@olena@mementomori.social
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

olena

@olena@mementomori.social

Eclectic
Non-boolean
Too ND to actually go get diagnosed
Gender/sexuality - whatever
For social and informational equity

Profile picture: a very judgmental-looking black cat’s face
Banner: cardiogram

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rolle, to random
@rolle@mementomori.social avatar

That reminds me, I should probably release my new single soon.

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@rolle just in time for ? :blobcatadorable:

rolle, to random
@rolle@mementomori.social avatar

Can’t really explain this post further, but I’m sad about the dearest people to me are hurting so much… it’s 2:34am and I am a wreck.

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@rolle :blobcathuggiessad:

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Why would people not want to be comfortable? I do most of these things just for comfort. Also they look cute, so...

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@RickiTarr I can wear neither headphones nor glasses, so my jam is fun earrings. Gummy bears, rainbows and unicorns, various dinosaurs, cats and catpaws, birds and bees, cherries and oranges, various axes, cup and teapot, goldfish in a bag… I have more ‘sane’ as well - like various florals, suns, snowflakes, folklore motifs and geometric ornaments, but still most of them are big, noticeable, quirky - and cheap. I don’t get the vibe of expensive jewelry, I prefer to have some bright toys for different stories.

olena, to ADHD
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

What some people don’t seem to be able to understand is that for the ones with executive disfunction number of steps matters a lot.

I just put away all my dried laundry aside of duvet cover.

Why? Because for all the other things it’s easy one-step task: grab all the knickers and shove them into the drawer, get the home clothes and put it into home clothes cube box(that cubed Ikea shelf is such a helper for people like me, I just have a cube for every thing).

But the linen shelf is at the top of the bathroom closet, and it’s almost full. So I need a stepladder to be able to put the duvet cover there(I can try to shove it there without, I kinda reach the shelf itself, but in its current state the cover is likely to fall from there, and probably with some other things, so that would upset me which I am not ready to deal with now).

But the stepladder is now occupied by my winter shoes which were drying there before I put them away for summer.
But to put them away I need to get two big boxes from under my bed, empty one by putting everything that is there into the other one, put all the shoes there, put the boxes back under the bad, ensure all the boxes there are arranged in a way that is allowing my cat to play in that labyrinth, and probably clean up after that as I suppose there’s going to be a few dust bunnies.

Gosh, I got tired by just typing all that.

Going through all those steps may bot take too much time(if I don’t get distracted by something, including the urge to sort everything perfectly), but the very thought of going through all those steps just discourages me so much that I can’t find energy to start. “It’s just one duvet cover!” - they say. “It’s a shitton of steps!” - I answer.

Well, the cover is drying in a way that obscures a view from my bed which irritates me enough to maybe develop enough anger to put it away in the weekend.





@actuallyautistic

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@ScottSoCal @Drude @actuallyautistic organizers are life-savers for me. Well, sanity savers at least :) When there are easily accessible clearly categorized storage containers for every kind of thing, not only clearing the mess, but keeping the home organized is so much easier

EVDHmn, to actuallyautistic
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Would any of you be interested in doing a weekly audio conference? I have organizer stTus on meetup could do audio and discuss how everyone is doing checkins, talking science, or what it’s like for you personally in the world coping ?
Perhaps zoom audio, no judgements safe spaces etc over the internet ? Discords etc

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic How common is audial processing disorder comorbidity with autism? Having APD, anything audio is huuuuuugely out of my comfort zone - I suppose it may be an issue for others as well

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

The Two Types of Vacationers:

Me: Hey Honey, what do you want to do on vacation? I want to walk somewhere lovely and try something new every day.

Hubs: Sleep as long as I want.

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@RickiTarr I’m both. Plus food. Vacation is trying new tasty food. Sorry, that’s the rule. I don’t make the rules.

RickiTarr, (edited ) to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

The Tale of Two Gynecologists

This is a bit long, and I've talked about this a lot lately, but it's something I'm thinking about a lot in the wake of so much hatred of female Healthcare. When my female troubles got bad enough that I finally talked to my doctor about it, he referred me to a gynecologist. I had already had several ultrasounds and an MRI at this point, and she had put me on some oral contraceptives for several months, (which made sick to my stomach no matter what I did) and had just done another ultrasound. She greeted me with "Well, you're really messed up inside, Honey.", which already had me pretty stressed out. Then told me I would probably need surgery to figure out exactly what was going on. She then asked me if I wanted children, and I said No. I had taken my husband with me to the appointment for moral support, and she glanced over at him, and then talked to me for 5 minutes about how many women my age could still have children, and I could definitely consider it, and that they would do everything they could to make sure I could stay viable. They could freeze my eggs if I had to do a hysterectomy, just on and on. She probably asked me directly 4-5 if I was sure I didn't want kids. Finally, I said, "Ma'am, my husband got a vasectomy over a decade ago, we are absolutely sure we don't want kids." After hubs had found me crying on the toliet, because my period was late again, he went to his doctor and said, "Hey doctor, I'm thinking about a vasectomy." The doctor gave him a pamphlet to read, and made him an appointment. The whole thing was done in a few weeks.

