rebekka_m

LehtoriTuomo, 15 days ago to actuallyautistic

I've been trying to understand what it means that an autistic brain is bombarded with so much information. We spent some time at our summer cottage and I think I got some insight in this.

Instead of seeing the lake in front of my eyes, everywhere I looked I saw a detail. Its size would vary but it would still be a detail. A swan there, its partner there, no leaves on that tree yet, what a cool pattern on the small waves, what does it look like when I move my eyes this way, or that way, a car on the opposite shore, the shadow of the tree, I wonder what seagulls those are etc. A new detail with every single glance.

At the same time my attention tried to keep track of the dog and listened to birds singing and bumblebees flying around.

Now I wonder what it feels like just to see the lake.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

cloudpiep, 15 days ago to sewing German

Made a #memoryquilt for my Mum out of six flannel shirts of my recently deceased Dad.
The backing is a fluffy blanket, the binding made of two of his dress shirts.
My dad was a sewist too, he would be so proud.
@sewing

Detail of the binding, where both fabrics are joined.
Detail of the quilttop, in one block I used a piece with the breast pocket.

rebekka_m, 15 days ago to random German

Ein Bekannter ist zur Zeit in Ausbildung zum #Allgemeinmediziner und sucht einen #Job als #MFA oder #Arzthelfer in oder bei #Hannover. Falls du etwas weißt/eine Stelle anzubieten hast oder du wen kennst, der oder die etwas wissen könnte, schreib mir einfach. :) Danke <3!

... und ansonsten gilt wie immer: Boost tut gut!

kkffoo, 16 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I have managed to get involved in a community for a particular game and not been asked to be a moderator in the social space, this is quite an achievement for my developing unmasked genuine grumpiness :)

katzenjens, 16 days ago to animals German

Moin. Während ich dusche, betreibt Lissy Pediküre. #CatsOfMastodon #fedicats #cats

sundogplanets, 17 days ago to random

No new baby goats this morning (just the 4 from the last few days). The mama who's been gigantic for the last month is due today, so hopefully she'll have lots of healthy babies! I predict 4 (and I predict she'll have them at the most obnoxious time...I have lots of meetings today, but I have even more meetings tomorrow that are way less flexible, so today would be great!)

theaardvark, 18 days ago to Autism

#Autism #ADHD #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic
How does everyone know how, when and how much they're masking?
As a late-diagnosed #AuDHD, I struggle to differentiate between "me but masking" and "me but in a diff situation".
Now that I know I'm autistic, I even miss the person I used to be in some situations before I knew.
I used to call myself a "social chameleon" - I just changed automatically to suit the circumstances.
But who actually am I and what is just a mask?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

rebekka_m, 19 days ago to actuallyadhd

A very interesting concept which explains a lot for me [and about members of more distant family members].

Creating Autistic Suffering: The AuDHD Burnout to Psychosis Cycle - A deeper look

https://emergentdivergence.com/2023/06/05/creating-autistic-suffering-the-audhd-burnout-to-psychosis-cycle-a-deeper-look/
@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

rebekka_m, 20 days ago to actuallyautistic

Thanks to the universe I'm such a high masking autistic that I can sprinkle the world with info about The 'Tism and am still being looked at suspiciously, even if it's friendly suspicion. That's ableism, I shall say.

I'm exhausted after such conversations with almost strangers [e.g. very recently the hearing aid acoustician [almost surely ADHDer] I got my tailored noise filter from] but will continue to do so - cause unicorns need exposure to be able to recognize each other. @actuallyautistic

rebekka_m, 23 days ago to actuallyautistic

I don't remember who in the @actuallyautistic recommended the comedienne Fern Brady @pathfinder?] but I've watched some vids on YT with her since and just discovered she has a complete NETFLIX SPECIAL out! <3 Autistic Bikini Queen [2024], I just watched it and it is great.

lifewithtrees, 1 month ago to ADHD

Learned a new word for a thing I do.

What do you think of it @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd ?

AGNOSTHESIA

n. the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your own behavior, as if you were some other person — noticing a twist of acid in your voice, an obscene amount of effort you put into something trifling, or an inexplicable weight on your shoulders that makes it difficult to get out of bed.

#adhd #neurodivergent #audhd

pathfinder, 1 month ago to Autism

@actuallyautistic

I once wrote about how it was not unrealistic, to think that there was no such thing as an un-traumatised autistic. About how so many of us have known bullying and persecution simply for being different. Not even always for what we may have said or done, but often for simply standing out; in all the ways that we didn't even know we were. How just simply being, was so often an excuse to be attacked or punished. That our very existence, even as hard as we tried to mask, whether we knew that was what we were doing or not, was the cause of so much pain.

All the scars we carry from misreading situations. Or from believing in something, or someone, and being burnt as a consequence. All the times we've tried to stand up for ourselves, or as often as not for others, and been dismissed and ridiculed. All the misjudgements and disbelieve and times when our intent and purpose have been seen in the ways that were never, ever, meant. The sheer inability for others to see us as we are, or to judge us accordingly. But, always to seem to want to see the worst and to base everything else on that.

But the more I learn and understand about being autistic. The more I realise that so much of my trauma and the scars that were left, came not just from this overt pain, but from the covert well-meaning of others as well. From my parents and relatives, from friends and teachers. From all the advice and instruction I have received over the years that was meant to shape me in the right way. As a child, to teach me how to grow up, how to behave and act. What was expected and what wasn't. And then, as an adult, how I was supposed to be and how a successful life, with me in it, was supposed to look. All the rules I was supposed to learn, all the codes I was supposed to follow. How to act, how to speak, what to feel, when to feel it. What I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to be.

