I was going to post this as a response to someone else’s post, but realised it wasn’t really relevant to their point.
Years ago, when doing my teacher training, we had a guest speaker come & talk to us about our role as teacher when dealing with sexual diversity etc. He was a very conventional looking young white man.
It was a seminar type presentation, with discussion along the way. As time went on, he slowly removed his “straight” mask, to show how many students can & do present as heteronormative until if & when they’re ready to come out.
I wonder how this would work for autistic advocates who can mask effectively, in small group presentations? Masking as in making eye contact, smiling, a self effacing introduction etc. And then, “This is how I can present when I feel the need. This is how I present when I feel safe or give up caring.” Followed by an explanation of the impact that masking has, the fact that many autistic people can’t mask, the fact that we shouldn’t need to mask etc as well as general autism education.
Of course this shouldn’t be necessary & it wouldn’t be in an ideal world.
We could make comparisons with women who have to play by the men’s rules in business & politics, the people of colour &/or members of other different ethnic/religious groups who try to “assimilate” to get ahead, & how many struggle to do so, feel like traitors to themselves & their peers, get sick of &/or struggle with pretending to be someone other than they really are. Masking autism is not the same, & this would need to be explained, but I think many people would relate to some of the similarities & the feelings involved.
There will always be some people who refuse to learn, who insist on a negative approach as part of their strategy to prop up their own ego. And it’s not them whom I would bother trying to convince. It’s the more reasonable but ignorant people who are open to learning that I think would be worth targeting.
@Susan60@actuallyautistic I have been masking so long, and have stopped so recently, that I think it'll be very difficult for me to act out the transition between the two. I do think it could be a good idea, but am a little skeptical about how a neurotypical audience would react.
That’s why I love this place. We can all express stuff & what we read can spark off epiphanies. I often find myself jutting down notes on my phone or in a notebook.
I’m so glad you found this helpful. Given the way autistic people were often treated back then, I’m glad that I went undiagnosed & learned how to mask. Obviously my traits were such that this wasn’t as awful an outcome as it has been for some. But when had to step up & take charge after my parents’ deaths, I was able to do so. Yes, I burnt out, & suffered depression, but I got through.
I think my own mother was probably AuADHD and while I sometimes found her hard or distant, I also have precious memories of tenderness & empathy when I was sick, surprisingly gauche humour (she could be a bit of a snob) & in depth analytical discussions in response to articles in the Saturday paper.
I’m always aware when I write that there are others for whom the journey has been harder and more painful, leaving deeper & more tender scars. But surely it’s a good thing to recognise & acknowledge the good experiences we’ve had?
An autistic woman sees a news item on TV about the awful events at Bondi Junction yesterday. She sees the floral tributes, and wishes that such tributes weren’t wrapped in plastic, tied with ribbons etc, because then, when it was time, they could be swept up & composted.
That sounds totally lacking in empathy right? Why else would she be thinking about such trivial details?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because she is so distressed by the event, the fear suffered by victims at the time & since by those who survived & others who witnessed it, the loss of innocence experienced by those who have never before been so close to such an awful event, the grief suffered by those who have lost loved ones, that focussing on a practical, logistical issue is a way for her to avoid being overwhelmed by such feelings.
The next time anyone tells you that autistic people aren’t empathetic, tell them that empathy isn’t about how people look or behave, it’s about how they feel. Some autistic people are very much out of touch with their feelings, & find them very difficult to identify & articulate. Their feelings are buried very deeply within them. Some are hyper-sensitive to the suffering of others, which might be seen as being overly dramatic & making an event all about them. And the others are somewhere in between.
The fact that a person doesn’t express their feelings, or express them the way you might expect, does not mean that those feelings aren’t there. #actuallyautistic#empathy
A nice development. The family of a student from Ukraine who I worked with last year has moved into the flats across the road. Today her mother came across & in very broken English, asked if I could teach her. The normal system for migrants & refugees hasn’t been working well during Covid, especially for someone with a 3yo. I was thrilled! She asked about cost & I shook my head. Now I’ll have to make up some resources. While the focus will be on her, I’m hoping we can involve the 3yo a little too. And hopefully I can get the older child to speak English more at home, although preserving her native language is also important.
Used my new cookbook yesterday, by @Kon & his mum. My dishes didn’t look as amazing as the photos in his lovely book, but tasted great. Zucchini salad surprisingly tasty. #Cooking#Vegetarian
Just saw an interesting post by someone missing the simplicity of their childhood. I know that most people wear rose coloured glasses when they’re feeling nostalgic, but I wonder how many autistic people read such posts & think, “No way!”?
I had lots of fun & interesting times during my childhood & adolescence, but there was also so much complexity, confusion & distress. Learning to mask made it easier. I could at least pretend to understand what was going on & therefore attract less negative attention. @actuallyautistic
I was watching a colleague teach using Inspiration. My brain exploded. And it’s bottom up. You’re starting with all the details then linking them together to see the big picture.
I nearly didn’t listen to this episode, because I’ve never had an eating disorder, but it’s almost more about identity & addiction & autonomy than eating disorders, and is fascinating as a result. @actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic
@pathfinder@actuallyautistic
I “ate like a horse”, had “hollow legs” & needed to have a heavy “ book on her head”. Was the youngest in my cohort (double whammy on poor social skills), but often the tallest.
@Susan60@actuallyautistic
I had other sensitivities of course. Light, sound, crowds and too much going on. But they were mostly the ones others struggled to see or understand and so I learnt to suppress them. Or at least my willingness to acknowledge them.
“Gone are the offensive & misguided attempts to cure the condition”? That might be too sunny a statement, but otherwise it’s an encouraging article. #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic