sand

@sand@mindly.social

Musing from a Graphic Designer, Father & Husband. Toronto 🇨🇦

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RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

I'm going to open up a discussion about how people actually live with Boundaries. This isn't a place to be judgemental about other people's choices, we all rationalize things, and make the best we can out of difficult circumstances.

Many of you know I care for my mother who is paraplegic, the level of care my husband and I give her is on the high end, it would be incredibly difficult for one person to do everything that would need to be done. This might sound ugly, but my mother was not a good mother, she frantically switched back and forth between helicopter parenting and outright neglect. She also doesn't think she has issues, and would never go to any therapy that wasn't "Christian" or take any kind of medication for mental health. I spent my childhood caring for her, my father and my siblings, and I still care for her. Understandably, people ask why, and it's a hard thing for me to answer. I do try very hard to set Boundaries with her now, but it probably isn't enough all the time, burn out is high for caregivers in the best of situations, and I can't pretend this is that. It feels like most of us compromise on something, especially with family.

So, what are your experiences with this kind of thing? What do you rationalize? What have you learned?
This is more about sharing personal experiences than to preach at people about their choices, so please keep that in mind when you reply.

sand,

@RickiTarr Just wanted to say how incredibly strong you are. This type of care would break most people and push relationships to the edge.

Otherwise, I just want boundaries from my work... but I'm afraid that by not giving them access to me 24/7, I'll lose my value. It's all messed up (I'm messed up)

sand, to Toronto

Toronto’s first accumulating snow fall is expected to arrive tomorrow morning. 4-8cm!

Thoughts and prayers to anyone ripping around on 4 wheels 😎

sand,

@eyrea @ksaj it used to get to me but not anymore. It takes a couple snow falls before we all get acclimated. It was 11c and Sunny a couple days ago. I had to cut my grass in Dec. Dudes outside in a parka with shorts and crocs. It’s very confusing LOL

Yes it snows every year, but there’s a lot of sun and heat in between. It’s easy to forget.

sand, to Parenting

My 6y/o kid likes to save the shipping packaging from our online orders for crafts. She flattens them and puts them away in the basement.

She hasn't made a single craft yet. I'm starting to think she's just a hoarder.

sand, to Parenting

I never knew how little free time I would have after becoming a father and homeowner.

Unless I wake up at 5am and go to bed at 2am, I don't have any time for myself for self-care or side projects & interests...

Adulting... ugh

sand, to random

Sorry I’m rooting a lot of nonsense right now.

Wife and kid are out.

Nobody around to hear my screams 😎

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

One of the things that drives me crazy is the people who are constantly saying we need to go back to our roots, eat, sleep, and live like Amazon tribes or Neanderthals. If you do any research at all, this is just a ridiculous concept. Especially when you the are also encouraging people to reject modern medicine in favor of "natural" medicine. Now I understand that our current modern medical establishments are rife with issues, and I'm not denying or excusing that. But let's just address basics, life expectancy, only about 20% of Neanderthals made it past 40 years of age, and the average life expectancy for modern Amazonian tribes is 53 years. Being that I am now 42, I'd like to live a little longer than that, and the reason I can is MODERN MEDICINE, access to clean water, good and plentiful food, living indoors when it's too cold or hot, working jobs that aren't as physically demanding. Telling people that if they go back to some kind of traditional past lifestyle, that they will live a healthier happier lifestyle is a falsehood and a dangerous one. Get medical advice from a medical professional, who bases their research on science, not some person on YouTube who bases their ideas on things that seem true to them.

I'm sorry this was so ranty!

sand,

@RickiTarr great rant! I feel the same way! My mother rolled her eyes when we told her we were taking my kid to get a flu shot. She’s all about natural healing. Eating garlic, onions, ginger and turmeric for every ailment. She means well, but it’s still a little frustrating.

sand,

@RickiTarr YES! I totally see the benefits of ginger and turmeric. But I still get my flu shot and wear a mask and all the other things. You can have both and not be a psychopath.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Let's talk about ATTRACTION! Talk about anything you want on the topic, but here's some things I'm wondering about:

Do you think we have any control over who we are attracted to?

Have you ever been attracted to someone, and knew it was bad when you went in?

If so, how did you get out of it?

Do you think attraction is instant or something that can grow?

What do you think attraction is a product of?

sand,

@RickiTarr in my 20s I was attracted to women that needed ‘saving’. The attraction would wear off once I felt like they didn’t need my help anymore. Failed relationship after failed relationship, it was a toxic cycle.

When I met my wife, a woman who had everything and didn’t need saving and didn’t ‘need’ me, I had to consciously reassess what I found attractive.

2024 will be our 10 year anniversary 🥰

sand, to Help

Ladies,
Despite my best efforts, I am still unable to read my wife's mind.

