It’s a drastic disparity. Men do 80%+ of violent crime, 95% of murders, and 95% of sexual violence, with the caveat that we know, for sure, is severely under reported.
Every time a woman gets attacked there is a large contingent of the population who start to blame the fact that they weren’t living under the assumption of being in danger from men. In this post’s comment section you can see people making comments about not carrying a gun, not taking self defense seriously, etc. These are also often people who are in the “not all men” crowd. So women are shit on both for treating men like a danger, while also being shit on for not doing just that. People will also demand that women, in any social environment, discuss the subject in a dispassionate, and clinical, manner, or in a warm and friendly manner, in which the subject, men, are treated with kid gloves. Who gives a shit that this has left the person speaking with life long trauma issues, you better be nice about it, or it’s your fault nothing changes. This is the type of thing that is the problem here. This isn’t the only commonly seen way women are forced into a catch 22 situation. Society has pushed them into an impossible situation where, no matter what they do, they are wrong. I think society, especially men, have to come to terms with just how insanely prolific harassment, and violence, directed at women, primarily from men, is.
Another trend you commonly see, when this topic comes up, is people doing any mental gymnastics possible, to either claim it’s way blown out of proportion, while all people who work in, or study, this subject are pretty much in universal agreement that the reality of it is actually far worse than what we have on record. That, or they cry “but men too” ignoring that men are far less likely to be on the receiving end of this behavior, and also primarily victimized by other men when they are. When I was doing data analysis for the corrections system I found out (through experts on the subject, I didn’t discover this) that, while disparities in antisocial behaviors within different demographics of people based on things like, race/ethnicity/culture/etc., narrow as the economic, and societal status, disparity of that demographic narrows, the same cannot be said for the disparity between men and women. While men of good economic, and societal, standing are less likely to act in antisocial ways over-all, the disparity between them, and women in similar standing, stays roughly the same.
Without society, men in particular, coming to an understanding about this, rather than too just knee-jerk reject it, claiming so many reasons, that seem logical on a very surface level, to “prove” their position, we will never be able to truly begin to tackle the issue at hand. The deepest rooted, worst issues, are between men and women, but men are also the reason for that proportion of violence, and other antisocial behavior, towards men. Where men are more often the victim than women, such as murder, men are also responsible for the vast majority of it. The societal structures that encourage, at least on the environment side, this at a systemic level are also the product of men being largely in control. We have greatest control over the creation of an array of cultures, the most prevalent of which, at the very least, create an environment that allows this continue, sometimes even promoting aspects of it. In order for this to happen men, collectively, are going to have come to terms that the women’s side of this conversation will often have hostility, and many other negative emotions, woven into it, because they are relaying their trauma. While speaking about deeply, personally, emotional things, It is not realistic to expect anything else.
I don’t disagree that both men and women do heinous things, but women don’t almost never physically attack or kill a man when he shuns her advances, but men absolutely attack women every day for shunning a man’s advances, and sometimes women get straight up murdered for it.
#NotAllMen, but enough men that many women choose the bear.
yes 80+% of violent crime is perpetrated by men. 95% of murders are done by men. 95% of all sexual violence is done by men, and this comes with the caveat that it is highly under reported.
Would you rather be in the wood with a bear rather than a woman because you fear she could rape you? No? Then what the fuck are you even talking about?
Are you really all lives mattering this post rn? God damn dude. I hope every person in your life belittles every problem you personally have by telling you that tons of people have that problem.
Even then it’s contradictory. Men wouldn’t be upset about being chosen over a bear and women wouldn’t be safe if the bear was chosen, so in that specific context it’s nonsensical.
Most bears don’t seek out and attack women, but many men do. One of those happens far more often than the other, and you’re either uninformed or willfully ignorant about that fact.
Yet another exhibit of people not knowing anything about bears. If bears and women had anywhere near the same amount of interactions as men and women, maulings would be up by a percentage with an alarming number of zeroes. This is like the literal equivalent to the Face Eating Leopard Party supporters being surprised that the Leopards are eating their faces.
