I'm thinking about Willpower today! Humans seem to have decent short term willpower, but not particularly good long term willpower, for things they really want. Willpower doesn't seem to be an infinite resource, and is effected by stress, fatigue, and environment.
So what are your thoughts on Willpower? Have you given up something long term that you really loved? What is the hardest thing for you to limit in your life? What is the thing you always seem to cave for?
Just an FYI, this isn't a platform to shame people for bad habits, we all have something we struggle with, we all have different levels of stress, and grew up in different environments. Just for instance, I can smoke a cigar occasionally, enjoy it throughly, but never really crave nicotine, on the other hand, if you were going to tempt me with a loaf of homemade bread, some delicious BBQ, or a well made cocktail, my willpower is much more limited. Human brains and bodies are incredibly complex and no two people are the same.
@RickiTarr you have to rethink willpower when you get #ChronicPain, as it turns your options from do nothing or do something positive but it takes energy, to do nothing but it hurts, or do something positive but it takes energy and also hurts so whats the point
@RickiTarr Willpower is a matter of making up your mind to do something (or not do something,) then seeing not doing it as no longer an option.
Like going to work every day, even though the bed is warm and comfy and it's cold and rainy outside.
Staying in bed is just not an option.
@RickiTarr I've given up caffeine, nuts, onions, hard cheese, preservatives, and a bunch of other foods for years now because they're migraine triggers and giving myself migraines is not an option.
@CStamp@RickiTarr Oh yes, alcohol and lack of sleep are on the list, too.
Pretty much anything that's a vascular dilator, (the rebound effect triggers migraines,) including Advil and aspirin.
@samhainnight@RickiTarr Yikes. I take liquid Advil at the first eye twinge and it usually prevents things from getting too bad. Coffee makes the Advil kick in faster. :)
@RickiTarr If I can associate an unwanted behavior with a bad outcome it's much easier to be disciplined. Example if I'm thinking about drinking but think about the last time I had an awful hangover it's easier to pass on that drink.
I kicked smoking that way. I resolved to quit on on new years 2002 and as a result began chain smoking throughout Christmas. I made myself so sick, I actually quit early and have never had even the slightest craving since.
Food though, that's the toughest.
@RickiTarr willpower requires you feel passionately about something. Like, I don't eat pineapple anymore. Because I seriously don't want to die from that allergy.
I do eat cookies because being a bit tubby isn't that big a deal.
I don't bite my nails because you can get intestinal worms doing that and I REALLY don't want parasites climbing out my butt hole.
I do smoke or drink even though it may lead to an earlier death because no one's getting out of here alive anyway
@RolloTreadway@RickiTarr I found I didn't know what I had in reserve until I was cornered. Particularly true when I was seriously ill a few years ago. Sometimes you don't have a clue until you're tested.
@RolloTreadway@RickiTarr For example, I had to stay nil by mouth for over a month after my bowel burst, a post-surgical complication. Hardest thing I ever did, but I had a determination completely out of my usual character.
There are far too many things which I've seen attributed to "willpower" which were really just a change in circumstances, and often not directly related at all.
A "lazy teenager" turns into a "hardworking adult" not because of maturity, but because her anaemia finally gets diagnosed and treated. A career and city change because a bad relationship finally ended.
I think it's more about shedding stressors and dealing with chronic health stuff.
@MGraversen@RickiTarr Exactly. There are so many health things which are diminished and disregarded, like chronic lack of sleep. That zombie feeling parents of newborns talk about? I lived on 3-5 hours of sleep a night for 8 years. Once I finally got some proper rest, people kept saying how much better my attitude was. It wasn't attitude, it was not being exhausted.
@RickiTarr I gave up a twenty-seven year, pack-a-day smoking habit. That took me ten years of trying and failing. Haven't smoked for 13 years and every day I'm glad I succeeded. But it was really hard for me.
@RickiTarr some people are built with consistant access to willpower while others aren’t. I have always been an all or nothing type of person. Big challenges motivate me but also cripple me. Giving up habits had to be framed positively. Otherwise the dictator in my head gets overthrown.
@RickiTarr Great question. I find willpower to be a fascinating subject. I changed how I ate almost 7 years ago (cutting out most sugar and processed stuff, mainly simple carbs). It wasn’t terribly hard, but there are a few things I miss having. Definitely a mind over matter thing & my personality is one that I do not like the ‘back & forth,’ I’m in or I’m out. Where my willpower fades a bit is when it comes to eating (the stuff I can eat) more than I should. That is something, or an area I am actively working on. Like you said, fatigue, stress, that time of the month, etc, come in to play.