Sooo... what does a 40y/o wife want for Christmas? I need ideas... as I spent all my money and creativity on Christmas lights this year...

Ps.: Don't say oral 😎 😋

sand, to 49ers

Eagles fans booing their own team off the field. Brutal. Hurts deserves better 🫠

sand, to Spotify

Ok @RickiTarr, If you want something done right, I guess you gotta do it yourself 😎

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2TKQNwDwfM0P5BcnRZeeIT?si=17bc26dca87f4b87

Enjoy!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What songs do you think are too good for their subject matter, like a song for an ad that's actually good, or a children's show theme song that slaps, ect?

sand,

@RickiTarr which kind soul is going to share a Spotify playlist with all of these awesome responses? 😎😂

sand,

@RickiTarr

To anyone who can see this, here is the Spotify Playlist with most of the comments. Enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2TKQNwDwfM0P5BcnRZeeIT?si=17bc26dca87f4b87

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

So, there is a group of people on Mastodon that I have a lot of trouble relating to and understanding, that I somewhat lovingly call "The Misanthropes". They do a few things that boggle my mind a bit. The first is constantly announcing how they don't like humanity, and don't really want to be around people, which is okay, I guess, I can understand that, except you're doing it on SOCIAL media. If you just want to read articles, and look at pictures there are tons of better sources than social media, so why are you here? If you really hate all of humanity so much, you have the option in this one area to avoid it completely, why don't you?

Another thing is no matter what question I ask or how innocuous it is, someone will question the validity of why I'm asking it or the entire foundation of the question. So, why?! If you read a question and it doesn't apply to you or it doesn't interest you, don't interact with it, these aren't compulsory. Or I will ask What someone's favorite color is, and someone will say purple, they will tell that person that purple is traditionally the color of royalty, and ask them Why they are supporting the Monarchy, or if someone says yellow, they will let them know that yellow is hideous, and they shouldn't like it. Most of my questions are opinion or experience based, so the answer doesn't really matter, I am just trying to learn what people are like. What do you get out of making other people feel bad about themselves over basically unimportant things? Does it make you feel better about yourself or superior in some way? I really want to understand. Overall, most people are interesting and pleasant and just want to connect, what do you want?

sand,

@RickiTarr I've said it before, but it amazes me how you are able to have meaningful engagement on this platform. From deep discussions to a niche 'what's your favorite...' talk. It's not always my jam but it's wholesome and good and we need more of that 🤗

sand,

@mastodonmigration @RickiTarr It's fine to be a noisy minority contrarian - I feel that way most days LOL

BUT if you're going to do that, do it on your own posts and engage with your own audience instead of invading another popular post.

Read the room Susan(s)!

sand,

@RickiTarr @mastodonmigration I'm a graphic designer - I can do it!

sand,

@RickiTarr @zachariah I've always used humor to knock down unsavory comments. But why waste energy engaging with trolls?

It's not your job to teach or heal people. Enjoy the space you created. Mute and block. If you're feeling feisty you can engage, but you'll enjoy social media if you walk away.

Source: Long time political meme maker and part-time bear poker. Didn't change anyone, didn't save anyone. Only added to my anxiety.

sand, to random

My doctor wants me to send in forms via fax...

Where do I find a fax machine? Do I need a time machine first?

sand,

@VestigialLung the carrier pigeons here are on a subscription service only. I gotta pay a whole month just to send 1 message. Millennials ruining everything.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Let's talk Anger. Anger is a normal human emotion. Women are often taught to suppress it. Men are often taught it's the only emotion they are allowed to express. Anger that is fleeting, nothing wrong with that, but what about the anger that stays? Anger that doesn't fade means something, it's a propellant. It pushes us to change. If we don't change, and we stay in it or we refuse to acknowledge it, it starts to destroy us from the inside, our health, our contentment.

What has anger meant in your life? How has it affected you in the past? How does it affect you now?

sand,

@RickiTarr you're so good at starting meaningful discussions 🤜 💥 🤛

sand, to Parenting

Watching the Paw Patrol movie for the 3rd time in 4 days.

Thoughts and prayers plz

sand, to marketing

Yessss the PRE-BLACK FRIDAY ads are here!

Can’t wait for EARLY BLACK FRIDAY and BLACK FRIDAY EVE and BLACK FRIDAY WEEK and BLACK FRIDAY MONTH ads to start rolling in!

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

What do you sleep in:

sand,

@RickiTarr as a father with little kids that jump into our bed at 7am - I'm a #2 😎

sand, to Parenting

I swear the school day is not long enough.

Why are kids only in school from 9-3:30 but parents have to work until 5?

Now I gotta wait until they go to sleep to put in another 2hrs of work? 😩

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