Lucia

Lucia, 11 months ago to random

So yeah, I’ve got a total of ten holes in my ears now. Eight of them in a 24 hour period. I think I’m done for a while. That cartilage really… feels… when you pierce it😂

Honestly I’m feeling a little obsessive/compulsive, and this is the better option. But I need to quit.

Lucia, 3 days ago to random

The best thing about Linux is that it guarantees you will never have to wait on phone line for Windows customer support ever again 😂

Just enter your problem in your browser and it has probably already been solved and explained by a bunch of nerds on a forum somewhere who are getting impatient about solving such mundane problems for us less experienced folx.

But... Back before smartphones were invented (unless you count Blackberry) and my problem was no internet connectivity, solving problems was much harder lol.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

You ever listen to a song and picture your pet/s singing it to you?

Lucia, 11 months ago to random

“Hey Lucía! What’s that you are working on?”

“Oh, this? It’s just the Application to Change the Name and/or Sex on a Record of Live Birth to Support Gender Identity. Thought I’d work on it while I’m painting my nails, between coats…”

“Well jeez, what’s been holding you back?”

“Me.”

#Trans

Lucia, 11 months ago to random

So my son who is autistic is getting overwhelmed by sports, mostly I think it’s that the kids he has to interact with are difficult and completely ignore his boundaries. He also gets overstimulated and doesn’t get a lot of downtime he needs to recharge.

He doesn’t want to do sports anymore, and I told him I support this, but apparently he and his mother got in a huge fight because he tried to express his concerns and needs to her.

Her inappropriate response to him? "You have to do soccer or your going to get fat!"

What the actual fuck? She was shamed by her mother and her coaches when she was a youth. It’s probably a huge contributor to her developing narcissism as a dysfunctional coping mechanism. Now her fucked up thought processes thinks it’s ok to do this to our children?

She has already rejected my sons therapists recommendations to her, saying, “I’m not the problem! The therapist doesn’t know what she’s talking about!"

So yeah, I just found this out this evening, and I’m not yet sure how to address it. Probably through my sons therapist as a starting point. My ex is a human who CANNOT take anything perceivable as criticism. She goes into nuclear meltdown and burns everything for a 100 mile radius. And she simply will not change her stance unless it’s her idea.

Pro tip: BEFORE you date anybody ever, spend some time studying narcissism. There’s a lot of information out there.

Lucia, 9 months ago to random

Alt text for a post with a picture of a thing:

“Picture of a thing.”

(Not even specific enough to say what particular kind of the thing the thing is)

Fucking seriously? Is this considered useful alt text to anybody? Seems insulting to me. I don’t need alt text, and often my own alt yet isn’t all that great, but this…

Lucia, 9 months ago to random

I nicely asked Brain to not give me fucked up dreams tonight. Just like a 1 night break or something. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Lucia, 17 days ago to random

My phones flashback feature:

"Looks like you need a reminder of some traumatizing shit, so here you go!"

Like what the fuck even is a story with photos of me moving from safe and secure house to single wide to 28 foot camper trailer? And each move represents loss, stress, poor mental health, basically an ongoing living nightmare that never seems to stop.

No, I'm fine, there is obviously no trauma involved.

Lucia, 3 months ago to random

On the ridiculous (and exhausting) nature of my anxiety, and part of why I get very little done in a given amount of time.

One item from my room goes in a bag in my living room. This feels like too much work. I take the item to the kitchen, about 15 ft from the bag. I put the item on kitchen counter, next to other staged items, so I can consider a plan to get the item the last 15 ft into the bag at a more sensible time.

Currently trying to organize my bedroom. I've been in here all day "working on it." So far most misplaced shit has just moved around to new temporary locations.

Lucia, 4 months ago to random

Forecast calling for slightly chilly weather tonight: -31⁰C with wind chill. That's-35⁰C. Brrr.

Lucia, 4 months ago to random

Watching Pacific Rim with my kids. SO MUCH MACHISMO lolz.

There is so much testosterone in this movie I think I need to pop a handful of spiro😂.

Lucia, 3 months ago to trans

Picked out possible outfit to go file name change papers (and pick up hrt meds):

My cute af dark gray and black almost to the ground wool wrap skirt, this new linen/cotton black shirt with pretty low cut front and a slight puff at the boobs that is incredibly flattering with my tiny bumps, and my fave black cuddly cardigan. I have an all black wool skirt I wanna wear but I need to hem button to take off a few inches before I can wear it (custom made to my specifications but a slight miscommunication on length--longer is better, short would have made me upset).