Not in any unusual way. Not in any way that you weren't supposed to raise a child, well a normal child anyway. That's what makes this so covert. If you were trying to do this to a child knowing that they were autistic, then it's overt abuse. It is ABA, it is infantilising and punishing a child for always failing to become something, that they had no more chance of becoming than a cat has of becoming a dog. But for those of us who didn't know we were autistic. It was simply the constant hammering of the world trying, without even realising it, to fit a round peg into a square hole and all the pain and disappointment that came from their failure to come even close.

For me, what made this worse, was that it wasn't as if I didn't know that I was different, not in my heart, but that I thought that I shouldn't be. That I should be able to learn what I was being taught, that I should be able to follow the guidance. That I wasn't any different really from anyone else and so if I failed to act in the right way, or react the way I should, for that matter, then it was my fault. All the patient sighs and familiar looks, simply became just another reinforcement of my failure. Even being told off for the simplest things, became a reminder that something that I should have been able to do, was beyond me and always for the only reason that ever made any sense; that I was broken, that it was my fault somehow.

Is it any wonder that so much of my life has been about trying to justify myself in the light of this, of trying to become that "good dog". Of judging myself against an impossible standard. A constant lurching from one bad to choice to another, and always because I thought they were the right ones. And for each new failure and inability to even come close, another scar, another reminder of what I wasn't. Further proof that my self-esteem was right to be so low. Of how I was such a failure and a bad person. That I was never going to be a proper son or brother or friend. Because I couldn't even be what I was supposed to be, let alone what I should become.

Looking back, I can't help thinking about how much of my life I spent living this way; of trying not to repeat the sins of my past. Of not repeating the actions or behaviour that led to those past failures and trauma. Of, in fact, all the effort I put in to not being myself. Because that, I realise now, was what I was trying to do. I was that round peg and trying to hammer myself into the square hole. Because everything I had learnt had taught me to think that this was how I had to be. That this was how you grew. And in so many ways, I can't help feeling angry about this. About the wasted years, about the scars I carry that were never my fault. About the way I was brought up, even though none of it was ever meant, but only ever well-meant.

#Autism
#Actuallyautistic

rebekka_m, 1 month ago to random German

Meh. Ab morgen gibt es wieder jede [!] Woche #Solawi-Gemüse und wir sind aktuell beide nicht in der Verfassung, das zu verarbeiten und zu verbrauchen. Das neue Gartenjahr hat jetzt gerade wieder begonnen, raus können wir also erstmal nicht - hast du vielleicht Bock, uns einen oder sogar zwei Anteile top Bio-Gemüse in #Hannover [es gibt viele verschiedene Depots in fast allen Stadtteilen] abzunehmen? Das ist unsere Solawi: https://solawi-hannover.de

Gerne boosten!

mraharrison, 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Hi all #ActuallyAutistic adults over 40, who were late diagnosed like me to share experiences. What's the best thing you did once you knew?

eclectech, 1 month ago to photography

Good thing: There was a gap in the rain so I could get outside for half an hour.

Bad thing: The gap in the rain was only 20 minutes.

Good thing: Found this!

(good things win - hurrah)

#sillyScribbles #photography #cute #silly #drawing

rebekka_m, 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Written by Zack Budryk:
"[...] fictional representations of autistic women remain rare. Three recent examples in the mystery genre are helping to make up this gender gap and illustrating the range of the spectrum with very different but equally unforgettable female protagonists. In these stories, crucially, autism isn’t a superpower but a part of the protagonist’s personality that can frustrate her efforts as often as it can help point her to the truth."
@actuallyautistic
https://www.washingtonpost.com/books/2024/04/01/autistic-women-mystery-fiction

rebekka_m, 1 month ago to ADHD

Paper on shared heritage of #ADHD and #ASD. Since we recently discussed this I think you @actuallyautistic and @actuallyadhd might be interested too - haven't read it yet, got it via @sensorystoriesbynicole, a very great account on #AuDHD and other ND stuff on Instagram btw

hosford42, 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Requirements to put in a job description to discourage or filter out autistic people:

• Comfortable with ambiguity
• Strong people skills
• Good culture fit
• Multitasking
• A fast-paced dynamic environment
• Bachelor's degree or better

I see these things and think you don't want my >30 years of programming and machine learning experience, or my problem-solving skills and comprehensive knowledge that had people mistaking me for one of the team's PhDs, or my solutions that have proven patent-worthy. Your loss.

#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic
@neurodivergence

Averixus, 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

I've never related to the analogy of having no filter. It only works if communication is like a torrent of innermost thoughts that are constantly being stopped lest they spurt out.

I don't have to work to not communicate, I have to work to communicate. Everything I ever say is painstakingly assembled and forced out, the idea of being able to do that so easily that I could actually say something by accident is completely alien.

Is it just me?

#actuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

rebekka_m, 2 months ago to ADHD

Hypothesis to be discussed with the @actuallyautistic:

The high prevalence of #ADHD in Autistics might be just the symptoms of an overstimulated life, misunderstood communications and lots of trauma that led to cPTSD.

Would also explain why ADHD meds very often don't work for Autistics - but certain antidepressants do.

What do you think?