I was contemplating this earlier today. I do wonder to what degree the fact that global news has in a lot of respects become local news, through the internet and other mechanisms is effecting our #mentalHealth as a whole. Irrespective of your own class, privilege or anything of the sort, where news about wars, killings, horrible accidents etc. was previously mostly confined to your own town, province or at the most, country, we now passively consume horrible news from a great many more places, and a lot of the time, it's really only the bad news that gets screen time. So-and-so blew up. Potential dictator in X. Y might decide to take over the world next week, viewers beware. That kind of unending torrential downpour of doom and misery CAN'T be good for you. Being well-informed and empathic to the struggles in the world is all wel land good but when I see people who say they explicitly DON'T watch the news anymore I really can't blame them. #musings
Learning that the voice in your head is a parrot of what you've been told & experienced in similar situations, rather than your actual brain is probably the wildest thing I've learned so far about mental health.
Ngl, as somebody who could disassociate at the drop of a hat - I seem to have lost that ability. I don't think I'm any less creative. But I used to watch whole movies in my head and now with proper therapy and meds, it's feels uninteresting? Boring? I don't really know how to describe it.
Has anyone else had this happen? Not sure if it's skill regression or just learning to be more present.
So in your mystical fantasies, do you have a list of folks that… if reincarnation is real, you’d want to connect with in the next life? I know I do, and it’s a pretty short list tbh. I’ve had two friends give me that kind of unsolicited recognition in the last week, one way or the other, and it has been extremely gratifying to know I’ve had that kind of impact on someone’s life. #Musings#ruminations
I've been asking myself a lot of big questions and doing a lot of introspection into my #neurodiversity and #cptsd and wooooo boy did I not realize the definitions I thought for a lot of things were actually backwards.
Like I always thought things like '#perfectionism' was about trying to be perfect in every aspect in your life but it's the opposite: You refuse to allow yourself to fail. To not be good at things right away. To not take 'better than last time' as enough.
I've always been messy and unorganized, but I had no idea it was all a form of control. By keeping things messy I kept things predictable. And when I tried to clean I had all or nothing thinking about cleaning a WHOLE desk or a WHOLE room - which is especially exhausting with anxiety and depression eating up valuable energy.
Turns out, the real bar is just 'better than before'.
I know I probably sound incredibly naive, but I have a core belief that the vast majority of people are trying to do good. My evidence is that as shitty as things are, society still runs. People care about friendships & families. Lots people want to get into fields of helping, nurturing, the arts, entertainment, gardening, animal care etc. You can have thousands of people on a highway all driving at incredible speeds with only a handful of accidents.
Finally got out of the flat to visit Japan Weekend Madrid. Saw one full fursuit so far, but I'm doing the cat thing and hiding.
Seeing lots of Naruto, one piece and bleach cosplayers. Lots of amazing art as well! These folks would do well at a furry con of they drew furry art XD
Also noticing the lack of super robot art. Too niche I guess XD
Anyone else's attempts at a 'girl' voice end up lapsing into a faux-British accent without even thinking? It wasn't exactly what I'm going for, but I kinda like it.
1/x #zeroone is a fascinating platform and phenomenon. If you want to collect there, you have to create and upload.
I took this as an opportunity to turn some of my amateurish physical drawings and sketches into art—not simply by uploading them there, but by adding AI elements to make them pose a question:
Is this art already? Which impact has the use of AI on their perception as art?
Recently did some work on this alternate altar that lives in our bedroom.
Some bones foraged from our land, some foraged back in Michigan by an old friend. The human teeth belong to the same friend (one of their baby teeth & wisdom teeth, given as a gift).
The altar in our public space is a really wonderful artistic display, a story of us, blending a lot of cultural elements that we share and some that we only share because we're sharing a life together. It's full of offerings to this land, but also pulled tarot cards, sculptures, gifts from friends, palo santo & copal incense, stones and offering plates from my side of the family. Bundled pine, bundled sage, and blessed rosemary. It's public, interactive, and beautiful.
This altar, though, is very personal. Some elements have been in my possession for years, before I began this journey into spiritual practice, before I knew what their purpose was (or my own). Some elements have been added over time: the fossilized lizard tail and heart, for example, I found after opening the first studio I had on this land. The rat femurs I also found on the land, while cleaning trash when we first moved in, and all of these little things that have found me I've felt compelled to venerate and offer back to the space. The display in our living space is public: it invites guests to add to it, and sometimes they leave offerings for us there, too. But this space is in our private area, and it feels like it contains little secret pieces of us and the land. Things that people only really see if they spend enough time here to become privy to them.
