can you help me formulate an answer to a colleague who is not my boss but feels entitled to tell me how I have to work?

cross-posted from: linux.community/post/803244

the colleague in question feels that only her way of doing things is the right one and expects me to adapt to her way of thinking and her logic. This is tiring and burdensome because I have to force me to stop doing things automatically and efficiently, but think how she wants it done and do it her way. I work worse when this happens.

There are several ways to reach the same goal and I always adapt according to the situation at hand. I do what feels logic at the time and work my way.

I already told the charge nurse charge about it but I don’t know if she had a conversation with this coworker and what was said.

The message has to be neutral and polite. What do you think of this?

I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It’s tiring. You have your way of doing things, I’ve got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I’m gonna go work now.

spittingimage,
@spittingimage@lemmy.world avatar

“Thanks for your interest, but I’m not looking for input on my work process.”

xmunk,

In a creative field you should always invite input - but that doesn’t mean you should allow your creativity to be constantly overriden.

intensely_human,

As a software developer I remember the day I told my client no, I wasn’t going to do it his way. It felt so good, and our relationship was much better after that.

Before that, my decision was that because he was cutting the checks it was his call.

But that day, I just drew a new boundary for myself: I’m not doing bad work.

(In our case, the “bad work” was always some shortcut that I knew would cause tech debt or maintenance issues later on, because my client didn’t want to spend money near term)

livus,
livus avatar

This is the one.

@permit54, as soon as you start to justify argue explain or defend your position to her, that implies you acknowledge she has a right to question your methods.

She doesn't. She's not the boss of you and you don't need to engage with her preferences.

CerealKiller01,

First, Ask the colleague why she feels her way is better.

If she says something like “it just is”, reply that while you’re open to other ways to do things, you have a way that currently works for you, and would need a reason to switch your workflows.

If she gives an actual answer, consider it. Maybe it is better than what you’re use to. maybe it’s possible to incorporate both ways to have the best of both worlds. Assuming you still think you way is better, say something along the lines of (I’m basing this on something I said to a co-worker in order not to be too abstract): “I get that doing it your way [is simpler and requires less troubleshooting], but it can also [give wrong results if a thing changes and we forget to correct for it]. My way [corrects for it automatically]. For me, eliminating the risk of [forgetting to manually correct] is worth the need to [do some troubleshooting]. Maybe that’s because you have [better memory] and I’m better at [technical stuff], so we each have a way that works for us, but will not work for the other. I appreciate that you took the time and explained your way of thinking, and I hope you understand why my way is better for me”.

After that, if she still insists, tell her you clearly aren’t able to come to an agreement among yourselves, so maybe it’s better you both talk to the charge nurse if manager or whatever.

HobbitFoot,

Yeah. I’ve tried to create a culture in my group where people can recommend to others a better way to do things. This includes people reporting to me showing me how to do things better.

OP may have a good reason for doing things their own way, but if “it is easier for me” causes increased error or time to complete, I’m not going to be happy as a manager.

ulkesh,
@ulkesh@beehaw.org avatar

Sometimes a simple “No” works wonders.

kandoh,

Is the end result the same? Sometimes the right process gets better end results. Especially if you’re a new hire, it’s worth considering doing it their way just out of humility.

I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It’s tiring. You have your way of doing things, I’ve got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I’m gonna go work now.

This is an extremely aggressive way to speak to someone. It’s a little wild that this is what you came up with trying to be neutral and diplomatic. Genuinely makes me question if you’re understanding this person and your role correctly.

If you’re certain that doing it your way is just as good then I recommend the following message:

Hi [person’s name]! I wanted to thank you for your help getting me situated into this new role at [company name]. I really appreciate the difficulties of integrating a new team member, and I want you to know I’m 100% committed to doing good work together.

My personal experience with projects like these involves a work flow that looks more like [x, y, z], and the clients that I’ve worked for using this process were always happy with the results. The process you showed me where it’s [a, b, c] doesn’t make as much sense to me, perhaps we can schedule some time to go over why it’s more effective doing it [a, b, c] rather than [x, y, z]? Otherwise, just for the sake of completing the project ASAP I would prefer using the way I have more experience with.

Happy to discuss this with you further at anytime and excited about the great things we’ll be making together 😁

That’s a bullet proof corporate email any manager would take a look at and know you’re not the problem.

permit54,

It’s a little wild that this is what you came up with trying to be neutral and diplomatic.

that’s why this post is titled ‘can you help me…?’

Genuinely makes me question if you’re understanding this person and your role correctly.

I only know she’s not my boss and my role is the same as her.

I don’t understand why you believe you know my role better than me.

I wouldn’t do this over email. To be effective, the message has to be said next time she feels entitled to ‘correct’ me.

but, just my 2 cents

kandoh,

I only know she’s not my boss and my role is the same as her.

