molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

criminal mastermind

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

me typing into google minutes after pulling off a multi-million dollar crypto theft: "how do i, molly white, evade prosecution for the crime i just absolutely committed"

ellie,
@ellie@ellieayla.net avatar

@molly0xfff 🏴‍☠️

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

"evidence laundering buzzfeed listicle"

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

wait, one sec, gotta put this browser in incognito mode.
okay: "if i give some of the money back will i still get in trouble?"

dorzig,
@dorzig@mastodon.social avatar

@molly0xfff Good lord, its like watching Mr Bean commit a bank robbery.

wakame,

@molly0xfff
"Hello Quora, has anyone of you experience with crypto thefts from a thieves perspective?"

AT1ST,
@AT1ST@mstdn.ca avatar

@wakame @molly0xfff Clearly the trick is to ask the Worldbuilding Stackexchange community; frame the question as "In a world similar to ours", and it might actually get an answer.

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

i feel like if you're going to crow about how "his skills were no match for us!" you maybe shouldn't include all of these details about how he did a bad job covering his tracks

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

"SHAKEEB AHMED, the defendant, used a particular virtual private network ('VPN-1') to conceal his [IP] address while he executed the attack... [Afterwards] AHMED visited or searched for information in an attempt to confirm that VPN-1 could not be traced back to him."

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar

"On or about August 16, 2022, AHMED searched for the term 'how to prove malicious intent.' "

you genuinely cannot make this stuff up

Viss,
@Viss@mastodon.social avatar

@molly0xfff you gotta wonder if theres a middle ground between this and like, "actual criminals with a brain who dont make these mistakes". where is the threshhold for "someone actually difficult to catch"?

publius,
@publius@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

@Viss @molly0xfff

Timothy McVeigh was arrested for the Oklahoma City bombing because he had a failed tail-light on his car.

Viss,
@Viss@mastodon.social avatar

@publius @molly0xfff sure, and musk still walks free despite multitude of market manipulations

Quisley,

@Viss @publius @molly0xfff Keeping the powerful in power rarely counts as a crime

trantion,

@Viss @molly0xfff Plenty of cases where it took lots of investigation to track someone down, even if it turns out they did something silly along the way. I think it took a lot of work to track down Ross Ulbricht until they found he'd asked how to build his crime site using an email address with his name.

It's the classic defender's problem: they only have to slip up once

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar
dneary,
dneary,

@molly0xfff I have to figure out how to embed gifs in toots...

video/mp4

greenriver8,

@molly0xfff Popehat taught you well

km321,

@molly0xfff Anyone considering that there is an “international technology company“ out there for which this person did security work.

ammy,
@ammy@mas.to avatar

@molly0xfff
Makes me wonder if there are historical cases where suspect asks the neighborhood "hey, where do you bury a body so nobody finds it?"

drukac,
@drukac@historians.social avatar

@molly0xfff
The defendant then searched for the "Are we the baddies?" animated gif, which led to a 103 minute detour on YouTube to watch clips of the Mitchell and Webb show.

anomalocaris,

@molly0xfff !w crime

grumpasaurus,
@grumpasaurus@fosstodon.org avatar
mral,

@molly0xfff
so he is in the ready, fire,aim school of thinking.

nisha,
@nisha@social.afront.org avatar

@molly0xfff on the other hand, I’d like to know how they traced it back to him. For education of course 😇

SmartmanApps,
@SmartmanApps@dotnet.social avatar

@molly0xfff
His skills were no match for Inspector Clouseau either

opendna,
@opendna@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

@molly0xfff keyword "parallel construction"

takouhai,

@molly0xfff the reason he got caught was clearly because he didn’t have his NortonNet of Firewalls enabled

Beeks,
@Beeks@mstdn.party avatar

@molly0xfff surely there's a WikiHow for this....

vic,
@vic@howcyborgs.chat avatar

@molly0xfff "site:mumsnet.com evidence laundering"

NIH_LLAMAS,
@NIH_LLAMAS@mastodon.social avatar

@molly0xfff IRS Cybercrimes Agents HATE These Weird Tricks...

hllizi,
@hllizi@hespere.de avatar

@molly0xfff when crypto only has one meaning

philip,
@philip@mallegolhansen.com avatar

@molly0xfff The punctuation briefly made me believe there’s a new product named “Google Minutes”, which frankly wouldn’t be surprising as some kind of “Post meeting notes app that auto distributes the note to all participants” product.