Don't need a belt because the skirt sits high waist and has a long and wide banded tie at the side that makes a big cute bow. And my shirt sits kinda high at the waist. And on top of that I'm gonna wear my black obsidian disc necklace that will contrast with my fairly exposed middle of chest. And a pentacle.

Big Bat Energy today, and it matches the weather. I'd take a pic but no chance I'm in the headspace for it, so gotta imagine it.

#Trans

Lucia, 11 days ago to random

Had a person reply to a week+ old post about a psychosis trigger by quoting something I said in the post, then basically saying all Americans are psychotic because of politics citing a wikipedia article out of context with what I was saying? Idk, I don't understand why they did that. Anyways. I went back to look at it and block the person and the post was gone, which is always weird because then I question if I actually saw it or not, which makes me feel like they are teying to fuck with mynhead. Their bio also said all us citizens are not real humans, ad if we are all psychotic monsters?

Fortunately I found the person, and they must have deleted the post because it's completely gone.

Lucia, 3 months ago to trans

Anxiety Posting

This is what I use for my purse. It's called a nomad bag, this one made in Nepal and I purchased it at a fair trade shop in my town.

I also have a larger purple and black one with slight stylistic differences. There is a nice pattern on the front, which is simply a flap that covers the opening of the bag and whole front of bag, but inside the flap is the "secret chicken," a rooster design embroidered on the front under the flap.

It helps with anxiety for a couple reasons. One is that it hangs at level of my lower parts, not that they really ever show anymore, but adds security while walking around that nothing behind the bag reveals itself. I honestly don't need a shield at this point, but it is nice just in case.

Reason 2 is that freaking everybody loves it and asks about it. Even the nice young mad doing security at courthouse said he like it lol.

#Trans #TransProblems

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

Going to look at a camper trailer tomorrow morning. My family who lives down the road from me wants to help me get on my feet and not piss away all my money before I am accepted for disability and housing subsidization. They have come up with a plan that includes me getting a used camper and living on their property while I apply for government assistance, including food, which will hopefully go through before years end. Who knows tho.

They have developed a sort of financial plan too. My aunt is going to manage my small sum of money and keep me from Impulsively pissing it away as I am won't to do.

Anyways, yeah, might have a new to me camper home tomorrow.

Lucia, 8 months ago to mentalhealth

When I woke up at almost noon, I got dressed for the day. An error on my part. Should have gotten dressed for bedtime.

Error corrected

Being out and about in the world for most of the day yesterday left me feeling like a squeezed out lemon. This is not new, it is part of why I stay at home most of the time.

But now? I am completely drained of life, and might be for a few days.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness

Lucia, 2 months ago to mentalhealth

I love talking about anxiety, not because I like anxiety, but I know a lot about it and like to help others understand it.

Did you know there are people who experience no anxiety? There are people who have experienced so little anxiety that they don't know what it is when it happens to them, and they are convinced they are instead having a heart attack? There are people who experience anxiety 24/7?

All anxiety is valid, and it doesn't hurt anyone to validate the anxiety felt by others if they open up to you. It is no place to one up them. To the person having anxiety for the first time, it can feel life threatening, even if it seems to be "less than" your own anxiety. We live in an anxious world now.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Anxiety

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

My bedroom was the most organized room in the home, but it is the hardest room to clear out rn. So many choices and decisions make it hard.

I'm very tired, barely able to leave sitting position at this point, and feel like I might actually fall asleep. But I have six days to get out of here. How tf am I going to do this?

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

I finally tapped into my spoon reserves to ask a friend to help me move some heavies from home into covered trailer (I am not good at being a friend, and feel bad asking for help when I don't otherwise commune with friends much).

While I had him trapped, I told him about my mental health issues, which probably was slightly jarring.

Anyhow, his help has very much lessened my load. Mostly I'll only have boxes and totes to move. That being said, it's very hard to make my brain work with the decisions of all the little things remaining.

Lucia, 4 months ago to mentalhealth

The longer I struggle with psychosis in my life, the more uncomfortable I become with people casually throwing around of "psychotic, psycho, psychopath," in contexts that have nothing to do with mental illness. I see it here, I just did minutes ago, and it made me feel gross.