They’ve been in the role longer than you have, that gives them seniority over you.

I don’t understand why you believe you know my role better than me.

You’ve been purposely vague about your role so I am left to make a best guess.

I wouldn’t do this over email. To be effective, the message has to be said next time she feels entitled to ‘correct’ me.

You should do it over email so there is a written record and no miscommunication. You could even CC your supervisor if you wajt to play hardball.

Your currently strategy is to snap at her the next time she annoys you. Not a good look for a new hire.

permit54,

keep assuming

kandoh,

Okay you’re a nurse. You should get over yourself and just do it the way the other nurse is showing you. Be humble 🫶

Devi,

"It's great you've found a way that works for you, I do it a little differently which works great for me", smile and leave.

sylver_dragon,

First question: is there a documented Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) you or she is breaking?
If there is an SOP, follow that and only that. When coworker complains, point to the SOP and tell her that you’re following the SOP and will let management know that she isn’t. If you’re not following the SOP and the coworker is trying to get you to follow it, then start following the SOP. Those often exist for very good reasons. If there is no SOP, and it’s something which needs to be done regularly and might impact either life-safety or business operation if it’s not done correctly, then see if management is open to documenting the procedure and creating an SOP. Offer to lead the effort.

Second question:

The message has to be neutral and polite.

Why?
“If you would like to do it, I would be happy to let you. Until then, please fuck off and let me do my job.”

fratermus,
@fratermus@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

“You’re not the boss of me” :-)

Minarble,

Ask them to show you how it’s done.

Do the same thing next time.

Back away slowly and leave them to it.

Go and have a coffee.

Ask for a raise as you are good at managing people to do the work.

teawrecks,

“Thanks for the advice, but this way is working out for me. If <your superior> prefers I do it differently, they’ll let me know.”

I feel like this is just the right amount of curtness.

1984,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

I would just say thanks for your opinion, but I will do this the way I want to.

intensely_human,

I will do this the way I know is more effective for me.

roguetrick,

Do not go to your unit manager with this shit. Take report, give care, give report, leave. Otherwise acknowledge and move on. Every nurse thinks they're the best nurse. It's just how it is.

If you don't want to talk to someone, just tell them you forgot to chart something and then ignore them. They'll get the hint.

This is a profession that, for better or worse, attracts type A personalities.

Edit: and most charge nurses would not intervene in this either.

Entropywins,

I would start telling them how to do EVERYTHING. But I’m petty

Stovetop,

Rule number 1 in a work dispute is to always place yourself as the better person. Even if there are a million things you’d like to say to that person, say whatever is needed to make sure that an outsider looking in would see you as the more sympathetic.

The proposed message seems a bit too direct and harsh, and if scrutinized might be seen as confrontational. I would probably word it more like:

“Hey, thank you for all the advice. I’ve had a lot of time to try what you’ve suggested, but in the end I’ve decided that the way I’ve been doing things just makes more sense for me after all. I appreciate your perspective though, and I’m glad you have a workflow that works better for you.”

Based on the “charge nurse” mention, I am assuming you work in a hospital setting, so you could also throw in a “My main priority is patient care, and I would hate to cause any potential harm if I end up messing something up because it’s not the way I’m used to doing it.”

That being said, again assuming this is a hospital environment, I’d also like to encourage the following:

  • Be mindful of potential regulatory slip-ups that you can get dinged for. The technology and documentation that you work with isn’t the authority on following best practices, you are. The EMR won’t always stop you from doing something wrong, even if it seems “easier”.
  • Confirm with the charge/manager that there isn’t some other necessary element that your coworker’s workflow satisfies but yours might miss. They are just as stressed as everyone else and can’t watch every instance of care during every hour of the day. That’s what periodic audits are for, and sometimes things may not accurately paint a picture of your performance if they measure one metric but you are using another.
  • If your IT people tell you that X is the new way of doing things and Y will be going away, do your best to get used to X as quickly as possible. Sometimes the change is overblown, Y still works even after X is added, but you don’t want to have 8 patients on your list for the day and suddenly have to make significant workflow changes if that turns out to not be the case. And similar to what was mentioned before, sometimes changes are regulatory in nature.
Today,

My coworker said she writes things and then asks AI to make it sound professional.

Drusas,

The future is today, and it's terribly dull.

jbrains,

Don’t assume you know what is going through their mind, if you want to neutral and polite.

“I believe I’m fulfilling the duties of the job. What am I failing to get done?”

Focus on the requirements of the job and the fact that you’re meeting them.

dan1101,

Not sure I like this because it assumes it is her business to decide whether you’re doing the job.

jmcs,

In a healthy workplace your peers are allowed (and should even be incentivized) to give you feedback about your work. Requesting a justification can turn an order into valid constructive feedback. Or it can be the start of an entire circus performance if there’s no actual justification but it would at least try to address the issue.

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