Anyhow, she finally referred me to a gynecological surgeon, and I was not looking forward to dealing with this again, and was just generally terrified of having surgery for the first time. I met with this woman and she was so efficient and practical. It is the longest doctor appointment I've ever had, since this surgery would be exploratory, she went over every possibility of what could happen when she was inside. She did a thorough exam, she went over all the scans that I had, and explained why she thought this needed done. Then she said she would like to put in a Mirena IUD during surgery. She said, "You're in pain half the month, and there's no reason for you to have a period if you don't want to have kids. You'll have some erratic bleeding for six months, but by a year most women have a very light or no period at all, there's no reason for you to needlessly suffer if you don't end up needing a hysterectomy."

It's interesting to me still, that one doctor was so focused on what my body could do, and another so focused on how I felt. I came out of the first appointment feeling scared and confused, and the second feeling heard and cared for. Feeling valued as a person and not a baby maker made the surgery much easier to go through, and the Mirena has been great btw. Women don't have to needlessly suffer.

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@RickiTarr it definitely is much worse in this field(female reproductive health), but honestly I’ve faced the first attitude a lot in other spheres of healthcare.
Some doctors just behave so entitled, view you as anything but a person. I’ve met doctors who didn’t show me my results and weren’t willing to tell me my diagnosis up to the point that I had to find ways to get my medical history to actually read wtf they wrote.
Most of the doctors have been dismissing my complaints most of my life (that one may have something to do with being female and therefore seen as a weak and whinny one, but not just that - idk if some of that is because being neurodivergent I somehow express things differently so they don’t see enough distress calls on my face). That is the reason why I have barely survived kidney issue at 19(“no, that pain can’t be a kidney, kidneys are situated higher, you silly kid”). That is the reason why I had to almost fight to stay at maternity ward when I was in labor(“no, you can’t be in labor, you’re not screaming in pain as that other woman over there”). That is the reason why I was diagnosed with valve insufficiency and asthma only after four decades(“those faints must be panic attacks. Or you’re just being dramatic and seeking attention”).
On the other hand, there always are those who respect you, who tell you everything, explain details, ask you about your comfort and your goals. There are very few of those, unfortunately, but they are the reason I didn’t completely lose my trust in doctors(which I’ve been on the verge of several times)

NicoleCRust, to random
@NicoleCRust@neuromatch.social avatar

Summer reading recs?!

I’m looking to compile a big pile of IRL books for summer beach reading.

Big fan of scifi, specfic, murder mysteries. Strong female characters = bonus points. Can’t deal with darkness. Nothing high brow or tedious. Nonfiction lover but that list is already bursting at the seams.

I also love long series - 3 body problem, wheel of time, foundation … those waves all have good memories attached.

If that brings anything to mind, please send the rec!!

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@NicoleCRust Have you already read Seveneves by Neal Stephenson? If not, I’d recommend. If you like it, his other books are also great, but his writing is quite uneven: the books have parts that are hard to get through and parts during which it’s impossible to set a book aside - so Seveneves is better on that regard as it is more even. Or Diamond Age maybe.

Or, totally different flavor, have you tried China Miéville? If you like series, start with Perdido Street Station.

olena, to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

You’re not walking around consciously choosing what to pick up. You don’t choose. You don’t decide. It sticks like a crumb you accidentally stepped onto. Like cat’s hair. Good luck trying to get rid of it: while cleaning one, you get three more. Sometimes some dry out and fall off. You don’t choose which either.

Phrase here, intonation there, a bit of smile from that one, a funny move from another…

I wonder, if someone who has known you some time ago, meets you again in some years, and then meets some people from the same circles - how long does it take to tell those you’ve been interacting with most during those years by how they’ve grown into you, by spotting in them all those new things you’ve become.




@actuallyautistic

olena, to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

When a mimic is put into a safe environment where it doesn’t have to mimic anymore to survive - what shape does it have?