Yeah this meme as well as the original bear one were meant to be divisive and make people angry. That’s the point of these kinds of memes, they’re not really meant to be intelligent, they’re meant to stir up drama and make people fight.
Hey no worries. More people should act in good faith in my opinion. We don’t even have to agree with everyone but we should have mutual respect for each other and want a better world.
Except one has built in meaning and the other is a simple meme made by one person with an oversimplified idea used likely to stir up people considering all the discussions happening about bears or whatever.
this statement is funny to me, because linguistically, safety is a relatively “felt” concept. We “feel” exposed in a massive open field, and we “feel” safe inside of a building, because we are no longer exposed in a massive wide open field.
In some aspects, physical safety is a thing, but given the context of this thread here, i think it’s probably appropriate to say that it’s actually the feeling of safety here, that matters more than anything. And as a result, this makes the statement a non starter.
Because to some degree, that feeling of safety, is based on well… Feelings, and if feelings are somehow less important than the safety that those feelings are capable of deriving, than how are you supposed to experience safety?
My edge-case where I run into something semi-related to this issue is when I go on my daily walks and get caught walking behind women. I’m a fast walker, it pains me to have to slow down for people and I don’t like having to walk awkwardly around other people walking too slow (especially if they’re just barely slow but not too slow). I realize that the Flash is trapped in a living hell walking behind all these goddamn slow walkers.
I dislike walking behind women especially, nothing that’s their fault, they’re just living life, but because then I get extra self-conscious, like, “Oh geez, what if they think I’m following them or that I’m trying took at their butt or what if I’m making them uncomfortable.” It’s about the implication. Walking slowly isn’t an option because it extends the whole thing out and makes it worse, so then I have to re-route my whole walking routine on the off-chance my very existence might make somebody else uncomfortable.
I’ve tried saying things to them to try to put them at ease like, “I wasn’t planning on raping you,” or “Hey, it’s ok, I’m not a rapist,” but nothing seems to work, if anything, it makes them more uncomfortable. I honestly don’t know what women want from men.
Uh, you could literally just go around them and not say anything, or say excuse me or something. Happens all the time, and presumably these walks aren’t at 3am, so most people wouldn’t even question it. Saying, “I’m not a rapist,” is such a weird choice that I’d immediately be on edge.
Each of those women whose method of self defense is to be tense and walk faster has made the conscious decision not to carry a weapon for her own safety “because she shouldn’t have to”.
Instead of them taking practical steps, they are asking you to reroute around them. To literally bend your day, every day, around their needs so that they don’t have to take any practical steps for their own safety.
You are not forcing those feelings on them. They are taking them on as a form of protest against the nature of reality itself. Women refusing to carry weapons and make themselves safe is like a prisoner on hunger strike against their conditions.
We all dream of a society where women don’t have to be afraid. But if you, a 100% harmless man simply walking to work and giving zero signals of violence, are enough to make them “have to be afraid”, can we really achieve a society where women are unafraid?
It’s a question worth asking. How much effort are you willing to put in for someone who will not help herself?
As soon as I encountered street violence for the first time, I developed the fear. I then solved the fear by starting to carry a weapon. I don’t require all men bigger than me (who can hurt me just like they can hurt a woman, and who are statistically far more likely to to hurt me than they are to hurt a woman) to alter their routes so they never walk behind me. I don’t cower in fear at home either. I didn’t have either of those options in the situation where I developed the fear — living on the streets of Boston. Instead, I got a weapon. It’s my companion. It’s my tool for being safe. It’s my self-regulated solution to the problem of danger.
Women refuse this solution. I have little sympathy for that attitude. Ever since I developed the fear myself, and moved to the obvious solution, I regard women’s fear of me as their own problem. I have a life to live here. I’m not going to add fifteen minutes of walking to my day just so they can feel safer for two minutes without having to lift a finger for it.