runarcn,

@molly0xfff imagine pulling off such a crime but still not knowing about Tor and DDG

mhoye,
@mhoye@mastodon.social avatar

@molly0xfff me in a panic re-searching everything I’ve looked up in the last week, adding “hypothetically” to it. They’ll never catch me now!

aftd,
@aftd@sfba.social avatar

@molly0xfff You just gotta follow this up with a search for "how to hack Molly White and frame her for crimes" and then point to that

GreenFire,
@GreenFire@mstdn.social avatar

@molly0xfff
In the USA, one can try playing the running for POTUS stay out of jail card.

mikefordays,
@mikefordays@mstdn.io avatar
AT1ST,
@AT1ST@mstdn.ca avatar

@molly0xfff Of course, these days, one answer that might be given is "Go on an OceanGate submersible trip to the Titanic.".

haloedrain,
@haloedrain@toot.cafe avatar

@molly0xfff personally I would have tried to learn those things beforehand, but I have been accused of over planning

Lightrider,

@molly0xfff this is the shit you learn BEFORE your big heist

JohnShirley2023,
@JohnShirley2023@mastodon.cloud avatar

@molly0xfff a lot of people get nailed that way

BigMcLargeHuge,

@molly0xfff

ok, ok.. THATS IT.

I officially resent this clown being called infosec, IT or anything related. He is a red-nose wearing, floppy shoe-owning, SQUIRT-FLOWER USING CLOWN.

What kind of "expert" wouldnt use basic. tools to obscure these activities?!?!?!

Camera zooming in on a man that's quietly angry - Note: From an infomercial

tomlevenson,

@molly0xfff I have heard it said that if criminals weren't dumb the police would never catch them.

Which leads to the inevitable q.: how much crime is gotten away with by the ones who do know how many beans make five.

lookatmeimdanny,

@molly0xfff please tell me they recovered a hamburglar costume during the raid...

ashteranic,
@ashteranic@hachyderm.io avatar

@molly0xfff I guess it could be worse, they could have had a spreadsheet on their desktop labelled "vacation plans" breaking down how to spend the money they'd just stolen.

(ah, true stories of corporate malfeasance)

jeber,

@molly0xfff Back in the day he’d have had to walk into the sheriff’s office to ask, “How exactly do y’all get away with robbin' the bank?”

smileodonicthys,

@molly0xfff there have been multiple recent murders where you could basically see the timeline of the crime based on the killers’ google searches. It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic

trantion,

@molly0xfff "ChatGPT: write a story in which a fictional character who committed exactly the same crimes I did gets away with it"

oscarsalguero,

@molly0xfff True crime comedy gold.

tob,
@tob@hachyderm.io avatar

@molly0xfff This is the plot of Office Space.

nebulos,

@molly0xfff Do you have a link to the original article? I love reading about crypto collapses.

molly0xfff,
@molly0xfff@hachyderm.io avatar
RichStein,

@molly0xfff
Up there with Paul what's-his-name, who was tripped up because he didn't know how to PDF a file. Another stable jenius * (Is he pushing crypto BTW? 😉 🤑 )

Honestly, don't these bros know any bois who could teach them how to delete searches, etc. **
https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2018/02/how-manaforts-inability-to-convert-a-word-doc-to-pdf-helped-prosecutors/

*See DJT - https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/01/you-wont-believe-what-trump-said-about-his-middle-name

** Would not let my teenage boys near these dudes.

Willie Nelson should re-record the song — Mammas don't let your babies grow up to be stupid.
https://youtu.be/i85ob2DackI

deriamis,
@deriamis@mstdn.social avatar
mkranz,
@mkranz@hachyderm.io avatar

@molly0xfff I really like “can I cross border with crypto”… it shows a real deep technical proficiency

archstreet,

@molly0xfff Good times

HailHodor,

@molly0xfff I'd love it if MITRE added details like this to threat actors' ATT&CK profiles.

Techniques used: Googling

henriquelalves,
@henriquelalves@mastodon.gamedev.place avatar

@molly0xfff "money laundering for dummies pdf download"

meejah,
@meejah@mastodon.social avatar

@henriquelalves @molly0xfff "udemy course money laundering"
"ozark entire series free download"

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