One of the fun things about German is how confusing it is. To make a word plural, you add -n/-en, umlaut + -er, umlaut or do nothing. So a lot of beginners will take der Vogel ( a bird ) and add an n but also an umlaut. Vögeln. This is however incorrect. It has the same meaning as ficken or bumsen. It means to fuck.
The true plural is die Vögel. Birds and the bees I guess.
I wanna talk about language and the importance of it. I was watching a video of a USian talk about looking back at the US after 5 years in Europe. And she mentioned in the US it's a cool party trick.
For me it was a little more than that. I'm a cook and that means I interacted with a great deal of spanish speakers. Speaking spanish got me more hours but ultimately the ability to speak multiple languages is one of the most powerful strengths that you can have. Ever.
I barely use calculus. I barely use Matrices or my advanced History or Science knowledge except for party tricks. Metric makes quick modular arithmetic unnecessary. You know what's actually one of my most important genius traits that I did not know until moving to Europe? Picking up on syntax and vocabulary very very quickly.
Turns out my code breaking skills would become essential in my future. My ability to do calculus was used to put some sexist guy in his place once in Germany. My ability to learn German, Spanish and now Croatian is infinitely more useful. My ability to say "Klein Reis Bitte" to receive blank stares and then say "Malo Reisa Molin" and get an immediate response is actually infintely more useful.
Even in the US my ability to speak Spanish helped keep me off the streets. I got more hours and more trainees even with my very limited spanish. The idea that you only need to speak English is a US fantasy for overprivileged, generally ham-colored Americans. In a great deal of industries, especially higher up in industry when you need to speak to other colleagues in other countries or in working class where you speak to immigrants is infintely useful.
If you want to learn a language in your free time. Do it. Just do it. It's not embarrassing or geeky. I would argue it's actually essential. You don't know where you go or where you'll be in 5 years. Before I came out I never thought I would ever move to Europe or have the confidence and outgoing nature to move continents and primary languages. I also didn't start working in kitchens until I was almost 30. You literally never know.
I am consitently fascinated with how German actually eliminates vocabulary but in turn actually increases the length of a lot of words, but also makes German a shorter language. My first experience was my first time on the autobahn with Ein/Ausfahrt. In the US it's onramp and exit.
Next was when we were building our kitchen and the building had Ein/ausgang. Entrance and exit. But now I have received a promotion and I am doing more exacting and bureactratic work. Recently it was Ausnahme and Maßnahme. Nahmen is the präteritum conjugation of the verb Nehmen (En: to take). Präteritum vs Present is like take vs took. An aus ( en:out ) nahme ( en:take ). Out-take therefore exception or the grounds for an exception. Maß is measure so a measured take is a step or a procedure.
German makes things very efficient so the word Bundesverfasungsgericht is Federal Constitutional Court ( Supreme Court ) and Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän translates to Donau Steamboat Company Captain. And it gets much much worse. But I can't lie it is quite efficient and actually lowers the bar for understanding. I don't need a large vocabulary just the ability to parse words over 50km in length.
So I went to the Netherlands a few months ago. You gotta understand some Golden Retriever Girlfriend lore here. My mother's maiden name was Van Diest but she was adopted from a Lesbian grandmother of the last name Van Dussen. I think Dussen is closer to Belgium but you get the picture. My family is from a Dutch Quarter of Southern California.
Van means from this area. It's Dutch. Von would be fron this noble house and is German. Similar but different and Van + google maps makes things easy to find.
I fit in amongst Germans. My body type is rather Scandinavian. I don't look Eastern European. Slavish that is. But I don't know how to tell you this most Germans aren't blue eyed and blonde haired. The Dutch however...
When I went to the Netherlands I went from a fitting exception that will get numbers in a bar to being a vanilla Dutch. It was a very weird feeling. Exception to norm. It was like walking in a nation of clones. Really xenophobic clones but still.
I'm still confused by Europe. Like handshakes are binding in German and the french love to kiss each other. Culture and genetics are weird topics.
