@StefanThinks@beige.party
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StefanThinks

@StefanThinks@beige.party

Joke attempter. Mildly annoying. Occasionally humorous. I don't post jokes I didn't come up with unless I give credit. I try to be original or at least original-adjacent. Formerly known on Twitter as https://beige.party/@StefanThinks

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

StefanThinks, to random
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Okay, I'll bite, what's an instance war?

StefanThinks, to random
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Kids these days will never know the struggle of waiting 16 hours to download a Beastie Boys album from Limewire only to find out it was actually Aerosmith.

StefanThinks, to random
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You should stop using the word "taint." The proper word is "tisn’t."

StefanThinks, to random
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I don't mean to rub it in your face, but I was selected as one of a few people to participate in a survey.

StefanThinks, to random
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Wow! My credit card has 5,290,563 points, I'm so excited, but I can't decide if I will get the pencil topper or the kazoo.

StefanThinks, to random
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Instead of energy drinks, they should make a drink that makes you feel like you just had 8 hours of sleep.

StefanThinks, to random
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The vet prescribed my dog steroids, and now my dog's wearing mesh tank tops, a spray tan, bench-pressing various objects, and calling me beta.

StefanThinks, to random
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If you found a briefcase with a million dollars, would you return it to me? I've been looking all over for it.

dannotdaniel, to random
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Don't know why Starbucks et. all don't offer coconut / MCT oil as an option for their coffee. They have everything else you could think of. Grated Mandrake? Eye of Newt?

I bet the keto crowd would pay $

☕

StefanThinks,
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@dannotdaniel I think they do olive oil in some markets (I also heard it has a laxative effect)

StefanThinks, to random
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Keep honking, I’m reloading my aromatherapy diffuser with essential oils.

StefanThinks, to random
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I’m considering quitting my job to become a doula. Am I having a midwife crisis?

StefanThinks, to random
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Some of you would rather go to therapy than trek into the Amazonian rainforest to find an ayahuasca shaman to lead you on a spiritual journey and it shows.

StefanThinks, to random
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If I were to get a puppy, I wouldn't rely on asking what the last thing some random person on the internet ate to help me choose its name. Instead, I would let my son, Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme, make the decision.

StefanThinks, to random
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My favorite part about social media is when people explain to you what you meant to say.

StefanThinks, to random
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If you don’t trust science, you shouldn’t be allowed to use the internet or WiFi.

StefanThinks, to random
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I just passed my Sbarro exam! I’ll see you in food court!

StefanThinks, to random
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One thing I miss about the mask mandates is that it made it easier to tell who the assholes were.

StefanThinks, to random
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Remember when you would call someone on their landline and they weren't home, and you'd be like, "Oh well, I guess I'll try again next week."?

StefanThinks, to random
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Interviewer: Can you explain these gaps in your resume?

Me: Those are typographical indicators called spaces and line breaks that separate words and paragraphs.

StefanThinks, to random
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I’ve never driven in a demolition derby, but I have tried to get my car out of a Trader Joe’s parking lot.

StefanThinks, to random
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Seeing your classmates murdered is more traumatizing for school kids than learning the truth about slavery.

StefanThinks, to random
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The Right, when a cartoon character gets canceled: THIS INSANITY MUST BE STOPPED!!!

The Right, when children are murdered: This is the price of freedom we must live with.

StefanThinks, to random
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Despite what your profiles say, I’m starting to think some of you are NOT fluent in sarcasm.

StefanThinks, to random
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I am feeling lazy today. Can you find a way to make this toot about you and get offended by it? Thanks in advance.

StefanThinks, to random
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Do you ever notice how some people who have just learned a new word try to use it at awkward times? That is so tumescent, lol.

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