Since I've only been on here a week I'm posting a 2nd #introduction ...I'm Bryan (duh) in #Ottawa, almost 50 (embracing it), #bisexual cat dad (my baby's turning 5 in June), here for some #queer content, maybe some music (I'm a #disco and #edm fanatic), movies (keen on #horror right now), some real talk about ME / #CFS, #trauma / #PTSD / #CPTSD, and I might talk about working out and cooking (because no one's ever done that online). Here's a 30-year-old photo of me, I look EXACTLY the same now.
Can anyone recommend a good #EMDR therapist for online treatment? I'm trying to research it on my own and it's exhausting. A testimonial from someone saying 'this one knows their stuff and isn't a dick/is easy to talk to' would really help. The ones I've found don't seem to offer sample sessions like other therapists. The last therapist i approached did have a sample session and was awful, so I'm wary.
Woman or non-binary person preferred. Experience with #CPTSD preferred if you know. #therapy
@actuallyautistic I knew depersonalisation and derealisation commonly co-occurred with autism. But for some reason it didn't click that it's an actual self-contained medical condition.
Just found the Cambridge Depersonalisation Scale. If you want to try for yourself here's a PDF link:
I'm in so much pain right now, I miss sitting on the couch after dinner & feeling my bunny's warmth on my side as he slept next to me. I miss seeing him run & jump & play as his space gets smaller & smaller
Just praying for a miracle because I want to see my #EmotionalSupportBunny happy & healthy & with Mom and I forever
I feel no hope right now, just deeper & deeper despair
Something I haven’t talked about publicly because I’m scared someone in my family will see it:
In trying to heal my #BPD and #cPTSD I’ve had to dig deep into my childhood and look for the roots of my #trauma.
And this time… I found them. Or rather - “it”. There is just one root for all of my many many many mental health troubles and life issues for as long as I remember.
It’s my mother.
My mother, who I still maintain contact with. She was my abuser.
How do you process that the person who you thought was your “good” parent actually controlled, manipulated, and punished you into a completely distorted worldview where you saw everything as evil, broken, and abhorrent other than her?
How can you go on knowing your mother actively starved, physically tortured, mentally devastated, and broken you for every year of your existence?
How can you live when your own mother repeated you don’t deserve to exist? #BPD#cPTSD#trauma
Fully aware that this sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the #neurodivergent (specifically #AuDHD) movement is so fascinating to witness through an evolutionary lens. We are quite literally experiencing how society comes to terms with an accelerating genetic mutation. Growing evidence points towards #adhd and #autism as differing presentations of the same underlying mutation. Highly co-morbid conditions like #depression, #anxiety, and #ocd could be #cptsd from ongoing social trauma? Wild.
Did you know that #algorithm based platforms like #insta have "tools" for creators to know when their audience is usually active so they can plan when to post for more "engagement?"
Guess who can't access those kind of "helpful tools" because it's inaccessible - cognitively broken me
More in this hoot train
Love a #Mastodon rant from my janky insta posts...
As a #DisabledCreator I make "content" when I am able, when I have the energy or #spoons and because of my #CPTSD I cannot plan when to push out or even #create future content especially when I'm fighting my #survival mechanisms daily
I make shit when and if I can, the more safe I feel the more I can do what I need and what I love
Trying to recoop after getting triggered last night from something completely insignificant
To my #CPTSD it was the end of the world and I just collapsed mentally hyperly aware of how ridiculous it would look to anyone else not feeling what my nervous system was feeling
This is my life as a #TraumaSurvivor and today I'm paying for it with 11/10 physical pain
Within seconds I went from being excited for my #RFF stream
After fighting for that excitement for 48 hrs at least, prepping for the promotional stuff more than 24 hours before
Fighting through my #trauma around self advocacy yesterday morning - something I've had to fight daily since I was laid off in January last year with urgency clawing at my heels
"If you stop your family dies, if you rest your family is gone"
My whole body was shaken and in terror, my mind unable to comprehend wtf is happening
"what's the big deal"
"nothing is happening"
Trying desperately to pull myself together to wait just 5-10 minutes to do what I need to do, gather up the resources to mask and make a #comfy space for anyone who would be there for my music
Fighting voices saying "no one cares, your music is stupid, this is useless, they just pity you, you're a fuck up"
I collapsed and fell apart at the seams within 15 minutes time
While I'm sure the people witnessing the events from the outside had no clue, while feeling ashamed and too broken to explain but also untrusting that they would understand while my #trauma demonizes everyone to "keep me safe"
It hurts and I try to reach out to friends for help, again my mind attacks me because they understandably can't answer within seconds
My present is at a constant battle with my past this is life with #CPTSD
I'm thankful for friends who were #glimmers for me last night as I was drowning and couldn't do much more than cry and try to keep my mind from hurting me in so many different ways