When was the last time you felt helpless in life?

I’m 24 and dealing with high blood pressure. I’ve seen five doctors, had countless tests, and they all say the same thing: “Take these pills and try to reduce pressure in your life.” It’s as though my blood pressure and heart rate have minds of their own, fluctuating freely without any reason.

For the past six months, I’ve felt like I’m on borrowed time. Every morning, I gulp down my pills, hoping I won’t have a stroke or end up disabled. Once, I dared to think I was better and skipped my meds for two days. Unfortunately, on day three, my blood pressure shot up over 150, bringing me crashing back to reality.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard. Maybe I’m just like a “24 years old kid” tasting life’s bitterness for the first time. I hate to compare myself with others, but seeing friends partying, doing drugs, and sipping coffee just makes me hate this fate of mine even more.

I’m an artist, I studied music and wrote lots of songs (only keep them for myself, not trying to be a celebrity or anything like that…), and music has always been my escape. Lately, though, my songs have been pretty dark.

I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but to connect with anyone else who’s going through a same journey in their life. If you’ve been there and made it out, please tell me how you did it. Any advice, hobby, or habit would help! And if you’re still stuck in the trenches like me, just know you’re not alone.

P/S: This post has been improved by ChatGPT since I’m not confident in my English.

nom_nom_nom_9999,

now

Syltti,

Now. For the last decade, honestly.

nytrixus,

My life right now is on a countdown timer, a very slow one at that. It’s tied to the rotting decay of my teeth. The oral surgeries, dental implants and all of that I know will cost me thousands even with insurance. It’s something I elect not to face and deal with because in doing so, it’ll pit me in either a life of debt or I’ll be spending a life with no chance of having any kind of enjoyment with whatever gains I make because it’ll all be spent just dealing with one expense after another.

I know the severities of what happens if you choose not to deal with oral health. I also suspect that I am feeling some of the effects of it as well. Rather than feeling continual hopelessness about it, I just do what I can, brush my teeth knowing it’s pointless because they’re going to all go away by the time I’m 45 or 50.

Jarix,

Hey OP not sure what music you are into but this song might hit hard with you. Theres also a bit of a message from the artist at the end that i found to be worth listening to to whole video.

This may be uncomfortable for some, my apologies to anyone who would have preferred not to listen

www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc

meekah,
@meekah@lemmy.world avatar

A friend also sent me this a while ago. I usually listen to electronic music and hip hop, and can’t really stand this type of singer songwriter music. However, this particular track really hit with the lyrics to the point I watched the video completely.

A_Random_Idiot,

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard.

My sibling, You are not alone in living in constant terror of medical maladies that doctors have no interest in pursuing further than symptomatic treatment.

I am in the same boat. I have seen half a dozen doctors, all at great personal expense cause I dont have insurance, and been in the ER dozens times in the past 10 years.

and all I have is a handwave and “its probably anxiety”. Sure, I have anxiety. I have anxiety cause my heart rates over 200 for no reason. because my chest feels like an elephants sitting on it. because it feels like a flaming fist has Kali-Ma’d its way into my chest and is squeezing down in my heart. The anxiety didnt cause that shit. That shit caused the anxiety.

As proven when they stick that big beautiful syringe of Ativan or other powerful anxiety med in my IV and I go off to no-fucks given land, yet all my symptoms stay. Just now I dont care anymore cause I’m floating on rainbows amidst femboy angels.

But hey, my cardiac enzymes are good, and my EKG is clean (despite the 200bpm) so it just must all be in my head.

interrobang,

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and tachycardia as a skinny teenager, and I’m healthier than I’ve been since childhood now, in my late 30s. You’re not automatically doomed!

I went thru 4 or 5 meds initially, and finally settled on a beta blocker, which i love because it has anti-anxiety effects. I was also on a second med for a long time, but my numbers are finally getting better as i get older.

I know it sounds lame, but yoga helps me so much. I haven’t had an easy life, I’m queer and sorta lived in my car here and there, but yoga helps me feel less out-of-control.

z00s,

OP you sound exactly like me at that age. I was diagnosed with kidney disease at 16 and got a transplant after one year of dialysis at age 27.

Things were amazing after that but now I’ve got terminal cancer at age 41.

Make the most of everything you’ve got while you still can.

Maeve,

Wow. You've been through it. I'm sorry.

kava,

Last time I felt helpless was a little less than a decade ago when I was in active heroin addiction. I knew I had a problem, I really wanted to quit, and I tried hard to quit… and I kept ignoring myself and using anyway.

I ended up finally succeeding in staying clean after like 5 or 6 relapses, with each clean period lasting longer than the previous. Now I’ve been clean for a little over 8 years.

I haven’t felt powerless or helpless since.

Here’s my advice. Put one foot in front of the other and walk forwards. Just take it a day at a time and worry about what’s immediately in front of you.

Maeve,

Wow, that's hard. Great job!

leanleft, (edited )
@leanleft@lemmy.ml avatar

Searching hypertension… Wikipedia shows me this:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_hypertensionHowever its safest to rule out any other causes en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secondary_hypertension

ArmoredThirteen,

I’m in my 30s and feel completely hopeless right now. It comes and goes, I’ll be great for a few years then everything collapses for a few. Right now I’m staring down an expensive major surgery, losing a series of very important people in my life, divorce, work burnout. Just got to take it as best you can and try to find some goals to point toward

My current hobbies include doing as many physical activities as I can to keep my mind off things, painting minis, and playing ukulele. Do what you can to have good sleeping habits. My sleep is garbage and it makes everything 10x harder. As always, don’t forget to drink water

Seeing people around you partying, having gone through my own drugs and alcohol phase, it’s not all that worth it really. At least for me at any rate. I was much happier after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out

Maeve,

Wow. That's a lot to deal with. I wish you the best possible outcome, in all events.

after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out.