I am psychotic, sometimes, when unwell, but not all the time. Bipolar can have a psychotic component. Psychotic disorders have psychosis as a primary feature. But I'm not a psycho or psychopath. My ex has called me a psycho, which is unfair and cruel.

Psychopathy is a descriptive word for a particular flavor of person with traits falling under a cluster b personality disorder, specifically antisocial personality disorder, aspd. The other flavor is sociopath. Neither psychopath nor sociopath are diagnoses, they both fall under ASPD.

You possibly interact with people who experience psychosis and you don't even know it. I would hazard a guess that people here wouldn't have thought I have a psychotic disorder if I didn't talk about it ad infinitum. Me doing this actually helps with visibility of an often invisible illness, and helps towards destigmatization. I hope.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #SchizoAffective ##Schizophrenia #Psychosis #Bipolar

Lucia, 3 months ago to trans

Note to lil eggies out there: You can be transgender AND asexual.

You don’t have to take any part in all the a top, bottom, dom, sub, et stuff.

*Sexuality is 💯 valid

#Trans

Lucia, 4 months ago to random

Cheese rant.

Stop calling cheese mold. It legit pisses me off when I hear people call cheese mold, and then argue when corrected.

Cheese is made with milk and an enzyme, rennet, from the stomach of ruminants. The enzyme alters the characteristics of the milk. That's the mostly the extent of my basic cheese knowledge.

But take your aged cheese and very intentionally inoculate cheese with specific bacteria and/or fungi, under very specific environmental conditions, within very specific timeframes, in a sanitary environment, and you end up with different varieties of cheese.

Some of those fungi used to give specific kinds of cheeses their characteristics are actually species of mold. The cheese is not mold, and its not wild mold bullshit from the air that turn green. It's from pure sources.

For example, the mold Penicillium candidum is what is used to make the rind of camembert and brie. And in my experience, this specific mold protects the cheese from succumbing to other mold species as fast as a cheese like cheddar. Fungi like to compete, some compete in positive ways for our needs.

Other specific Penicillium and lactic acid bacteria are present in cheeses like blue and gorgonzola.

Now there's another enzymatic effect that occurs with the intentionally inocculated cheese. The introduced bacteria and molds create enzymes of their own as they grow on the cheese under the aforementioned specific conditions. The enzymes create the added character of specialty cheeses. Brie gets softened and ripened, gorgonzola gains a complex flavor and softens as it ripens, and so forth. If aged longer, the bacterial and fungal byproducts start creating some of the pungency in some cheeses that are ammonialike in character. Old soft and gooey brie comes to mind, or very aged gorgonzola

These bacteria and molds do not make the cheese dangerous to eat, whereas accidental contamination of molds and bacteria from hands, air, or unclean surfaces, these make the cheese potentially unsafe to eat.

They also cause the cheese to grow mold on its surface, and their microscopic hyphae penetrate the cheese deeper than you can detect based on the gross moldy or greasy discolored spot you see with your naked eye.

Stop calling cheese mold. And if you are doing it on purpose, it's not funny, it's incredibly annoying. If you do it on accident, you got a pass, but stop now, because you know better.

This message brought to you by me hearing somebody on youtube call cheese mold. If you can't tell, it pisses me off. 😂

Lucia, 18 days ago to trans

Can hear my cousins husband chatter with his little kids as they feed and water the pigs a ways off from my camper, through my open window. They all knew me as Deadname.

Anyways, the 6yo is telling dad about how Lucía showed them a garter snake and a blue tailed skink living under a board, and how I told them to look but don't try to catch the lizard because it will easily lose it's tail, and this leaves them vulnerable. I hear them all talking about Lucía and "she", and it's so nice that they are doing this even when I'm not around, not visible or visually within earshot.

#Trans

Lucia, 2 months ago to trans

My mom was visiting me this morning, and when talking to her grandkids, she used he/him sevwral times when referring to me. It felt like a fucking cold handed tiddie twister to me.

I just messaged her to ask if she would please not use he/him. I also said, "I imagine it is hard for you, but I can assure you it's harder for me."

No response yet.

#Trans

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

I don't understand how people love rhubarb so much. Cooked, it tastes like squishy nostalgia and desperation with a squeeze of lemon.