fungible_thadius

fungible_thadius, 2 days ago to random

Anytime someone tells me “Take care of your body, you only have one” I quietly exhale a sigh of relief, confidently knowing they haven’t looked in my chest freezer.

fungible_thadius, 4 days ago to random

I shaved my microplastics for 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨?!

fungible_thadius, 6 days ago to random

Calling all my investments “your mom” because all they do is go down.

fungible_thadius, 7 days ago to random

Oh, you like women? Name all of them.

fungible_thadius, 14 days ago to random

Half my fishies died 😿

fungible_thadius, 16 days ago to random

You had a rough day, sit down and relax, babe. 𝑰’𝒍𝒍 make the Cup Noodles tonight.

fungible_thadius, 16 days ago to random

Screw parking, validate 𝐦𝐞

fungible_thadius, 17 days ago to random

The masculine urge to pick up this cool stick

fungible_thadius, 19 days ago to random

There’s a spot on my back that if you scratch just right I’ll fall in love with you.

fungible_thadius, 20 days ago to random

I already coronally ejected my mass

fungible_thadius, 20 days ago to random

Millenials killed the white dog poop industry.

fungible_thadius, 22 days ago to random

Netflix and co-sign a loan?

fungible_thadius, 23 days ago to random

fungible_thadius, 24 days ago to random

Autocorrect can go straight to he’ll

fungible_thadius, 29 days ago to random

Life was better when life didn’t get in the way

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

None of these body pillows are even made with real bodies. WTF?!

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

The fact that Rimworld has absolutely nothing to do with eating ass is borderline false advertising and I want my money back.

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

If you can’t handle my Pizza Roll then you don’t deserve my Hot Pocket

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

Is it fuck it Friday? Feels like a fuck it Friday.

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

Have you tried making out about it?

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

Time for my nightly bowl…

…of cereal

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

We can’t do the things that need to be done because the bullies might get angry is no way to run a country.

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime
That’s why I masturbate on company time

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

Did they forget FedEx is short for Federal Express?

fungible_thadius, 1 month ago to random

Starting a rival social media company where posts are called squirts.