So, we should generalize entire groups of people to teach them a lesson. No matter their feelings or the fact that the majority of people in said group are just living their lives. A bunch of bad apples should make and entire group socially responsible.
Got it. 👍
Yes there are too many men who think they live in the 50s and can do whatever they want to woman. If you say ALL men are like that, you’re invalidating the effort of most men trying to be better human beings while being assholes.
If you can’t understand that. You are not looking to make things better, just to throw hate around.
Something about would you feel safer being stalked by a creepy dude or being stalked by a bear in the woods. Both could equally kill you, just one is more likely than the other to actually kill you.
Close, but it’s just “would you rather” with any random man in the woods vs a random bear. No implied creepiness on the man’s part. Just who would you feel more safe knowing one of the two is in the woods.
The bear meme is meant to make men uncomfortable and surprised by how they are seen as a generalization among women. It isn’t meant to be anti-men or anything, it’s just meant to show the lived experience of women to men in a hypothetical absurdity.
What part is sexist? There can be no equality if uncomfortable realities are brushed aside, illuminating the very real lived experience that women are constantly wary of the average man allows us to confront said issue. Telling women that they are “wrong” and just need to feel different about the issue just perpetuates this distrust.
The part where there’s 3.8 billion men on the planet, and although the stats are hard to put together, lots of contradictions, they point to less than 1% of them being incarcerated (for all crime not just crime against women) even vastly exaggerating that to 5% (to account for men not being caught etc) leaves 95% of the general male population being decent and no threat. Blaming men, when men aren’t the issue is sexist. Blaming religion, poor education etc would be less sexist and aimed more towards what the actual issue is and help work towards a cure, man Vs bear does nothing but divide and spread fear. Stats show that black people perform a higher amount of crime than other races, does this mean we should be racist? Does this mean you’d pick a random bear over a random black person? I don’t think it does, because it’s not the colour of their skin, nor is it the apparatus between some bodies legs that defines them. Blaming the wrong thing is sexist, or racist in both these cases. I’m not saying women aren’t walking around terrified, but a lot of that has to do with polar discussion that doesn’t help like man Vs bear telling them they should live in fear and does nothing to help the actual problems. And if you don’t believe that to be true you are part of a much bigger problem humanity is facing, misinformation and fear mongering.
This is just an elaborate “not all men,” and just shuts women up.
You said it yourself accurately, women are walking around terrified. The average woman heavily distrusts the average man. This isn’t a call to demonize men, but to showcase that collective distrust so we can move beyond it.
What good does it do unless we look at the causes. All this does is divide people. Why is that the right thing to do? We should be joining together to extinguish toxic masculinity, stamp out religion and improve education. Not radicalising toxic femanisity
Again, you’re missing the forest for the trees. The fact is, many men think that equality has already been achieved, despite systemic power imbalances.
Radical feminism is a good thing, “toxic feminisity” is largely a strawman myth.
I think you’re missing the point entirely. The man Vs bear argument serves no purpose but to divide. And when people fight with emotion, exactly what you’re doing, women lose the right to abortions, to vote. There’s no logic behind these decisions, they are fueled only by the emotions of closed minded people. Adding to the fire helps nobody and in fact takes things a step backwards. Misinformation and fear mongering isn’t the way to solve this issue. Alienating the 95% of decent men that want the same thing as women won’t help the cause. You’re blaming the wrong group of people with polar blanket statements like man Vs bear
You are rejecting the purpose, which is to force men to acknowledge the fear the average woman has for the average man. The purpose isn’t to divide, that’s stupid and a strawman.
I am not “fighting with emotion,” I am telling you in no uncertain terms that the average woman distrusts the average man due to systemic power imbalances.
Pretending everyone is just using “misinformation and fearmongering” is reactionary nonsense that should not be taken seriously by anyone trying to fix these issues. Men are working actively against women even without knowingly trying to by supporting a patriarchial system without criticizing it.