So there's this joke that Jack Wolfskin is the most German sweater brand of all time. And that an immigrant that finally gets one is finally fully integrated to Germany.
Guess what this bitch just got?
Cue the heavenly chorus and the weeping of Germans in socks and Fussschweißwannen. ( EN: Foot sweat tubs. It's an insult for a very specific type of shitty sandals )
Today, lessons on German Fluency or at least allusions thereof. Today we talk about the wonderful versatile word "Scheiße".
Do you know if it's a Kanne or a Dosen. A Beutel or a Sack. A Kisten or a Blech. It doesn't matter. You can just say "Gibt mir bitte die Scheiße an".
Can you not remember what the article of a door is. Die Tur. Do you not know how to tell someone to turn the lights off. Is the window blowing all your shit everywhere. Do you not know how to shut up. Just say "Macht bitte die Scheiße zu"
Do you not know what you are looking at, forgot how to say it etc etc. Just say "Guckt die Scheiße an!"
Then you can really get into Deutsche Flüssigkeit with sentences like "Tu die Scheiße in die Scheiße". Spoken by a actual German #thatfrisiangirlish so you know it's Muttersprache Flüssigkeit.
I am in a weird place between German and English. My phone will give me alerts like "Blah gefällt your post". All my alerts are half German, half English.
My browser keeps asking me if I want all my websites in German after I write a query or read something on DW or Tageschau. Then will ask me if I want my posts in English right after. Just now I was looking for Google Translate. I don't use it often but in my history it says "Google Übersetzer". I have never written that exact phrase but it's how google remembers.
Google is confused. My parents are confused. I'm confused. But I'm always confused so ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Things I was not expecting when moving to Germany: That my name is actually difficult to pronounce. My last name has a funny spelling so people get confused. I've given up and started introducing myself with the German pronunciation of "Frau Vefer". Germans pick up on this right away. I hate my family. I Don't care about correctness.
But what really blew me away is my first name. I often get called a "plate" DE: Der Teller or "Tyler" like who knew a "Tay" and an "or" could be so hard to pronounce in so many languages. Like I just say my name is like Taylor like Taylor Swift because I have given up. People are going to ask me anyway "OH LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT?" and it's easier to just agree with them before they even ask.
Today @thatfrisiangirlish took off the training wheels. When I moved to Germany a little over 2 years ago I spoke probably less than an A1 in German. That's nur ein kleines bisschen. A VERY small amount. So ae had to be my translator everywhere. Everywhere from Ausländeramt to the grocery store. I could accomplish next to nothing.
Then I worked everyday around Germans. I took a mandatory German course at the best German school the person could find. I made it to B1 and my teacher showed me off. I was her best student. Anther teacher said "I also had an American woman in my class once. She could also speak perfect German". Except in German. It was against the rules of the teachers to speak any language except for German. Also I am well educated and apparently wickedly smart.
My friends here are mostly German. My girlishfriend is a German. I work everyday in German. I find it disrespectful to live in a country and not speak the language ( an opinion of mine that changed since moving ). I don't have small enclaves of like speaking souls here like a lot of people I know. Like I don't have a choice.
Wir wohnen in Deutschland, deshalb sprechen wir natürlich Deutsch.
So now I speak German better than most immigrants do in 10 years of living in Germany. Even with mandatory German courses. We went to the Endocrinologist a few months ago and she stood by and watched as I spoke in German with the receptionist. This time when she was asked to walk away she did so. I was to manage the whole conversation on my own, no forewarning, no lead up. My German girlishfriend trusts me with strangers.
I was fine. My German is good enough to get jobs speaking only in German in interview. My boss speaks no English. She had a bad teacher. It happens. But to go from needing her everywhere to be trusted to start and end a conversation completely in German, makes me quite pleased.
