@donni@mastodon.social avatar

donni

@donni@mastodon.social

Chicago comedian in real life, Internet poster in posting. Proudly hatless. Suspicious of most squirrels. Only wrestles sea cows seasonally

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donni, to random
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Hold me close, you idiot

donni, to random
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For a low monthly fee, you can pay me a low monthly fee

donni, to random
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I believe that bears dance secretly, seductively, in the woods

donni, to random
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For security purposes, you will now be hurled into space

donni, to random
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"Is that a banana in your pocket? Why the hell not?" -Banana enthusiast

donni, to random
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Going to bed as soon as I have 2 more bad ideas

donni, to random
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I’m sick of having to know things, and yet every day they make me know more

donni, to random
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I just want to have a nice time and avoid all consequences

donni, to random
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ME: [experiencing life] wow OK this is a lot of different annoying stuff

donni, to random
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Once, a long time ago, I was not tired. It was nice at first, but I quickly became too powerful

donni, to random
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I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen birds and I've seen trees. I've seen a bunch of shit

donni, to random
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Sharks don’t sleep, but if I was a shark, I would. Who’s going to stop me? I’m a shark

donni, to random
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My demons are old friends at this point and we seldom wrestle anymore

donni, to random
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Some think cilantro tastes like soap, and some think it’s delicious, but personally, I suffer from anxiety

donni, to random
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Sure, it’s easy to despair, but it’s also surprisingly affordable

donni, to random
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Oops, I forgot to focus on anything since birth

donni, to random
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Never trust a big butt and a smile. Where is the rest of this person’s body

donni, to random
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No choice but to be tired all day and mindlessly scroll all night

donni, to random
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An apple a day used to keep doctors away. But they got tougher. Now the apples bounce off harmlessly

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I only worry about two things: The past and the future. Also, the present. And maybe a fourth thing

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Your Honor, the law is one of my biggest haters

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Why do I have to prove I’m not a robot? Robots should have to prove they‘re not me

donni, to random
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If at first you don't succeed, blame some ducks. Everyone knows ducks cause trouble

donni, to random
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Cheese eaten after midnight has no calories and extends your lifespan

donni, to random
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None of the Spin Doctors actually went to spin medical school

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