You are going one step further, and actively trying to shut down the voice of women.
“NOT ALL MEN!” Screams the men who think themselves decent for simply not assaulting women, rather than doing the bare minimum and listening and supporting women.
Fine don’t blame the things responsible…this isn’t an argument I can win when you’re attacking with emotion and ignoring anything factual. Men aren’t working against women, the vast majority want the same thing. You are misinformed, because you’re basing your evidence solely on emotion and teaching people they should hate men, rather than work together to fix the issues which time and time again I have explained isn’t men, but systems put in place by things like religion and poor education. You’re making enemies where there are allies because you will not listen to reason. But you go on hating and blaming men, see if it solves your issues or if you actually only aid in retaliation and lose more rights.
There are 3.8 billion men on the planet. A tiny % of them (less than 1%) want to harm women. Miniscule in fact, the vast majority want women to have all the rights they have, me included. You don’t know what the average woman wants any more than I do. I know loads of women none of them afraid of men, some are even married to men. They don’t go about their days in fear you are just telling me they are and I should accept that because that’s how you feel, because you feel it doesn’t make it true. I also know loads of men and none of them have any hatred towards women they are in fact allies. Yes historically men have had more power and it is still very much the case, we need to work together to change this, denying that change hasn’t or isn’t happening is fear mongering when in fact everyday battles are won in the fight for women’s rights. Statistically and logically you are wrong, so the only thing you have is emotions, that’s why I am telling you that you are attacking with emotions.
You can’t even acknowledge that I’m on your side, this is the right discussion to be having, you just need to aim your hatred at the right people. The politicians that want to take away rights, the religious fanatics who quote bible verses like women shouldn’t speak unless spoken to, the toxic masculinity that makes fathers teach their sons the wrong life lessons. We need to work together not blame men for something that the majority of men want to fix as much as you do.
Wow, lots of anecdotes, and yet most women are picking the bear. I never said all women fear all men, but that the average woman fears the average man. Pretty huge distinction!
Secondly, there’s a massive difference between simply wanting equal rights, and being willing to tackle highly imbalanced social power structures.
I am not blaming men. I am blaming the partiarchial system, and hoping fellow men can also correctly point the blame at systemic issues, rather than telling women to shut the fuck up and explaining to them what they should be fighting.
You aren’t an ally yet, because you are dedicated to silencing women. Sit back, listen, and then support. Easy as that. Yes, religion and conservativism are also bad, but those are also products of systemic issues. You say we need to look at the cause, yet you’re contributing to it by invalidating the lived experience of women.
Basically, I’m telling you to touch grass and stop contributing to the reasons why the average woman is picking the bear.
I never once tried to silence you, I’m actually enjoying our discussion very much and think it’s a very important one to have. All I’m trying to say is you’re not alone in what you are fighting for and there are many many men on your side statistics back this up. But when you pick the bear you are actively working against the men trying to help. By not acknowledging the majority of men are on your side you are causing division, you are making things worse for yourself by not accepting we are trying to change things for the better for everyone.
Basically telling you to touch grass and stop contributing to the fire that’s taking women’s rights away by blaming the issue on the wrong thing. You are teaching young women they should be afraid of men, when statistics and reality say the opposite is true and we should be all working together for a common goal.
You are trying to silence me though, telling me I can only sit down and listen to obvious sexism. When what people should do when they experience sexism is speaking up and speak loud.
I am going to restate my thesis, perhaps wording it in an alternative manner may help you: most men do not intentionally side against women. That is why the bear discourse has been so polarizing and shocking for men like yourself. You believe yourself to be supportive of women, but as you aren’t actually listening to the many women picking the bear, you serve to silence them.
When society changes, fragments of past society remain. Just because there are few if any legal limits on women in developed countries does not mean that they hold equal societal power. Few women are CEOs or world leaders.
The path to the liberation of women cannot be done via simply making men and women equal under the law. This ignores the entirety of patriarchial history and results in power remaining in the hands of men.
That is the crux of the issue you are silencing by silencing women. Telling women that they are stupid for fearing men, who hold far more societal power than they do, is in fact sexist of you, even if unintentional. I am not teaching women anything, the Bear Discourse has purely been an opportunity for me to listen to women.
Honestly you are coming across very aggressively, very toxic and seem unwilling to listen to any of the facts. so I’m going to end my part in this discussion, you can live in your fantasy world where change isn’t happening. In my world we’ve had women running the country multiple times. They appear and excel in every career, and it’s very easy to see things are happening, I’ll admit slower than I’d like, but they definitely are. Just the other day women won the right to go topless on beaches in Belgium, another win in the fight against sexism. I feel you’re just a stubborn argumentative person, so any mention of facts or any calls to reality fall on deaf ears.
What facts have you presented, and why is your response to women telling you they feel unsafe alone around the average man “shut the fuck up, they are on your side, actually” and not “wow, that’s horrible, I wonder why that is?”
I never once said my response is shut the fuck up. Stop putting words in my mouth. My response was, wow that’s terrible I wonder what caused that, is it religion, politics should we be fighting that instead. The facts were it’s only a very low percentage of men lower than 1% That every day battles are won in the fight against equality That we’ve had women in power in my country and all over the world That the majority of women I know do not fear men That things are moving in the right direction (albeit slowly)
I get that, and you’re right. But a lot of people are taking the meme too far, and taking something that was originally good, and making it it anti-men. Men’s feelings actually matter, and we as society need to start actually thinking about them, rather than just telling them to man up all the time.
I’ve talked to a whole bunch of anti-bear men, and all of them accept the point when told in an empathetic way that acknowledges their right to feel the way they do. You can take that feeling and channel it as a force for good, rather them antagonising them and pushing them further away
(Not saying you in particular are doing this)
Edit: Please respond instead of downvoting. I’m failing to see the problem with identifying that there’s a enough antagonistic commenters that maybe it’s pushing people in the wrong direction. And we now require an over-correction of empathy to undo that damage.
You’re being reductionist to the point of losing the actual point but, if we assume you’re doing so in good faith, then yes. Without a doubt yes. Given a choice between a person’s feelings being hurt and a person getting physically hurt, the latter should win, especially when the only reason those feelings are hurt is because the person refuses to try to understand why or is so fragile they’re unable to handle criticism.
Most men I know aren’t made uncomfortable by this and, so far, the only ones who do have their feelings hurt are absolutely the ones women should choose the bear over. Not because they’re bad people, but because an important point is being made and instead of trying to understand, they dig their heels in, refuse to understand, and now gripe about being victims because people are talking about things they don’t want to think about.
I’m being far more universal than the obsession this narrow cisgender thread promotes. It was an issue with the pandemic. It is an issue with abortion rights. It is an issue with elections. It is an issue with so many things, that you would have to want to be willfully ignorant to focus on any single one. Your problem is humanity and their obsession to sacrifice people’s safety for their feelings. People who put their feelings over your safety are the ones who should be avoided. No need to bring pandas into it.
All the angry men here complaining about this meme are coping, face it men are seen as evil and dangerous by women, and they are right to see you that way. I was once like the people here talking shit about “misandry” and then my egg cracked and those angry masculine mannerisms melted away after I went on estrogen. It was then that I realized men are evil, masculinity is toxic, these are statements of truth and the only ones who deny this shit are cis men themselves.
You’re correct, but you’re every bit as angry as they are, and your comment is so devoid of any respect or empathy for men as fellow human beings that you’re only making things worse for everyone.
You are the ammo that anti-sjw grifters put in their guns.
Like it or not, men are 50% of the population, and no one is getting anywhere by needlessly antagonising them
Not only are they 50% of the population that’s circa 3.8 billion men, the stats are hard to find accurately but less than 1% of them are incarcerated for crime (all crime not just sexual assault) even if you were to drastically enhance that to say 5% (to account for men that have never been caught etc.) that still leaves 95% decent men in the world. The men Vs bear thing is a bullshit hypothetical designed only to divide and not address the real issue women are facing, from religion (especially in politics), poor education and internet fear mongering such as the men Vs bear topic designed to make people live their lives in fear instead of correcting the issues.
I’m not trying to say women don’t live in fear, just that sexism isn’t the way to fight sexism. It’s pretty common knowledge that black people have the highest statistics for crime in general (without going into further discussion) does this mean we should all become racist? Because I certainly don’t think that’s the answer, just like topics designed around sexism aren’t the answer here.
It’s not that it makes me uncomfortable, but more misinformation and exaggerated statements is one of the biggest threats currently facing humanity, man Vs bear does nothing but add to this.
Yes there is a problem, yes it needs addressing, discussions like this are far from helpful and only alienate half the allies.
The whole discussion is entirely feelings based, as despite the percentage men actually committing being really low (as far as our stats can tell) it doesn’t really matter that much.
Same with the bear, actual bear attacks are so statistically unlikely to occur that it’s irrelevant to the discussion, even if we had the required stats to make it a 1 to 1.
Assuming only 1% of men do something (illegal or otherwise) that makes a woman feel afraid, that 1% can do that to multiple women. If they do it to 100 different women, that’s enough that 100% of women have experienced it.
Negative experiences stick in our mind a lot more readily than good ones, and it creates the perception that a chosen random man could be more dangerous than a bear.
And I’m not saying they’re wrong, my take away is still that enough men are shit, and we as a society need to do better.
Equally, using shock value and absurd hypotheticals is going to cause emotional reactions in men, and sure, that gets the message out. But we can’t act surprised and start demonising men when they act shocked and disagree with the absurd hypothetical. It’s valid to feel hurt by the statement, and telling people their feelings don’t matter distracts from the issue
The discussion is the right one, but we all need to start blaming the right people. Toxic masculinity, religion and poor education. Dividing people like this isn’t the way forward.
Fellas, it’s not that your feelings don’t matter, everyone’s feelings matter, it’s that your feelings don’t matter more than the safety of others.
You’re getting mad at the wrong shit here. You’re mad at the women for not wanting to be stuck in a forest with a random dude, when in all actual fact, that decision was borne from a plethora of experience with random dudes, most of that experience being negative.
Almost all of that negativity is because there’s to fucking many creepy ass dudes making us all look bad. To be blunt, I have high hopes, and expectations from my fellow man; especially when it comes to respecting women. Yes, there’s a nontrivial number of crazy bitches out there, in the same breath, there’s a lot of crazy dudes too. They’re making us all look bad. Be mad at them.
The women are only making the best decision for their own health and safety, based on their experience. Be the change you want to see in the world, my brothers. Be that change.
I'm extremely happy sharing my testimony, Dr. Excellent helped me change my husband’s heart to love and want me again. I was heart broken when my husband left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. I have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a Relationship Coach that directed me to Dr. Excellent a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 11hours. Me and my husband are living happily together again, This man is powerful, Contact Dr. Excellent for any kind of spiritual problems or any kind of spell or relationship problems he is capable of making things right for you with no side effect., Here his contact. WhatsApp him at: +2348084273514 "Or email him at: Excellentspellcaster@gmail.com , His website:https://lovespellonline.godaddysites.com
I'm extremely happy sharing my testimony, Dr. Excellent helped me change my husband’s heart to love and want me again. I was heart broken when my husband left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because I was really in love with my husband. I have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a Relationship Coach that directed me to Dr. Excellent a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 11hours. Me and my husband are living happily together again, This man is powerful, Contact Dr. Excellent for any kind of spiritual problems or any kind of spell or relationship problems he is capable of making things right for you with no side effect., Here his contact. WhatsApp him at: +2348084273514 "Or email him at: Excellentspellcaster@gmail.com , His website:https://lovespellonline.godaddysites.com
Add comment