For some reason, it seems to me, it won’t be neither any established form nor an amorphous blob, but rather some chaotic combination, multidimensional exquisite corpse, of various elements flickering between each and every form it has ever taken or observed

And to demand it to show its true form is to take it out of the safe environment

(This post is actually about autistic masking)



@actuallyautistic

Lotje, to random
@Lotje@pancakesontuesday.com avatar

Hai! :GrinLotje:

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@Lotje what an awesome mask! And I love how on this picture it kinda ties together your tshirt, your hair and the grass behind!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What kind of high-school experience did you have? Were you in a clique? Were you popular, unpopular, the coolest kid in your Homeschool? Did you have a sweet jean jacket with patches, or maybe a leather vest? Were you an evil villain or a Mary Sue?

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@RickiTarr Contradictory. I was very well-known among adults: educators, intellectuals, local literature circles. Published poetry, wrote for local newspapers, participated and almost always won or was in top3 in math(and other school subjects) contests, up to the point of teachers arguing with each other to which one I should go if the two are at the same time or, on the contrary, asking me to not go to this subject this year so some other kid had a chance because they need it more. Also, all the poetry declamation contests, and was pretty often asked to be a host of school events, write semi-official epigrams, speaches, etc. Also, drawing school posters, writing and even leading the school newspaper for some time. Was quite busy with all of those activities.
At the same time, for other school kids I was a walking encyclopedia - and nothing more. They copied my works, asked me to retell them short summaries of all the literature we were supposed to read (was a lot, literature was compulsory subject in my country back than, and I’ve been the only one in my class who actually read full text of War and Peace and similar books) - but none of them was seeing me as a person or as love/sex interest. I’ve been catcalled at streets by men aged 35+, but none of the guys I’ve been studying with have ever seen me as a girl. I had zero accounts of being hit on, zero romance stories. I wasn’t actively bullied in the high school because other kids were smart enough to not mess with me because they may need my help with homework (and I never refused to help, sometimes going as far writing essays during a class for me and a couple of other people - but that didn’t make anyone my friend, of course)
About a year after finishing a school, when I was in university, I went back to my hometown for the spring break, and I was walking a street, and met two of my former classmates, and the guy were ‘wow, Olena, so glad to see you!’ - and each of them was asking me for a date and I was there totally frustrated, like ‘where had your attention been when we were classmates?’ - It was not an ugly duckling story or something, I looked exactly the same as I did a year before that, just maybe wearing jeans and a turtleneck instead of formal clothing (jeans were forbidden in my school)

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@RickiTarr
This photo has been taken on my first morning in the capital, an hour after I arrived by a train, a day after my high school graduation ceremony. I went to apply to a university(you had to do that in person those days there). I’ve been full of dreams and unrealistic expectations after being kinda big fish in a tiiiiiiiny pond and honestly having no idea about so many aspects of real life

olena, to Bloomscrolling
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

There’s something absolutely magical about blooming wisteria
#bloomscrolling

Blooming wisteria against blue sky. There’s plenty of flowers and it reminds a waterfall
Blooming wisteria in the park on a sunny day

olena, to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Had a big videocall at work today and suddenly realized I am avoiding eye contact even in videocalls. Like, I subconsciously avoid looking at people who are looking at the camera, even if they are those who’re talking. I look at those who look away, I look at those who sit too far from the camera to actually see where they’re looking, I look at myself, I look at Slack’s UI, I constantly remind myself to not look over the screen, but can’t help glancing. Anything but looking at those who seemingly look at me. Even though they are not actually here and most time in those group calls it means they are not actually looking at me.
Other #autistic folks, do you find it easier to look people in the eyes in video-calls or do you struggle with it too?
@actuallyautistic
#neurodivergent
#AuDHD

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@actuallyautistic as for looking at myself during the calls - I know a lot of people think it’s vanity or something like that. But the thing is, I have to actually remind myself that that’s me, as I often don’t recognize myself automatically in the videocalls, and also looking at myself is the safest option - because of the camera placement, I can’t make eye contact with my own image

