When was the last time you felt helpless in life?

I’m 24 and dealing with high blood pressure. I’ve seen five doctors, had countless tests, and they all say the same thing: “Take these pills and try to reduce pressure in your life.” It’s as though my blood pressure and heart rate have minds of their own, fluctuating freely without any reason.

For the past six months, I’ve felt like I’m on borrowed time. Every morning, I gulp down my pills, hoping I won’t have a stroke or end up disabled. Once, I dared to think I was better and skipped my meds for two days. Unfortunately, on day three, my blood pressure shot up over 150, bringing me crashing back to reality.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard. Maybe I’m just like a “24 years old kid” tasting life’s bitterness for the first time. I hate to compare myself with others, but seeing friends partying, doing drugs, and sipping coffee just makes me hate this fate of mine even more.

I’m an artist, I studied music and wrote lots of songs (only keep them for myself, not trying to be a celebrity or anything like that…), and music has always been my escape. Lately, though, my songs have been pretty dark.

I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but to connect with anyone else who’s going through a same journey in their life. If you’ve been there and made it out, please tell me how you did it. Any advice, hobby, or habit would help! And if you’re still stuck in the trenches like me, just know you’re not alone.

P/S: This post has been improved by ChatGPT since I’m not confident in my English.

nom_nom_nom_9999,

now

Jarix,

Hey OP not sure what music you are into but this song might hit hard with you. Theres also a bit of a message from the artist at the end that i found to be worth listening to to whole video.

This may be uncomfortable for some, my apologies to anyone who would have preferred not to listen

www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc

meekah,
@meekah@lemmy.world avatar

A friend also sent me this a while ago. I usually listen to electronic music and hip hop, and can’t really stand this type of singer songwriter music. However, this particular track really hit with the lyrics to the point I watched the video completely.

Syltti,

Now. For the last decade, honestly.

nytrixus,

My life right now is on a countdown timer, a very slow one at that. It’s tied to the rotting decay of my teeth. The oral surgeries, dental implants and all of that I know will cost me thousands even with insurance. It’s something I elect not to face and deal with because in doing so, it’ll pit me in either a life of debt or I’ll be spending a life with no chance of having any kind of enjoyment with whatever gains I make because it’ll all be spent just dealing with one expense after another.

I know the severities of what happens if you choose not to deal with oral health. I also suspect that I am feeling some of the effects of it as well. Rather than feeling continual hopelessness about it, I just do what I can, brush my teeth knowing it’s pointless because they’re going to all go away by the time I’m 45 or 50.

BirdEnjoyer,

All the alcoholism in both sides of my family, and I'm fretting about my liver, when I'm taking less than the recommended dose of a prescribed medication that could change my life if I could take more.

And I'm on a COPD inhaler and I've never touched any death sticks at all.

Life isn't fair, I 100% feel you.

I also literally felt you when they put me on amitriptyline and that gave me hbp and they kept trying to act like it wasn't that big a deal- that with all my other health problems, my blood pressure would start getting off, and I'd have stress, yadda yadda.

It really does feel physically horrible, especially the headaches and sleep issues.

My biggest advice is to never be afraid about a second- or third or fourth opinion with your health, and be gentle but persistent with your goals.

Its the art of pushing without breaking.

Now, this is the experience for me and some unhealthy overachievers, so take the following with a grain of salt:

A lot of times people with underlying health issues actually function their whole lives by pushing until they crash, but hide their crash, and just assume everyone else hides the meltdowns/16-hour sleeps/weekly puke sessions/etc too.

If that happens to describe you, then you're going to need to get comfortable with giving just 25% effort in a lot of things until you can safely figure out how to actually not hurt yourself.

I'm serious.

Step out of your skin, and treat yourself as you would your precious little sibling or something. Dote on yourself.

Aaand I've typed too much. It gets my own stuff going. But good luck.

khiemtu27,

Thank you for your honest advice and straightforward approach, it’s really helpful. I’ll definitely take a moment to reconsider things that might have slipped my mind but affect my health.

Typing to much means you really care about others! Thanks a lot for that!

BirdEnjoyer,

And as for hobbies, try needle felting if you feel dangerous.

stabbing is fun, and its not about precision, just the aggregation of effort.

Black_Gulaman,
@Black_Gulaman@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

practically everyday.

Maeve,

Hug

Black_Gulaman,
@Black_Gulaman@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Thank you.