To me this parallels the reality of working with such a space: many people come and enjoy the superficial aesthetic beauty of the land and the home, for a time. But they don't truly understand what it is we're doing here, or what it really means to be here. They have respect, but lack full awareness and veneration. But there are some who know what this land means just by virtue of having been here -- some needed to come often to feel it, some stepped foot on it and knew instantly that it was special. But that kind of awareness isn't common, and it's something that we hold very dear. We keep very close to us those who share our recognition of this space as liminal, as straddling time and place, of its constantly repeated history, playing out over and over each moment, and the responsibility we have to honor the spirits that exist here.
So I'm at the point where I'm pretty aggressively promoting the #Algorythms#podcast across various avenues of social media.
Even (reluctantly) used that bluebird hellsite. Probably the only reason I still occassionally bother with it.
Also, while one of my co-hosts is taking a trip to Japan, me and Duke (my other co-host) plan on doing a short episode. Either a punk act (The Clash; 6 albums) or a hip-hop act (Beastie Boys; 8 albums). Ideally, I would have Run-DMC or Public Enemy as a first hip-hop act, but as the co-host that is on the Japan trip is a fan of both of them, it'd be a dick move to do it while he's away.
Also, the #SpermBankSaga of mine has concluded. I know what I did wrong last time and I followed the instructions closely this time.
It is done. And if I still get rejected or have a problem there, I'm just going to say "Fuck it" and continue #transition . Bio kids would be neat, but there are other ways to have children (if I want them in 10-15 years) if bio kids just aren't in the cards.
I listened to my body when I realized that I am #trans . So that serve me well.
I made my decision. I'm going to go full-speed ahead on transition.
But as soon as I the GoFundMe pays me out, I am buying a Legacy kit. And if all goes well, it'll take less than one week from today.
It's a gamble, but I'll see if I still produce viable sperm when the kit arrives. And after the preparations, I'll walk down about 15-20 minutes to the post office with the mail-order package. Then I walk back home.
This will be the first time I take a long walk in femme attire. But it's also walking down to around the area of a Planet Fitness. So if I can do this well, I can hit a gym and make this a habit.
If it turns out I am non-viable, I won't care. I'll take it as a sign it wasn't meant to be. And I can still adopt, step-parent, or use a partner's frozen sperm (if I date #T4T ).
I can't handle trying to hold back transition anymore.
Now I'm like the #HRT so much that I'm wondering --in theory--that if I called the sperm bank in the morning for a meeting in a couple of weeks at most, would I still have viable sperm if I took regular HRT?
Or would it depend on stuff like the dosages or taking it every other day instead of every day?
I'm drafting up a looooooong message to mom explaining the mechanics of the whole situation since it is a lot to remember for casual conversation and order. I've been through a lot this month.
And at the end of it, I'll be linking multiple informative trans-related essays and an excerpt of The Gender Dysphoria Bible.
The whole thing is almost done. I gave definitions of HRT, gender euphoria, and gender dysphoria. I also went a step-by-step process of the two-pronged method I used to obtain #HRT . I also told of why I used the Venmo + PayPal thing to begin with and gave insight into just how well-prepared I was in this.
I also ask "Would any cis person go to this level of preparation on order to change their gender?" Then answer is no.
I'll have 2 dates I consider my "transiversary." The 1st is the sudden egg crack (7/11/2023) when I slipped on a dress for the first time. The 2nd is when I take my first #HRT pill. If all goes well with the shipment (ie, doesn't get stuck in customs), I will begin my #transition in 7 days.
This is the next step. I've socially transitioned, am out and loved by my family & friends, have felt the sheer #gendereuphoria of being able to freely love your friends platonically as a woman, untangled myself out of the web of both cisgenderism and attraction to men (which was weak even when I was "cis het"), started gently nudging my aging mother away from the #deadname she still sometimes uses out of a 28-year-habit, and see the beauty of transitioning more and more each day.
As of yesterday, I can say that being #trans is the best thing that has happened to me.
Welp, I was just about to have my first #transbian hookup (it felt right and we had the right rappport as we were both cuddly and horny). Then we talked it out and discovered neither of us have a car and live on opposite ends of town. Thankfully, we both laughed it off and remain friendly.
Useless #Lesbian moment Number 1. Certainly won't be the last.