I'm sitting in the dark, with the window blinds closed, because I feel like I just need it that way right now for no discernable reason. This is probably what my therapist means by nervous system regulation and emotional regulation. 🤔
I really like sensory deprivation—sometimes even more than others.
I really want to make a career in the #InfoSec field. Security is my passion. I haven't yet decided which role I'd like to get involved in. All I know so far is that Malware Analysis isn't for me. I'm interested to hear from folks in the field who are #ActuallyAutistic, have #ADHD, or both. What roles have been a good fit for you? I'm guessing that Incident Response would be far too high stress, but I could be wrong about that. Boosts appreciated. #NeuroDiverseSquad#AuDhd#AskingAutistics
I just made a phone call.
It was regarding something relatively straightforward and simple to sort out and I was on the phone for 37 minutes. Most of that was on hold.
As soon as it ended I burst into tears.
I am exhausted. My neck and back are agony from the tension. I’ve got a headache and I feel sick.
It took about 30 minutes to stop shaking.
I wrote my speech but they interrupted, trying to get me to do security questions first.
I really wish there was a way to never have to make phone calls.
I do everything I possibly can via email and online. If it has to be a call usually I get D to make them for me, but if there’s any security questions needed they insist I’m on the phone, even when they have no way of knowing if it’s me by my voice.
I really hate having to rely on him and it makes it even harder if they’re only available during working hours.
Forecast says it'll rain today and cloudy with showers tomorrow. Maybe sunshine returns on Thursday. I could use good days of sunshine. Yesterday there was some semi-sunshine getting through thin clouds but not the sunshine I need.
Ginza is such a good sleeping buddy. I love hearing her sometimes making sighing noises in the night because of how comfy she feels.
Many times #ActuallyAutistic people are diagnosed as having alexithymia, an inability to recognize and/or describe the emotions they are feeling. Its Greek roots mean "without words for feelings."
It seems complex to me, an autistic who has an oversized vocabulary in some part due to the fact I was a hyperlexic child who learned to read before kindergarten and the fact I have a great love and curiosity for language, for languages, for words. I have plenty of words. I have feelings.
I also have a strong desire to be careful with my words, to find ones that seem best, though even then later thinking may lead me to wanting to revise them. Of course that's when allistics might suggest I'm simply overthinking things. But is that true? Or is it that they are underthinking things? Why don't they spend more time examining their feelings?
Of course another issue which has made alexithymia part of my life is how much of my life I would be told that I wasn't
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Anyone ever tell you that you were being "too negative" or a "Debby downer" when stating facts about something? Just happened to me earlier with my family. In this case it was reasons why I prefer not to travel often (routine change haha). The whole time I was thinking, "but I'm not trying to be negative..."
My bf and I have literally nothing and I'm worried on top of financial insecurity, we really need help in general with basic needs on top of trying to pay for my Visa.
Well-meaning able-bodied neurotypical "helpers" firing off rapid-fire questions at me like "do you want this? How about this? Or this? Just tell us what you need" but not giving my neurospicy brain space to react, till I have to interrupt crying "please STOP!! so I can even think enough to form words, let alone figure out what I need-- and wait I didn't tell you to do THAT, give me a moment PLEASE!"
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 212 , Monday 27/05/2024
Up really early today (05:30) which is ironic because it’s a public holiday & I should have had a lie in.
Hey ho.
Bit of banter on Mastodon - congrats to @dgar for a very respectable 3rd place in #FediVision24 btw !
Binge watched ‘Traces’ series 2 - not a bad series !
Final Thoughts.
I was in quite a dark place this morning & wrote a whole thing on things that triggered me, but I’ve mellowed out during the day.
The upshot of this is that I have gone from epically insightful final thoughts to this ! 🙄🤦♂️ 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
There’s a new show on CBC featuring an undiagnosed woman autistic called Dinosaur.
I am hopeful.
Anyone watched it yet or want to watch it with me? #actuallyautistic
I didn't go to my uni graduation. I didn't see the point. I particularly didn't see the point in spending what amounted to half a day's pay on minimum wage to hire a hat & gown for the day.
Now I'm wondering if part of it was the #ActuallyAutistic urge to not be perceived? I dunno. I have no problem being on stage, or public speaking if I have a script. But the whole marching across stage, recieving some paper, shaking hands, being ME, all while being watched and photographed?
Hello @actuallyautistic friends! Thank you everyone who contributed to my meltdown article. My next article is about autistic shutdowns: what they look like, how we manage them, and affirming ways our loved ones can support us. You can comment and please include how I should refer to you in the article. You can also drop them on my contact form (resiliencymentalhealth.com/contact/) if you want to share but prefer not to post it on the internet connected to your account. #ActuallyAutistic
What are your thoughts on self-diagnosis being belittled by many in the autistic community?
For clarity, I’m not asking to start a debate, just a genuine discussion. I currently don’t have the option to get a diagnosis, but feel fairly confident that the research I’ve done over the past year and a half has been legitimate and credible.
I don’t feel comfortable saying that I am definitively autistic, but I am ok with saying I’m “self-suspecting.” #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic
I’m all in favor of self-diagnosis. I was purely self-diagnosed for a long time, and worked myself into verbal contortions to relate to it.
Now I have a diagnosis. But not really. I never did the full neuropsych eval thing. My autistic-specialized psychologist merely said “yeah. Uh huh. Oh, yeah, you’re autistic!” And that’s plenty good enough for me.
I think I speak for the majority of people here in saying welcome to the #ActuallyAutistic community!
@felyashono@actuallyautistic Well thank you! I am also in favor of self-diagnosis, but some communities out there are unashamedly hostile to it (looking at you, Reddit) and it has made me have self-doubt. But I am glad to know the background of the #actuallyautistic hashtag…and that I’m not alone in feeling the way I feel 🙂.
I had a few friends suggest that I take some of the tests available online. Embrace Autism is a good source if you care to do so. I took the AQ, RAADS-R, CAT-Q, and Aspie Quiz. I scored high for #ActuallyAutistic traits on all of those tests.
In parallel I do read A Tall History of Sugar [2019] by Curdella Forbes that takes place in rural #Jamaica and starts in the late 1950ies. Seems very promising, being already on page 47! #bookstodon@bookstodon
@bookstodon Very strange reading a book with two main characters that both are so heavily coded as #actuallyautistic, but I don't think this was done on purpose...