I was talking to my mother about how my piercer had offered English or German and I'd chosen German. He was the first person that could speak both that didn't switch because my German is "Enough" to make intelligent decisions about gauging my ears. I don't miss the laugh cues and can follow along with conversation even if my German isn't perfect. ( I'm gauging my ears up soon! )
My dear sweet mother said to me, "Of course you have grown. We can tell from your speech patterns."
I speak German probably more frequently than I speak English but ngl I fail to see how German corrupting my English with sentences like "Should I make the lights on?" or "Stand it in the kitchen or?" etc etc is in fact "growth".
I've heard about his from Kiwis, Americans and Brits. Plus some rando from North Carolina that checked our Impfnachweis that had almost completely forgotten his English and about died of shock when he saw a Californian outside his IKEA.
At least I have the comfort of knowing Dutch does this to German motherspeakers the same as it does to English speakers in Germany or Austria. ( I don't know anyone in Switzerland but I can't imagine it would be any different ).
fml or in this case f*ck my English. It's dying a rapid death of "Bilingual in a language of the same family" 🤣🤣🤣
I have been living in Germany now for over 2 years. My politics are german politics. The news I have access to is German news. The culture and work are German too. It becomes your normal. We call it integration. It also means unintegrating to your homeland's normal. So sometimes I have to ask @thatfrisiangirlish questions of "Have we always been like this?".
Here's an example.
*The US withdrew from Afgahnistan because it was killing more civilians than ISIS.
*The Ukraine war has been going on for 600 days.
*There was a great deal of saber rattling by the US and a great deal of arms supplied by the US.
*I get news all the time that the US is being aggressive in the South China Sea.
*Antagonistic with allies and enemies alike. I think America can at most make frenemies.
But finally I read that the US is telling 2000 soldiers to be on standby for deployment. After a few years of watching the US from the outside and being shocked by the level of beligerence the US has, even for it's own allies, I leaned over to my girlishfriend and asked,
I am currently on vacation. Yesterday my coworkers all told me "Schönen Urlaub". They opened car doors as I passed by to say "Schönen Urlaub". My Serbian coworker that speaks very limited German did his best to pronounce the well wishes as well. My boss. Everyone. And it made me very mad.
Schönen Urlaub means basically "Enjoy your vacation" but it's in the same vein as "Frohes Weihnachten" (En: Merry Christmas ) or "Alles gute zum Geburstag" (EN: Happy Birthday ). This is not a statement. It's a saying. It's a culturally engrained way to tell someone to celebrate a culturally engrained thing. That is "Vacation".
It made me really think. When I tell people what state I am from I generally have to describe it as "One of the square ones in the middle". Because nobody knows where Colorado is. I don't tell them I worked in Fort Collins and Boulder. I say near Denver. Nobody knows the names of the restaurants I sacrificed my time to, even if they were often locally famous.
I sacrificed my life, my time, my health, for a career that means absolutely nothing. I have "Tennis Elbow" in my right elbow from how often I use a chef's knife for chrissakes. I sacrificed holidays, friends, birthdays for double overtime that is and was meaningless. My longest work "week" was over 28 days. For what? An empty house? Depression? I'd stay at work until the sun was rising because why exactly?
The rage I felt in that moment was palpable. Not at my coworkers or at Germany but at myself and at my homeland. America tells you it's praiseworthy to sacrifice everything for nothing. For peanuts. For accolades your children, family and friends won't remember. In a town nobody knows for a company that will likely die and nobody will ever remember.
Now I live in a country where people will ask you "Wann machst du Urlaub?" ( En: When do you take vacation ) if you haven't taken one recently. And it makes me unreasonably angry that I sacrificed all of that, all of me for nothing.
I believe it should make you angry too. Enought to push for change. You're family and friends will only remember your absence. Believe me, I know. I raised myself and it comes with it's own problems of "feelings of abandonment", "people pleasing" and "trust issues". A company doesn't deserve your indentured servitude to increase quarterly profits.
There's something that deeply concerns me about the US. It's not something that's really talked about. Everyone knows about things like lack of health insurance etc etc.