Maeve,

Welcome.

LSNLDN,

May your fortune turn in your favour soon

Black_Gulaman,
@Black_Gulaman@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Thank you, and the same to you too, and each and everyone of us.

ArmoredThirteen,

I’m in my 30s and feel completely hopeless right now. It comes and goes, I’ll be great for a few years then everything collapses for a few. Right now I’m staring down an expensive major surgery, losing a series of very important people in my life, divorce, work burnout. Just got to take it as best you can and try to find some goals to point toward

My current hobbies include doing as many physical activities as I can to keep my mind off things, painting minis, and playing ukulele. Do what you can to have good sleeping habits. My sleep is garbage and it makes everything 10x harder. As always, don’t forget to drink water

Seeing people around you partying, having gone through my own drugs and alcohol phase, it’s not all that worth it really. At least for me at any rate. I was much happier after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out

Maeve,

Wow. That's a lot to deal with. I wish you the best possible outcome, in all events.

after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out.

I stayed to myself for two months, barely went out of my yard, or answered the phone to kick cigarettes. Of course what drinking and the occasional weed I did also went, to make kicking cigarettes easier. I went within, so so deep within. After going out into the world again, I realized: I don't need to fit in -- I certainly don't want to fit in, anymore.

ArmoredThirteen,

Thank you, I’m slowly working through it. The surgery at least is a good thing even if it is having its way with my savings and the recovery is going to be wild. Been like two years of wait list, delays, prep, and it is coming together in about 6 weeks! After that all goes through I get to start un-fucking the rest of my life x.x

Maeve,

Aw, that's great and a great attitude. May you and your bank account have a speedy, full recovery. Maybe you'll let me know how you're doing, after, when you're well enough? I'm pulling for you.

Melkath,

Blood pressure charts are made by 100lb 5ft4in doctors who run a mile every day and live on a diet of kale and insist everyone should measure the same way.

You're fine bro.

Your worrying about your blood pressure is raising your blood pressure.

Maeve,

That's not true. High BP can lead to kidney failure, stroke, heart attacks. And having tachycardia at that age makes me wonder what else is going on. Ianad, but I've lost plenty friends and family members to heart and bp issues that would have been easily treatable if they proper Care wouldn't have been cost-prohibited. I did have one friend who could have well -afforded his BP meds and eaten/exercised better (maybe 40 lb overweight), but just didn't, plus drank heavily, by medical definition.

Melkath,

The point is a 24 year old doesn't need to bring about a stroke today from constant panic because of their BP.

I was and am there.

The best thing they can do is not listen to people like you trying to spike their BP with panic.

Maeve,

Sure. Just ignore symptoms and stroke out regardless.

Melkath,

Spoken like a 2nd year doctor or a 3rd year nurse.

A_Random_Idiot,

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard.

My sibling, You are not alone in living in constant terror of medical maladies that doctors have no interest in pursuing further than symptomatic treatment.

I am in the same boat. I have seen half a dozen doctors, all at great personal expense cause I dont have insurance, and been in the ER dozens times in the past 10 years.

and all I have is a handwave and “its probably anxiety”. Sure, I have anxiety. I have anxiety cause my heart rates over 200 for no reason. because my chest feels like an elephants sitting on it. because it feels like a flaming fist has Kali-Ma’d its way into my chest and is squeezing down in my heart. The anxiety didnt cause that shit. That shit caused the anxiety.

As proven when they stick that big beautiful syringe of Ativan or other powerful anxiety med in my IV and I go off to no-fucks given land, yet all my symptoms stay. Just now I dont care anymore cause I’m floating on rainbows amidst femboy angels.

But hey, my cardiac enzymes are good, and my EKG is clean (despite the 200bpm) so it just must all be in my head.

Drusas,

I'm sorry you're dealing with a mystery health condition, and especially so young. I've been through much the same. Eventually, gradually, you come to get used to how your body works now and health(/death) isn't always at the forefront of your mind. Hobbies and distractions do help, even something as simple a reading, watching movies, listening to audiobooks, bird-watching, whatever works best for you.