I stayed to myself for two months, barely went out of my yard, or answered the phone to kick cigarettes. Of course what drinking and the occasional weed I did also went, to make kicking cigarettes easier. I went within, so so deep within. After going out into the world again, I realized: I don't need to fit in -- I certainly don't want to fit in, anymore.

ArmoredThirteen,

Thank you, I’m slowly working through it. The surgery at least is a good thing even if it is having its way with my savings and the recovery is going to be wild. Been like two years of wait list, delays, prep, and it is coming together in about 6 weeks! After that all goes through I get to start un-fucking the rest of my life x.x

Maeve,

Aw, that's great and a great attitude. May you and your bank account have a speedy, full recovery. Maybe you'll let me know how you're doing, after, when you're well enough? I'm pulling for you.

Black_Gulaman,
@Black_Gulaman@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

practically everyday.

Maeve,

Hug

Black_Gulaman,
@Black_Gulaman@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Thank you.

Maeve,

Welcome.

LSNLDN,

May your fortune turn in your favour soon

Black_Gulaman,
@Black_Gulaman@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Thank you, and the same to you too, and each and everyone of us.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

We’re all humans. In some way, shape, or form, we all feel helpless about one thing or another to an extent. People are poorly built for independence, especially if talking about in the form of single person homes, nuclear families, and jobs that involve a routine that’s set in stone. There is no such thing as complete soundness of mind, and parenting without the co-parenting help of the village is a huge balancing act. We are also often caught off-guard by the sheer complexity of some of the matters we face as well as those others face, with many moving parts we can piece together while others are perpetually in our blind spots. All those people you mention who go partying and drinking, although they may argue they’re living to the fullest in our crude world, take their perception of how experience works for granted. I’ve seen people whom everyone looks at with awe as the person soars to new heights before they are hit with a chronic medical condition, the one thing money can never protect you from. I myself have been reminded of my own unchangeable limits, having just the right set of circumstances that take my friends and family away from me, being pressured into resuming a past relative’s residence which moved me away from friends by a few hundred miles and invoked jealousy in my remaining family members. The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community’s name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.

Maeve,

The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community’s name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.

Social expectations, imposed on us by governments, mostly, are designed to break us down. So they label anyone who sees past it, with it without happiness, as having a mental disorder. I neither want nor need an antidepressant to "fix" me. In fact, I've managed to become generally ok and usually happy. What I want is for everyone to work together to fix this ghastly "system" designed to make us crazy. Thoreau caught on too, and they used to make Walden required reading, but that didn't serve the system. Do they still teach it, beyond university liberal arts?

shinigamiookamiryuu,

Yes, or it at least is in my school. It’s too easy to see one’s thoughts in books (Of Mice and Men comes to mind here too, being on the opposite end of the scale, me being in the middle), so any underlying messages perceived by others went over my head, but if everyone’s word is went by, to put it briefly, Thoreau could use a sense of sonder.

Maeve,

So he should be inauthentic about inauthenticity? Lol.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

Tuesday. Ended up in the ER with a massive pain in my side, felt like I had ruptured something.

Turns out it was “Epiploic Appendagitis”, which is kind of like appendicitis but on the other side. I call it “Table of Contentsitis”.

Not dangerous, just hurts like fuck so they loaded me up with hydromorphone.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4644543

“hydromorphone is five to ten times more potent than morphine”.

khiemtu27,

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry to hear about your experience, hope you recover soon and never have to endure anything like that again.

Maeve,

Ever had food poisoning on top of IBS? I wasn't wanting to swap war stories, apologies if it seemed minimizing.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

War zone in your gut? Yeah, feels like that…

Maeve,

Countless hours a day with the anterior in the trash can and posterior on the toilet.

FunkyMonk,

It sucks dude, I got a thing with my stomach after being nervous and having a weird/high heartrate my whole life. Wish I had some better advice but sometimes there are still good days. Art helps, It helps me even more when I channel my more sinister thinking into it and sometimes it's a shitty place to go. Have to feel out my moods carefully and it sucks. Ranting about it sometimes like this helps too, don't be shy to do it more either. Don't ever fall into the trap of 'others have it worse' it's ok to be mad at things sucking in your own life, I think anyway. It's also good to focus on those few things that make it not suck for a little or suck less, thats how I get by.

Maeve,

Gratitude is an amazing drug, but it must be used on schedule, for a while, before results are felt.

Maeve,

Hi. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds really scary. I'm wondering if you have some other condition going on. Is it possible this is related to any other physical conditions? Is getting a thorough physical workup doable?

That being ruled out, maybe you could talk to a counselor with regard to your stressors, physical and mental? Are you getting plenty of fresh air and sun? Vitamin d is amazing for so many things, and it's best when you can get enough from sunlight. Plus just walking several times a week is great. Maybe nutrition coaching is also a possibility?

khiemtu27,

I’ve taken a thorough blood test, x-ray, and CT scan. Doctors are like “It’s just the stress dude, your body is ok.”

Thank you a lot for these suggestions. I’m gonna try them out!

Maeve,

You're so welcome. I wish I had more to offer. Best wishes to you.

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