Is it normal that I feel pretty bad for ignoring homeless people begging for help?
I want to give them money but since my childhood my parents pretty much told me that they are all either faking it or are too lazy to go to work for money. I mean, I guess they can go to work but not everyone gets accepted to work as easy as it sounds like.
Oh yeah, those damn cunning homeless people, there to make you uncomfortable with their suffering.. (in case it isn't clear - heavy sarcasm, your attitude is disgusting)
Chill dude. You’ve made a lot of good points, throughout the thread, and I agree with you completely, but you’re being an asshole. Nobody will pay you any attention when you insult them.
There wasn't any judgement implied there. It literally works because people have empathy, you know, that thing that makes you not immediately assume everyone else has the absolute worst intentions.
It all depends how that plays out. Empathy is a good thing. It’s why were not sociopaths and our species died a long time ago. It can also be exploited by people. I mean there are organized gangs sending out people to beg for money on the streets. Especially around christmas time. I wouldn’t give them any money but I have donated to proper people in need.
I don’t really like it if people play with empathy. For example showing starving african children is something that works and non-profits do it to get people’s attention. Nonetheless it reinforces stereotypes and leads to a spiral of more and more graphic images being needed. It’s a complicated topic. This year I looked for a non-profit who doesn’t do this, lets people have their dignity and also spend less of the donations for their own corporation and more for the actual projects.
I believe also with homeless people it’s more complicated than one of the extremes. Some just pretend to be homeless. Some really are. And really in need. Some will waste your money for alcohol and some need a warm sleeping bag to get through the night. There is probably more than meets the eye. And it’s always difficult to tell.
But I get your interjection. Some people actually have that attitude. They really think the homeless people should be kept out of sight so they themselves don’t have to feel uncomfortable. That’s disgusting.
(Edit: Something I think works somewhat alright is charities who give out food on the street, warm clothes and sleeping bags. Maybe this is unlikely to get abused and you can donate to them without worrying too much.)
I believe also with homeless people it’s more complicated than one of the extremes. Some just pretend to be homeless. Some really are. And really in need. Some will waste your money for alcohol and some need a warm sleeping bag to get through the night. There is probably more than meets the eye. And it’s always difficult to tell.
Nobody who is doing well is sitting outside in December begging for change. It's dehumanising. If someone is down on their luck and wants a beer to get through then it's not a waste.
Personally we have some good homeless charities around here so I tend to report them using an app which brings out volunteers to help them get supplies, a hostel, and benefits which is more money than I can spare, but if I have food or drink (including sometimes alcohol) going I usually donate that too.
I don’t know how it is where you people all live. In big european cities it has happened that criminal networks force people to beg on the street. You’re probably right that they are not well. Sometimes this involves human trafficking. But they’re not the usual homeless people. The gangs will “recruit” for example amputees and people that get sympathy. The money usually doesn’t stay with those people. It’s organized crime and the money is taken from them. You ocassionally/rarely see dubious people when you visit a christmas market. Police cracks down on things like this but you can google a good amount of news articles on this.
However there are homeless people. And it’d be a shame if we stopped helping them because of this. But you also don’t want to support criminals.
And I don’t think it’s the same in the US anyways. Social security, healthcare and everything is very different. So is what kind of organized crime we have around us.
If people are being human trafficked they're not doing well.
This idea that all homeless people are fronts for gangs however is a right wing idea that rarely or never plays out. A gang can make money drug dealing, stealing cars, even petty theft, all are going to pay much higher amounts than sitting in the train station begging for change.
I’m completely with you on that. Criminals are also known for doing pickpocketing on christmas markets. All of that isn’t that big a problem where I live and this hasn’t happened to me, yet. But I know people. I think it’s obvious that seasonally crowded places are bound to attract some criminals. And all of that doesn’t really have to do anything with homeless people. But I will gladly rethink the stereotypes I heard and think about where I got that from. Sounds like something right-wing people would love to regurgitate.
Put it this way: getting a job is just one of many challenges facing homeless people.
For example, if you get a job but are already living absolutely hand-to-mouth, can you actually afford to have that first month of work with no money coming in on a day by day basis. If you cannot afford to even eat how will you make it to that first paycheck?
Even if you do, where will your job put that money? Many, many homeless people do not have a bank account, and what do you need to open a bank account? A home address and ID!
Were you fortunate enough to become homeless with a copy of your birth certificate or other form of ID? If not oh that’s not a problem sir, it’ll cost you £35, and then it’ll arrive by recorded delivery to your home address. Where was that again?
Pretty much no person is homeless by choice. Most are there by a combination of bad luck, violence, a lack of a social security net, mental illness, and many many other factors. Very few people would choose a life of danger and unprovoked violence. You wouldn’t want to be without a home, they don’t want to be without a home for the exact same reasons.
