batkaren

batkaren, 4 days ago to random

It’s fun how nothing means anything anymore.

batkaren, 7 days ago to random

I was super excited to watch this Rick Astley video people keep sending me, but the link always turns out to be a bait-and-switch timeshare presentation.

batkaren, 10 days ago to random

Star Trek taught me that nobody watches movies or tv in the future. One might occasionally read a book, but it better be an old Earth classic (no later than 19th century) or some random made-up future alien shit.

batkaren, 11 days ago to random

They’re calling you home, The New Yorker.

batkaren, 14 days ago to random

I once rented a place on the ground-floor of a former multi-level house converted into apartments. The kitchen had a staircase that dead-ended at a renovation-added ceiling.

I would walk as far up as possible and sit there.

I miss those stairs to nowhere.

batkaren, 17 days ago to random

Shout out to witches who fly by their own means, free from misogynistic trappings of housework as transports.

Oh and fuck the dude who came up with that concept.

batkaren, 18 days ago to random

lotta folks out there missing the point

batkaren, 19 days ago to random

I’m just gonna assume this one’s a pass from you, The New Yorker.

batkaren, 19 days ago to random

“Pawn to queen 4,” I slur drunkenly.

My opponent looks to her associate. “Jeff?”

“Just give her the Big Mac combo meal,” he says. “Hey, Karen.”

I nod and vurp. “Jeff.”

batkaren, 19 days ago to random

It’s come to my attention many of you are taking liberties when grinding your enemies’ bones to powder.

Granite mortar and pestle, or kindly get the shitting fuck out of my clubhouse.

batkaren, 20 days ago to random

My boy Baker just took Best Ears at a street fair for dogs!

batkaren, 21 days ago to random

“The face of god will remain unknowable as long as the yoke of human indifference drags us down!” I proclaim, crapping my pants in this Walmart patio furniture aisle.

batkaren, 22 days ago to random

Saw a survey asking, "Where do you stand regarding current events?" and immediately thought, "Oh, I definitely oppose them."

batkaren, 22 days ago to random

Giving directions like “when the wind blows northeasterly, you’ll come to an old mansion with a crone sitting on the porch—turn the angle her nose points, then continue until a frog hits you in the face. I’ll be the one throwing the frog.”

batkaren, 23 days ago to random

Getting some grumbling acquiescence and annoyed tones for asking the medical staff in this tiny room to please mask because I’m high-risk for complications from Covid.

batkaren, 24 days ago to random

Beavis and Butthead would be in their 40s now

batkaren, 24 days ago to random

Have we considered just winging shit without a president for a bit? See how it goes.

batkaren, 25 days ago to random

If my AI chatbot voice has to be coded female, I demand a 90-year-old chain-smoker.

batkaren, 26 days ago to random

Beaten and bloodied, the Other and I circle one another, each insisting on simulacrum status, both refusing the Prime's culpability.

batkaren, 28 days ago to random

There’s no such thing as “bad luck” when you break a mirror.

You’re merely experiencing the terrified energy leaking off inter-dimensional creatures loosed through the glass-crack barriers as they lash out blindly, frantic to return home.

batkaren, 29 days ago to random

The sun, heart-achingly in love with its children, blows a kiss towards Earth.

The coronal mass ejection flings magnetic plasma into the solar wind, dismantling the electrical grid and communications infrastructure across the globe.

batkaren, 30 days ago to random

Garfield looks up from the casserole dish. “Is this moussaka?”

“Yes,” Jon says.

Garfield breathes out, then asks in a low voice, “Has anything I’ve ever said suggested I want fucking EGGPLANT in my lasagna?”

“N-no.” Jon winces.

Odie barks obliviously in the distance.