It's something you only really know when you know a great deal about countries and US emmigrants. ( Fuck whatever self-obsession came up with the word Expat. I refuse to use it. ). I moved to Germany. If you don't know, It's a very heavy work culture. The grind culture of Germany is legendary. The vast majority of my employers and coworkers have loved me because I don't explode. I don't really stress or complain. Because it's like US work culture but kinder.
I moved to a country renowned for it's ability to grind you into a pulp and smiled.
I had a friend move to Japan. She was my first Restaurant General Manager. She was in the US army before that. Japan is globally renowned for how shit it's work culture is. She went there for similar reasons as me. The politics in the US are shit and nobody listens. But she went to one of the hardest work cultures on earth-Puts Germany to shame-and not only survived but thrived.
We don't often talk about problematic NATO countries much. We avoid, mostly talking about the interior politics of the US or Turkey for example. Sometimes and that's increasing as the pushback to populism picks up steam but generally it's reserved for poor countries or countries that are full of brown or black people.
But it scares the shit out of me that Americans can go to some of the hardest countries on earth and smile a genuine smile for the first time in their lives because it's better than their Homeland.
One of the really interesting things about moving to Germany is the difference in my career. I'm not talking about how often 30 year olds have to retire from industry in the US because their bodies have deteriorated just that much. I now have worked with cooks in their 50s WITH GOUT. It's really not much slower here either. Just Mandated workers rights mean the industry is kinder. Kinda. I DIGRESS.
What's really really different is expectation. In the US I was given a recipe. I was expected to follow that and still a lot if cooks made mistakes. I built my career. I studied at home. Practiced at home. This made me an expert American cook but only a passable European one.
The expectation in Europe is that I can make a Bechamel, I can make dough, I can make Bolognese etc etc. There is no recipe. Just the expectation that I know it or have the resources to do so. Also Germans tend to prefer quality over quantity and Americans are reversed from this but not like completely opposite. So like these are my recipes now. No job is allowed to ask them. They could pay me for them but I'd not be willing to. I've improved dramatically.
Now I watch American professionals on YouTube or something and just want to scream. "Your roux is too oily" or they add black pepper in a cream sauce or add their tomato paste at the wrong time. I'd get reamed by German directness and European style kitchen management, if I made these mistakes.
I've improved dramatically because being a good cook, a very important part of my identity, is a much much higher expectation. It's creation instead of the expectation of high turnover and inadequacy in training. I see now why great cooks come to Europe to train. America Culinary doesn't present competition with Deutsche Gastronomie.
One of the things that really messed me up when moving to #Germany was "Urlaubsanspruch". Vacation rights. In the vein of the viral TikTok of "People that left #America, what is the thing that made you realize America messed you up."
Like I had prepared for most things in German for my job interviews. How to answer in German. How to translate my work experience etc. But the first interview I had, I received a question for which I was not prepared. "Was möchtest du für Urlaub?". What would you like for vacation?
I panicked. This was not a word I was completely familiar with. I'm new off the boat and this person just asked me about vacation. I graduated Highschool in 2006. I walked into a labor market that was suddenly crushed by a recesion. I learned to budget on poverty. I was never in an industry where vacation was even a thing. Even asking for 2 weeks off is an extreme extravagance and it's certainly not paid. Like f**k fam, my longest work "week" without a weekend was over 28 days.
The lady goes on to explain that I am garuanteed 28 days in Germany. An extreme extravagance to me as a first time European worker. And you know what's funny? Germany has some of the lowest paid vacation time in all of Europe.
So like I've gotten sick. Covid-19 ( again ), RSV, and Bronchitis. I even got diagnonsed with a mental health breakdown. Got two weeks free. I was paid 80% of my full time pay for all of it. Gone to The Netherlands to meet a new friend for. And like even my boss has said "Everyone needs time free. Everyone needs vacation. We have to work hard so everyone gets the break they deserve."