So in conclusion, it is the very basics of human decency to feel bad for them. I would urge you to go further and try to help them, whether that be by direct contribution, by volunteering, by donating to a housing charity, or something else.
Make eye contact and give a little nod, as a minimum, instead of ignoring. I’ve known homeless people to say the hardest most frustrating part was feeling invisible.
Yes. That’s the point. It feels worse for you, but better for them. If you want to be kind, deal with the discomfort. Otherwise just admit it’s not about the money and you’re just looking after yourself :)
With statements like these it feels like you're not trying to change the situation. It feels like all you're trying to do is tear down this person, who is pretty obvious having moral issues over this thing.
If your goal is to help homeless people you're doing a shit job.
If you're trying to induce apathy, no notes. You're doing a bang up job.
It feels worse to acknowledge a suffering sector of humanity than to ignore it.
But, it feels worse to be ignored when suffering than it does to feel seen when suffering.
You’re choosing to feel uncomfortable so they can feel a bit more comfortable. And you do so knowing that by and large, you can afford the discomfort more than they can.
Not all are but you giving them something will not change their circumstances if you do. You would help more homeless people by giving to a soup kitchen or shelter. Some give you cards you can give the person which is supposed to give them a bit more priority. Honestly any good feeling someone gets from giving them the inconsequential amount in isolation is more the false thing.
It’s a normal human trait, which is why it’s so easily taken advantage of. If you wish to do something for your local population of people suffering homelessness there are plenty of charities to donate time or money to that will ensure it is spent more wisely than most any singular person suffering from homelessness would likely spend it themselves.
ensure it is spent more wisely than most any singular person suffering from homelessness would likely spend it themselves.
Right, because being homeless means a person couldn't possibly know what's best for them, best treat them like children, there's no other way! It's not like literally the majority of people are a missed pay check or two away from becoming homeless themselves, it's truly amazing how in that instance a person, according to you, suddenly loses all faculties of their mind.. 🙄
They’ve not necessarily lost faculties of their mind, nor do I disparage those suffering from homelessness. They’re humans, people just like you and me, but they often suffer from addiction and mental illnesses that would make financing them directly a negative impact in their lives. So how about you think about the compliexites of problems and how to actually solve them instead of getting rage baited like an upset Karen? (upwards of 40% abuse alcohol statistically Source: www.addictionhelp.com/addiction/homelessness/ and 20-30% suffer from mental illness Source: psychologytoday.com/…/the-complex-link-between-ho…)
I used to be homeless. (I am doing significantly better now though. Hard work and luck.)
I did actually have a job, it just didn’t pay enough to get me a place to live at the time. I was too ashamed to beg for money, but I did occasionally hang around restaurants and ask people for food. (So much shame because I had so many peers with family that helped them and they would look down on me for “failing to launch.”)
Why didn’t I go to a food bank? Because the bus system sucked and I couldn’t get everywhere I needed in the amount of time I had in the day. Additionally, I had no kitchen. No place to prepare food that isn’t ready made. The shelter did not allow me to store food.
Government help and charities were definitely not enough, but it did help. A lot of people in charity were good people, but there were quite a few that were just plain nasty. At the shelter, I would get yelled at for following their rules and asking for my phone that they held at the front desk so I could get to my job for instance.
It does not feel good when your family lets you down, your community lets you down, the government lets you down, and even the people that are supposed to fill in the gaps lets you down. Really makes you think that you are undeserving.
You are right that some homeless people have a hard time finding a job. A lot of places will discriminate against you if you do not have a permanent address (and some will even look for addresses of shelters). If you went to jail, a lot of places won’t consider hiring you. And if course wages are just really low compared to cost of living.
Yes, it is ok to feel bad for those people that don’t have what you have. That is human. Yes, some of them may have made some bad choices and some of them might not need the help. But a lot of those people are just victims of an uncaring system. If you do not help them (which is fine, it is not always possible), at least treat them with dignity. Being treated like a worthy person, rather than a second class citizen, means a lot to someone who society let down.
Thanks for talking about it. It’s more than I could do. It’s interesting and aggravating to have spent most of your life in a certain situation, then working to help other people in that situation, then studying it…then reading a bunch of comments by people arguing over it who are so certain they’re all right when it’s obvious that most of them have never come close to experiencing it.
This must be what it feels like to be a lawyer and have to talk to a sovereign citizen or something.
And none of this addresses whether or not giving money to panhandlers helps them.
I’ve lived on the street before, it sucks, but what the typical visibly homeless person does isn’t sustainable and doesn’t help them. It’s just a rut of wasteful and irrational behaviour, if you are panhandling you’re not engaging in productive behaviour that will result in long-term changes.