@RickiTarr Willpower is tough. I quit smoking cigarettes in 1995. It was ridiculously difficult, but haven’t smoked since. I’ve mostly quit my disordered eating, with some lapses. I can’t seem to quit biting the hell out of at least a few of my fingernails. But I’m pretty much okay with this.
@RickiTarr there are a few handful of “religions” based around the power of the Will. Most of them usually decay into do whatever you want .
I was a member of one such “religion” for 15 years…it also made noises about being “Gnostic” …it was about as Gnostic as any Gnu you might find on the Serengeti
After decades of feeling guilty about not being able to resist this and that, I decided I have no willpower and have learned to live with the consequences. 🤷♂️
@RickiTarr
Willpower is only a term for the moment it's used. It's subjective. It could just as easily called stubbornness when it ruins an opportunity; or fixation if it harms a relationship. We have to have limits on it, I think?
With unlimited willpower, we'd never change our minds or choose new paths. We'd be too self-assured and ditermined to second guess ourselves or recognize a mistake in the making.
@RickiTarr It's also something that needs time to replenish, and I find I need some easy/regular successes in order to keep going. That's what made weightlifting difficult - I kept plateauing for no obvious reason and struggling to get any further, and then usually something would happen to disrupt my routine and it was hard to re-establish it when I didn't seem to be getting any stronger anyway. (That might have changed recently, but getting back into the routine is harder than I expected, because in not doing it regularly I've created a lot of barriers to restarting.)
And there's a lot to be said about removing barriers to doing. Things like having to unpack and then pack away equipment, or rearrange a space, don't make it easy to do something. And lacking a comfortable or appropriate space is a massive barrier that's very hard to get around (since it's not easy to make more space happen if you have a very small starting space, and going somewhere else to do the thing is another barrier). I haven't been able to sew all summer because my sewing space is terrible (unlined and poorly ventilated metal shed, so it becomes an oven in even fairly mild weather) and cutting fabric on the floor ended up hurting my back and my knees (pain does not tend to make one want to do something either). But that just meant a lot of frustration and resentment all summer because I wanted to sew and I was very motivated, and would get continually roadblocked by the shed being too hot and the house being too small and cramped.
With that being said, there's really not enough out there on how frustration, spite, etc are fine as motivators at least initially. Almost all of my creative hobbies were born out of sheer frustration that I wanted something specific and in order to get it, I either had to pay an exorbitant amount of money well beyond what was reasonable, spend extra time and money modifying one or multiple other items with a high likelihood of ongoing frustration, or I had no choice but to make it myself because there was no other way to obtain it. (Or I did it because people had told me I couldn't, or that it was silly to, etc) Once I started I usually then found the process more fun than frustration and would be able to find other motivators (sensory brain tingles are a big one, and there's always something that does it for me) but as a starting point, there's nothing wrong with frustration or spite. It's just not very sustainable long-term.
@RickiTarr intriguing. I love your sentiment on this.
The things we crave out of the human experience seem to always overpower any conscious objections we have about them. Then, in turn, our brains create the logic to talk us into giving in.
My brain tells me every day that sugar and whiskey are okay because the world seems to be crumbling around us.
On the other side is willpower to accomplish a goal. That’s another story about the battle against self-doubt, eh?
@RickiTarr
I can have willpower, but it evaporates if I tell anyone what I’m exerting willpower to do. It’s like I can sustain it within myself but external anything blows it up.
There are some things I stopped doing because of health or bad reactions, but that’s not willpower. Other habits I’ve broken by just not having time and forgetting, also not willpower.
Both of those seem to work better for me, so maybe I should give up willpower in favor of negative conditioning. #Skinner
@RickiTarr I think willpower is needed primarily to change habits/lifestyles, then once it's done and become established, the new habits/lifestyle just becomes the new normal and willpower is no longer needed. Using it in small concentrated amounts is doable and can work really well.
@RickiTarr
Thoughts: It works until I hit a brick wall, usually other people, figuratively speaking.
Given up: Mom and dad's respect.
Limiting self: Meltdowns (I dont really have a choice, it's like sneezing, but worse) and talking.
Cave: Threats. Threaten me and I crumble.
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