Now going to the doctor is my new normal and the only card I pull out is Krankenversicherung. I take my second vacation in a couple of weeks. And everyone I know back home is suprised. I must be so lucky. No I work in Culinary and make minimum wage. Nah, It's just my human rights. I don't know why I ever accepted having none.
Also my boss owns two BMWs, one full electric. I think she's doing just fine paying us vacation.
So I've been a cook in two countries now. I've never been at a job that poured bleach on food to prevent homeless people from eating but I have had to work at places where it's a termination worthy offense to eat food. So you throw it away because it's better to be starving with a roof than without. Health Code and industry practice in the US leads to massive food waste.
Here in Germany the health codes are more stringent but also more logical. For further example, my boss told me once "We have a responsibility not just to save and environmental protection but also an obligation to Morality. People are starving. How can we be good and destroy food? Do NOT throw away food.". Except in German because she speaks basically no English.
It's really and truly terrifying to me. Germany has very very strict rules about food, health and quality. Much stricter than the States. But Germany's laws are more built on reason whereas the US makes codes on capitalism. That wastes food and freezes people to death in their homes. Don't forget to bleach the trash. We can't have poor people not suffering \sarcasm. All completely up to code.
Capitalism isn't reality and it isn't just. It doesn't take being a cook or anticapitalist theory to understand that. I always get weirded out by capitalism stans that truly think it is.
Yesterday was my three year HRT-Versary. The drugs have changed very dramatically from what is pictured but that's where I started 3 years ago, 3 years after coming out. It took blood, tears and getting through gatekeeping to get there. The middle is a recent-ish picture of me. The other my first day HRT pic. I look like beat and hammered sh*t today, it's been a long week so you get a one month old picture.
It was also my one year anniversary of taking and passing the LiD-Leben in Deutschland. Basically a knowledge of the country, past, culture and politics. Sehr guter Erfolg like an A+ in America speak. I was convinced I failed X.X.
-There was a work truck occupying the oncoming lane. Something that happens often here. I didn't slow. It's not my job to yield. That's for oncoming. 50 kph is 50 kph.
-I pulled forward to drive down the road to turn around because someone had blocked me in and most roads here are like alleys back home.
-There was a service vehicle coming down a 1.5 lane road. I pulled over to into almost a park to let them through.
There's a lot to European driving that takes time to get used to. Germany will just let trees grow in the road. Trees are good and expensive to remove. So you'll get little shicanes sometimes where they expect you to yield. Lanes are frequently blocked by service vehicles. ( something that just is routine in countries with infrastructure funding ).
Manual is as frequent as Automatic is in the states. In fact automatic is frowned upon. ( I'm happy I learned a clutch so well ). Also these were cattle paths or like highest surface area so the archers had longest to fire. Also no America style zoning so "Blocks" and straight roads don't exist here. I'm very proud of myself. European driving is intimidating. #immigrantlife#germany#driving
This bugs me in ways that are hard to express. A little background in non English speaking European countries ( IDK if this is true elsewhere so I'll just say Europe ) they'll teach you British English one year then you get a year of American English.
@thatfrisiangirlish told me that aer teacher had said "In order to pronounce US English, speak English but pretend you are chewing a big wad of gum at the same time"
Recently my coworker from Croatia said her teacher told her the same. I don't know how I feel about this. As a American English speaker it's both accurate, hysterical and upsetting. #immigrantlife#english#education
Sometimes things like false friends are really funny. We use Vegeta all the time ( pron. veh geh TAH because thankfully in German all vowels are pronounced the same ) like I can't count to you how many times my boss has said "Salz, Pfeffer, Vegeta" however if you talk to an American or an anime nerd this is Vegeta ( pron Veh jee TAH ) prince of the Saiyans and foil to Goku. #language#deutschmanchmal#funny#immigrantlife
I have to make an admission. I only ever learned Fahrenheit to Celsius conversion in one direction. My life is in Celsius now. Ordnungsamt and Gesundheitsamt run very strict tolerance and I have to have the right papers and tests to be a cook. So my brain made the change from Imperial to metric. But now when an American asks "How hot is that in F?". My brain goes blank. My face that of of a deer in the headlights because I can't even begin to guess or convert. #Immigrantlife#metricisbetter
My life and relationship feels like it shouldn’t exist outside of a romance movie. One where you go “ohhh it’s so cute but this doesn’t happen to real people”. Let me explain.