It’s pretty normal, yeah. It’s just being empathetic for someone else in a bad spot. I usually don’t donate, but I make an effort to at least have some small talk with them. One of the worst aspects of homelessness is the feeling of your humanity just slipping away, and just reminding them they’re people really helps.
Of course, only do this if it’s safe, so maybe not the middle of the night, or a super-busy intersection, but when you CAN, it probably means more than what you could donate.
Empathy exhaustion is real. It feels like everyone is demanding you fret over their pet ailment, group, etc. You have to be “aware” of every disorder or super rare genetic defect. Same goes for walking around cities where the homeless are constantly demanding your attention and money. Even if you give them anything they will demand it as you walk by again. Emotions are like muscles, they eventually get exhausted.
Almost every time I’ve offered a homeless person a meal that have declined. I’ve physically seen a “homeless” begger walk his bike from the median, to a parking lot and load it into the back of a band new truck and drive off. If you want to give you just have to take the risk you may be getting scammed.
I have only once had a guy ask for food and truly want it. I actually had a friend who was giving up smoking offer a pack to a guy who got mad at him because it “wasn’t his brand”.
load it into the back of a band new truck and drive off.
Reminds me of the guy who asked me for gas money at a gas station while driving a brand new Harley.
No, it’s a completely normal feeling to feel bad about not being able to help people that are suffering.
I don’t buy the line that people are faking being poor just to make extra income. Yes, there are people that drive up to foodbanks in fancy cars who are abusing charity supports meant for the needy, but your average beggar isn’t one of those who abuses supports.
When I see people pick out food from a trash bin, no well off person would do that. I try to help out them with change where I can.
Life is extra cruel to those that are already down on their luck. If you find yourself where rents are $2000+ a month, trying to even up and move yourself to somewhere you might be able to get a job and afford to live on it, takes several weeks of hitchhiking or several hundred dollars in travel expenses. (Canada)
Having helped some homeless people out, the other thing is that because of the brutal conditions they’ve been through, often they’re easily stressed out, can’t fill out forms or express themselves very well. Sometimes the one thing keeping them from getting help is someone in their corner who can properly advocate for what they need. For many people having a temporary rough streak, this can be a family member or friend. For many chronically homeless people they don’t have anyone to lean on.
I don’t buy the line that people are faking being poor just to make extra income.
I didn’t either until i was walking around Chicago and a big dude started asking for money. I couldn’t help as i didn’t have cash and the guy i was with made a comment that upset the beggar. Then the beggar pulls out a wad of $20s and started flexing about how he didn’t need our money anyways. After that, I’ve had a really hard time wanting to hand out money.
Yeah, but I see enough people around that don’t act like that, they don’t even have the energy to sit up and beg people for money. I leave snacks and money that I can spare for them.
Even some with $800 in twenties, how far will that get them in downtown Chicago? A month of smokes? A month of rent in a dingy basement in the suburbs?
I know around the world there are scam artists that hang about especially in touristy areas I’ve encountered quite a few, but they are a small number compared to the number of homeless people in genuine need. I had no more change for a guy in LA, so instead I gave the man a small piece of a pie I was eating, and he was so grateful for it.
I’d still be happy to give my money away 10 times if it genuinely helps 9 people and once it falls to a scammer.
Yes, it just means you’re human. I feel bad about it too, but I don’t keep change in my car. I do what I can by supporting food banks and rescue missions* in my region that have homeless outreach, because its what I can do. It doesn’t matter how you feel if they are lazy or druggies, if you feel something, you can at least act in response, or choose to do nothing and be hostile.
There was a point in my life I was homeless and it fucking sucked. I had to live out of a warehouse with no heating and nobody deserves that. Anything I can do to prevent that from happening to anyone else, i’ll do, if its reasonable. I once took in a couple of people during the Atlanta snowout in the 2010s for a day while we figured out how to get them home.
yes I know these are religious organizations that are no doubt trying to convert/‘save’ people which is why I confirm through Charity Navigator they are also fulfilling their obligations to the poor. Like Jesus would do.
Yeah, it’s pretty normal for someone that has empathy to feel bad when they can’t do much/anything to help someone else that they would help if they could.
The problem is that you can’t help everyone, so you’d have to pick and choose which individuals you do help, which is going to make you feel just as bad as not giving them any money at all.
The real answer to resolving the feeling is to provide help in a more general fashion. Volunteering with any of the local homeless support programs/charities is a good way to help individuals and homeless people in general
If you can’t do that, or do other support that’s similarly broad, that’s okay. Just do what you can, when you can.
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