meds. I now wear winter pjs on a “cool” summers night, & a nightie on warmer ones & am more likely to don a jacket of an evening.
@LordCaramac@olena@actuallyautistic
I was a "bottomless pit" as a kid, but thought nothing of it because I was so tall, and while I definitely wasn't sporty, I was fairly active.
And after childbirth, I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight very quickly (which made me the cause of envy), and struggled (and failed) to maintain a good weight while breastfeeding. I made drinks with soy milk, an egg, banana, some oats, honey, and protein powder in an effort to not fade away. The same thing happened the second time around, but it was less pronounced.
I no longer experience hunger, just feel irritable or a bit sick if I haven’t eaten enough, & am less likely to snack for pleasure or eat too large a meal when on ADHD meds (which has actually been a good thing, but I need to watch that I do eat lunch.)
In short, I think the interplay between ADHD, temperature regulation & metabolism definitely needs a look!