Jake_Vig

Jake_Vig, 5 months ago to random

I was using Twitter only to share invite codes or encourage exodus.

I deactivated once and for all since they reinstated Alex Jones. I did save my archive.

I accept no further excuses from myself or anyone else for using that platform.

+60k followers built since 2011. And quite easy to walk away.

Jake_Vig, 8 months ago to random

checks calendar
presses intercom button

"Release the pumpkin spice."

swivels chair to stare out window
steeples fingers

Jake_Vig, 8 months ago to random

You're telling me a gorilla made this glue

Jake_Vig, 9 months ago to random

Sure, it's fun to sing about and all that, but it would be an absolute traffic nightmare if it really was raining men.

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

This apocalypse is taking FOREVER

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

SPOILER WARNING

Biggest surprises in "Oppenheimer":

• the orgy scene

• when Oppenheimer looks in the camera and says "It's the bomb!" several times in a blatant attempt to create a catch-phrase

• the rap battle finale between Eminem and Oppenheimer

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

Before you give up, remember:

You really should've given up a very long time ago.

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

The orcas are quiet.

Too quiet...

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

Settle a bet:

On which date do you bring up your necromancer abilities? I say third, my buddy says fifth.

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

I enjoy hugging people again, mostly because I always lean in and whisper "I know it was you."

Jake_Vig, 10 months ago to random

Remember Twitter?

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

Life is learning to cope with being one “punch” on your loyalty away from a free frozen yogurt, when the frozen yogurt place suddenly closes forever.

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

Hey people who actually do things, settle down.

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

How I left Twitter

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

I slept with my feet left exposed by the covers, and the monsters did not eat them.

The system is broken.

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

THEM: How have you been?

ME: Pretty good, not bad. Trapped in a prison of my own making. Struggling with demons from my past. Feeling the weight of the world. Questioning every decision. Obsessing over things I cannot control. Losing sleep. You know, same old same old. You?

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

I’d settle for outer peace at this point.

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

Between checking myself and then also wrecking myself, I keep pretty busy.

Jake_Vig, 11 months ago to random

I love this new diet. A sensible breakfast. A sensible lunch. A sensible dinner. And up to 30 sensible snacks until you fall asleep.

Jake_Vig, 1 year ago to random

In the United States, we have complete separation of church and state, only we don't at all and you better comply with the church or else.

Jake_Vig, 1 year ago to random

The only certainty in this mixed up wacky life is that series finales will confirm that you should have spent your time doing something else.

Jake_Vig, 1 year ago to random

Do you remember when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand?

That was when I left you because I fear intimacy.

Jake_Vig, 1 year ago to random

If anyone asks, I was with you guys last night.

Jake_Vig, 1 year ago to random

Survival Tip:

If attacked by a shark, look behind it and say “Who’s that?” When the shark stops attacking you and turns around to see who’s behind them, swim to safety.

Jake_Vig, 1 year ago to random

I just want one day where I’m whelmed to an acceptable degree. Not over or under.