I would also recommend that you measure your heart rate and blood pressure while lying down versus while standing up. This is how I found out that I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) -- which is a long name that means, essentially, my body cannot properly regulate my heart rate, causing it to skyrocket when I'm not laying down. It's not an uncommon condition, but it is one that most medical professionals will not think of to test for.

khiemtu27,

Thanks a lot for your suggestions. I’ll take a look at POTS!

shadowSprite,

If you’ve had covid, it’s done a number on some young people’s cardiovascular systems. I know a person in their 20s who was very healthy, got covid, and was shortly after diagnosed with POTS. I’ve heard of several other people being diagnosed with POTS after getting covid.

FunkyMonk,

It sucks dude, I got a thing with my stomach after being nervous and having a weird/high heartrate my whole life. Wish I had some better advice but sometimes there are still good days. Art helps, It helps me even more when I channel my more sinister thinking into it and sometimes it's a shitty place to go. Have to feel out my moods carefully and it sucks. Ranting about it sometimes like this helps too, don't be shy to do it more either. Don't ever fall into the trap of 'others have it worse' it's ok to be mad at things sucking in your own life, I think anyway. It's also good to focus on those few things that make it not suck for a little or suck less, thats how I get by.

Maeve,

Gratitude is an amazing drug, but it must be used on schedule, for a while, before results are felt.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

Tuesday. Ended up in the ER with a massive pain in my side, felt like I had ruptured something.

Turns out it was “Epiploic Appendagitis”, which is kind of like appendicitis but on the other side. I call it “Table of Contentsitis”.

Not dangerous, just hurts like fuck so they loaded me up with hydromorphone.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4644543

“hydromorphone is five to ten times more potent than morphine”.

khiemtu27,

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry to hear about your experience, hope you recover soon and never have to endure anything like that again.

Maeve,

Ever had food poisoning on top of IBS? I wasn't wanting to swap war stories, apologies if it seemed minimizing.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

War zone in your gut? Yeah, feels like that…

Maeve,

Countless hours a day with the anterior in the trash can and posterior on the toilet.

VaultBoyNewVegas,

Now I’ve had a flare up of ulcerative colitis for most of the year and I was in hospital about a month ago and discharged after 6 days which was a month ago. I’m now back in hospital because my disease didn’t improve at home and now it looked like I was responding to the treatment in hospital but things are going they way they went after I was discharged so fuck knows what they’ll do. I’ve a specialist nurse in charge of my general care and a consultant who calls the shots on the treatment. The nurse wants me on a medication that’s taken as an IV ASAP and the consultant wants me to take the previous prescribed medication that hasn’t worked despite working in 48 hours according to the manufacturer. So as the current treatment probably won’t work I fucking hope that the consultant don’t just decide “eh fuck it, let’s just open up his bowel and give the fucker a stoma bag”

I’m not in the US by the way I’m the UK and the NHS where I live is actually pretty good and the staff in general is great I’m the hospital I’m in and my nurse is great. I just don’t really like my consultant as any time he’s seen me in hospital it’s only for a minute asking how I’ve been and then he fucks off. It’s like he’s not interested in really finding out things in depth whereas the nurse and I will discuss things and she’ll explain why certain foods are harmful for me during a flare and how to work around that and she’ll explain the medication I’m on.

Maeve,

Yuck. I've had gastric issues for so long. I wish you a speedy and full recovery.

VaultBoyNewVegas,

I wish I just had gastric issues. IBD is basically inflammation of the bowel that’s caused by the immune system being in overdrive so basically the immune system is attacking the bowel. So it causes frequent need for the toilet in my case between 10 times to 20 times a day, I’ve had a temporary form of arthritis that caused swelling on my feet, I regularly suffer anemia and all the symptoms with that, I’ve lost weight, I was a UK large in clothes and now they’re baggy as fuck on me so I could be a small now, I end up with no appetite so I end up going days without eating or only eating a sandwich, I regularly haven’t slept for a months because I have to get up every hour for the toilet and with IBD when you need to go you need to go no, there’s no such thing as holding it. It’s also a chronic illness/disease so I’ll have to live with it the rest of my life.

LSNLDN,

Not to be one of those guys but have you tried cannabis for your symptoms? I have a friend with what you describe who I know treats all the symptoms effectively with a small bit of cannabis (vaped, pure) that means mostly he’s fine day to day. Also it’s legal in the UK, as you would be eligible for a medical prescription; it costs a bit and isn’t the best quality from all I’ve seen but you can always get whatever as long as you keep a prescription pot on you.

Thrillhouse,

You just gotta try to hang on. Life as you get older is a total question of wtf is going to happen next.

I’m in one of those cycles.