In 2019 I had a close brush with death. I told him no, you can’t have me and quit alcohol cold turkey that day. I don’t remember the next two weeks. Rather a blur of withdrawal and pain. A week afterwards I joined a Discord Community because I needed something to help me get by. I’d lost my friend-the bottle-and needed actual person friends.
It was there I met Her. We started in a mock flirt battle over Java vs C++. The next day a joking battle about the effectiveness of a Katana vs the European longsword. I thought to myself, “She’s really hot, wait is she flirting with me?”. She asked if she could DM me. We exchanged pictures. She asked if we could be friends on FB. Then a week after meeting each other I thought to myself “She seems great. I don’t really know her. Maybe I should ask her out. If it’s a fling it’s a fling but I’d rather try than let her slip through my fingers”. She said “yes”.
It went really well. We fit each other like a glove. I thought maybe we could see eachother during an Eclipse in Iceland in 2025. Just gal pals in a jakoozi. Being real gay during an eclipse. At about 6 months we decided maybe I should move to Germany instead. It felt weird. This was so much of what I wanted. What I NEEDED to get out of the US. With someone that understood and listened to me. Respected me even in argument.
Well we had a plane flight but then within 72 hours the borders slammed shut. Covid-19 and the American response was a joke. Nobody had interest to let us in. I was homeless, jobless, I’d sold my car. This felt like what my life was. This felt like this is all it could ever be. Long Story short some friends let me stay at their place for a year and then about a year later the date came again.
I sat there waiting for my connection in Texas, thinking this isn’t how reality works. This is how sappy romance movies work. Somehow there will be a problem with my passport. Somehow I’ll be sent home and even if I make it over, I betcha I won’t get a job in under three months or Tally will hate me or something. Then I’ll go home. I got on the plane no issues after trying to speak German with a German lady. 17 hours later, I landed in Frankfurt International Airport. I was like “… customs has to stop me. This can’t be. This is a movie. This is not my life.” Customs did not stop me. They just said “Dankeschön. Schönen Tag noch. WEITER!”
Well she was wonderful. Then I got several interviews. The second one I received exactly at the three month cutoff of my Short Stay Visa. Then I was like “I can’t learn German. Something will go wrong with integration or something. This still can’t be”. The person that interviewed me was so impressed by my A1 in German just from working that she literally called around until she could shortcut me in the waiting list for German courses in the best school with the best rated teacher in the area.
I passed both my Leben in Deutschland ( A test about politics, history, law and Culture of Germany ) and Deutsch-Test für Zuwandern (Scoring a B1 German profficiency ) with a 1, “Sehr guter Erfolg”, basically an A+ back in the states. Then I tried to leave a shit job and got into a job that is so famous around these parts that Germans still congratulate me. It’s a very prestigious restaurant.
About the same time Tally and I passed the one year mark of living together and decided to get married. We were only not dating for 1 week of our 4 years together. So many people have looked at us and said “goals”. But like I am still dumbfounded. This is something you see in Hallmark movies. This doesn’t happen in real life. But it does. This wonderful thing to have happened to me sleeps like a little spoon with me every night. #romance#immigrantlife#transjoy#lgbt#storybookending
We went and got our piercings checked today and he gave us both a very clean bill of health. We're doing good healing! He's so skilled he caught I was stressed. ( We had immagrationspolizei come to work last night. That wasn't stressful in itself but certain things that happened made last night really rough. He's got talent. ) #immigrantlife#germany#piercings.