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@gnate @actuallyautistic for me, I somehow don’t think of that image as of ‘how I am perceived’, but more like ‘who tf is that, I don’t know them, no, I’m not like that, it can’t be, that’s not what my jaw looks like…’ and so on. What’s interesting, with mirrors I have it less often - but still, if I meet my reflection without being prepared to see it, I kinda freak out each time, my mind for some reason reacts to it as to some potential danger. When others notice me looking at my reflection - they think I’m enjoying myself, while in reality I am trying to convince my brain that yes, it is how I look like right now, and there’s no need to freak out

rolle, (edited ) to random
@rolle@mementomori.social avatar

What is ad blocking, choose one:

olena, (edited )
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@rolle on my phone, I don’t have adblockers and just avoid sites that are overdoing ads, and don’t play games with intrusive ads (or pay to get rid of it if I really like the game and the price seems reasonable). I even skip on bonuses in games which you have to watch ads to get.
On my work laptop, I have installed some adblocker when I had to do some research that included browsing sites sinking in ads. I honestly don’t mind having some non-intrusive ads.
Moreover, I would gladly provide ad operators with some data about me just in order to see only relatable ads and not see the ads that irritate me for things I couldn’t care less about(like may I tell you my size please and you’ll never bother me with ads of goods that don’t come in that size?).
I used to check what data Google has on my interests and correct it where it got something wrong.
I have discovered previously good things I actually gladly use through the ads, so I do think that properly tailored ads can be a good experience for all the sides involved.
But I can’t help but notice that despite the fact everyone is collecting a shitton of my data, a lot of ads are ridiculously unrelatable, so it’s a waste both of their resources and my time and patience.

Basically, there are several things that are key points for the ads to be rather welcomed by me:

  1. Transparency: if the ads/ads provider is going to use my data, I’d like to be able to know which and how and where it’s shared
  2. Consent: don’t show me ads I didn’t agree to watch, and allow me to stop it when I feel like it
  3. Non-invasiveness. The ads shouldn’t be intrusive, shouldn’t interrupt my experience, shouldn’t be in the way, shouldn’t be unskipable
  4. The ads shouldn’t shamelessly eat up my resourses(battery life, traffic, etc)
  5. Commercial and political ads should be strictly separated, including the data they collect
  6. Any data stored should be depersonified for anyone outside. There shouldn’t be a way to other parties(including, but not limited, to government) to relate collected data to a particular person. It’s ok to share trends, it’s not ok to enable spying on particular people.
olena, to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

On one hand, it’s nice to see that we can have noice-canceling headphones, selective earplugs and other kinds of solutions to help #autistic and other #neurodivergent folks to reduce sensory overload in public places, but I can’t help but think that we should address the problem from the other side: to not create that overload to begin with.
Ok, I get the need for bright light in a shop: you really want to see what you’re buying, you want to choose a fruit/veggie without signs of spoiling, be able to read the label clearly etc.
But all that loud music? Is there really any value in it for the stores? Why do they keep playing it? Were there some actual real studies that have shown that putting on music increases sales?
Like, I have seen many times(and was myself) people leaving store sooner, even without the things they went for, because they couldn’t stand that loud music anymore, but I haven’t seen anyone actually staying in a shopping mall longer because they liked music or something.
So, is there any actual profit for stores in it, or are they just doing that because everyone is used to it?
Does also anyone know if there have been any studies/works on the sensory overload modern cities put on people and ways to reduce it without making things harder for other members of society?
@actuallyautistic

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@callunavulgaris @actuallyautistic I've heard of such initiatives, and I am always wondering: why not keep that as a default option?
Also, it would be well… funny… if all the autistic people came shopping during that single hour.
Also, is that hour at least in time when it can actually be used? Or is it somewhere midday Wednesday?

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@callunavulgaris @actuallyautistic /me quietly wishes I was able to get out of bed at 9 o’clock Saturday

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@arcadetoken @actuallyautistic I mean, were there actually studies showing that that is profitable for modern shopping malls/supermarkets? I genuinely wonder how would it work even on neurotypical folks

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@arcadetoken @actuallyautistic I have seen the ones studying the effect of a genre of music(funnily, with contradicting results: one suggested that slow-pace music makes customers walk slower and spend more time in a store making them buy more, another one claimed that fast-paced one activates variety-seeking behavior and therefore sales), and one that studied effect of employee’s music choices on sales(carried in fashion shops, which claimed they drop by 6% if employees are to choose what to play and that employees prefer music to silence), but haven’t find a conclusive one regarding silence/music

ideogram, to Autism
@ideogram@social.coop avatar

The reason autistic people identify as LGBTQI more than allistic people is a mystery still but the theory that we "just don't give a shit" is strongly endorsed in the comments.
#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse #lgbtqi #ActuallyAutistic

https://youtube.com/shorts/Y2ufJMLzFUM?si=rdvnw_Mxz6hXDvxF

olena,
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

@BernieDoesIt @ideogram meantime, the official rulebook says that A can be anything and B can be anything, so you’re standing there wondering what makes A or B then

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