  1. Covid
  2. Walked in on my dad almost dead from undiagnosed cancer and my childhood home trashed because everything fell apart when he was looking after my mom who has early onset dementia
  3. 2 weeks later my dad dies & I am visiting the hospital during the height of Covid. My mom has to live in the hospital and doesn’t know who I am anymore. She doesn’t know her husband died.
  4. Cancer scare. I think it will be fine? They’re still testing.
  5. Husband lost his job. I am the only breadwinner.
  6. Sister in abusive relationship with a severely mentally unstable husband who is spending all of their money. I fear every day he is going to kill her and their kids. She can’t kick him out of the house because he is on disability and can’t afford his own place.
  7. Substantial changes at my job leading to feelings of mega insecurity for me.

Oh yeah and my mom isn’t even dead yet!

But I’ve also had some really great experiences during this time that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

If psychedelics are safe for you and you have no history of mental illness in your family I would strongly suggest that.

khiemtu27,

You’re 100000 times stronger than most people I know, including myself. I’m so sorry for all you’ve had to endure. It’s strange how hearing about others’ struggles can sometimes make us feel better, but it truly does.

Maeve,

Jesus! Please accept my virtual hug? I'm really proud of you, how strong you are to be going through all that and have such a healthy outlook. I'm so glad you shared, setting an example for all of us, myself included.

Wrt sister's husband... That's not her problem. But if she's concerned fur everyone involved, maybe subsidized housing is a possibility? Maybe with minor children, she's able to get free or low-cost legal counseling? I know you didn't ask for my advice, I'm sorry if I was out of bounds. Thank you again for showing us the power of grace, gratitude and humility. You knock it out of the park.

Thrillhouse,

Everyone has their stuff and their time to go through it.

Looking at what others are enduring too helps for inspiration and strength - frig someone I know has a parent dying of ALS and doesn’t even show it in their day to day. That’s a rough situation, they’re in their early 30s like me and they’re handing it with so much grace.

Someone else I know, late 20s, just severely injured themselves in a foreign country to the point where they are in a medically induced coma and may never walk again. The medical bills are going to be at least $100k to evacuate them out, and they can’t leave the country until it’s paid. That’s awful for them and their family.

I wouldn’t trade either of these situations for my own.

I’m not saying OP should look down on people who have it worse or that they can’t be mad/sad with their current situation. Just that hearing others’ stories can help with the strength to move forward.

In terms of my sis, one of the greatest lessons in life I’ve learned is that you can’t make another adult do anything even when it really is the best thing for them. I think there’s a strong criminal harassment case but she’s gotta get there - I just have to support her until she does. This gets him out of the house, makes it safer for her, and then they can divide assets. She’s trying to deal with him rationally and keep harmony but it hasn’t sunk in that no matter what she does it will boost the tension and she’s just gotta rip the band aid off in the smartest and safest way. In divorce law, it can be used against you if you “abandon the home” and their home has tons of equity so she can’t go anywhere. And any subsidized housing for him is several years’ wait. Hard to convince a mentally ill person who needs treatment of that when he flip flops between his new GF, breaking up with his new GF, can him and my sister get back together, wait no my sister is the devil and me and her are both cheating on our husbands (lol not cheating in her case because they’re separated), emailing my husband these lies and then in a separate email admitting they are lies, believing her birth control IUD is actually an abortion and she’s a baby killer, then wait no GF and him are back together.

LSNLDN,

Fuuuucking hell. Sending you positive energy. You’re right that reading others trials and tribulations really helps put one’s own shit into perspective. And there’s always so many people having a worse time of it especially right in the world. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope it gets much better for you soon

Maeve,

Hi. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds really scary. I'm wondering if you have some other condition going on. Is it possible this is related to any other physical conditions? Is getting a thorough physical workup doable?

That being ruled out, maybe you could talk to a counselor with regard to your stressors, physical and mental? Are you getting plenty of fresh air and sun? Vitamin d is amazing for so many things, and it's best when you can get enough from sunlight. Plus just walking several times a week is great. Maybe nutrition coaching is also a possibility?

khiemtu27,

I’ve taken a thorough blood test, x-ray, and CT scan. Doctors are like “It’s just the stress dude, your body is ok.”

Thank you a lot for these suggestions. I’m gonna try them out!

Maeve,

You're so welcome. I wish I had more to offer. Best wishes to you.

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