hungry_joe

hungry_joe, 7 months ago to random

a billion tik toks about cooking and not one about doing the washing up, this is creating a false standard of kitchen

hungry_joe, 7 months ago to random

Casting Call:

Looking for two male-bodied people, or a gay couple, for a non-explicit but vaguely sexually-themed commercial photo shoot in Berlin this week. Paid, naturally. Shoot will be about 4 hours.

Please boost :D

hungry_joe, 7 months ago to random

how is there not a blonde hair dye called Lightening In A Bottle, do i have to do everything around here

hungry_joe, 6 months ago to random

I hope you like bad boys baby, cos i'm fuckin terrible

hungry_joe, 6 months ago to random

what's the point of working out? you lift weights so you can lift more weights. POINTLESS. what if when you worked out you got better at cooking or something. like I worked out all month and now im good at budgeting

hungry_joe, 5 months ago to random

i have the most blasphemous boner right now

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

this police artist is gonna be so pissed when he realises im making him do a self-portrait

hungry_joe, 4 months ago to random

accidentally put ;) instead of :) in a work email, feels like I just sexually propositioned a colleague, expecting an email from HR any second

hungry_joe, 1 month ago to random

everyone in this cafe: look at him running his own business from his laptop, must be a real high achiever

me:

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

no boss i won't be coming back to the office, why would i give up access to my own private toilet

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

my neck
my back
my anxiety attack

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

interviewer: wow 40 years old and no gaps on your CV

me: yep thats right i am completely burned out, if u hire me imma prolly have a breakdown in the first month

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

God grant me the drip to yeet the things I can’t even, the rizz to vibe with the things I can, and the ick to know the difference

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

Told my mum I had to be evacuated because there was a bomb in my garden and she said "the bomb looks like a guinea pig" and I was like, "mum that's not the poin... OH MY GOD IT DOES"

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

FACT: in germany the car repair shop is called the autocorrect

hungry_joe, 4 months ago to random

as kinky people, it is our civil and political right to lie to colleagues about what we did at the weekend.

hungry_joe, 1 month ago to random

I do dramatic readings of incel reddit posts now. They do well on tik tok, so someone might enjoy them here too :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cTXbdb04Jo

hungry_joe, 4 months ago to random

FACT: if someone matches with you on a dating app before 9am, they were pooping when they did it

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

Yer mum's dildo arrived

hungry_joe, 4 months ago to random

first day as radiologist

me, whispering to doctor: hey this guys got a fuckin skeleton inside him

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

*quits job
*gives away belongings
*walks barefoot to Tibet
*picks sacred flower as offering
*climbs tallest mountain
*scales highest peak
*approaches wise hermit

wise hermit: what is your one question

Me, panting for breath, near death: shouldn't it be called a teethbrush

hungry_joe, 4 months ago to random

Still single?

Have you tried lowering your standards a little? My girlfriend is a sack full of angry badgers with a mop for a head, we're doing great

hungry_joe, 2 months ago to random

me: i need a hifi

hitachi: we can do that

me: cool. now if only i could find a fucking great big vibrator

hitachi: buddy you aint gonna believe this

hungry_joe, 3 months ago to random

i'm joining the war on drugs (on the side of the drugs)

hungry_joe, 4 months ago to random

in a restaurant, there's a posh young british guy on a date on the next table, just heard him say "when i was backpacking in nicaragua..." but he pronounced it nee-hoo-rah-wah, should i step in, should i save her