Lucia

Lucia, 3 months ago to trans

Note to lil eggies out there: You can be transgender AND asexual.

You don’t have to take any part in all the a top, bottom, dom, sub, et stuff.

*Sexuality is 💯 valid

#Trans

Lucia, 4 months ago to mentalhealth

The longer I struggle with psychosis in my life, the more uncomfortable I become with people casually throwing around of "psychotic, psycho, psychopath," in contexts that have nothing to do with mental illness. I see it here, I just did minutes ago, and it made me feel gross.

I am psychotic, sometimes, when unwell, but not all the time. Bipolar can have a psychotic component. Psychotic disorders have psychosis as a primary feature. But I'm not a psycho or psychopath. My ex has called me a psycho, which is unfair and cruel.

Psychopathy is a descriptive word for a particular flavor of person with traits falling under a cluster b personality disorder, specifically antisocial personality disorder, aspd. The other flavor is sociopath. Neither psychopath nor sociopath are diagnoses, they both fall under ASPD.

You possibly interact with people who experience psychosis and you don't even know it. I would hazard a guess that people here wouldn't have thought I have a psychotic disorder if I didn't talk about it ad infinitum. Me doing this actually helps with visibility of an often invisible illness, and helps towards destigmatization. I hope.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #SchizoAffective ##Schizophrenia #Psychosis #Bipolar

Lucia, 5 months ago to mentalhealth

PSA FOR PEOPLE WHO TAKE RX MEDS: INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT
(Only in US as far as I know)

If you don't already have good insurance or other assistance, and you have e never heard of GoodRx, please please check it out its absolutely free. It doesn't cover all meds, but it covers all of mine--crazy pills and HRT.

If I didn't have GoodRx I would have just now paid over $700. I wouldn't have been able to get this med. What did i pay? $22. I would soon be spiraling into mania and probably psychosis without this unfairly priced GENERIC medication. GoodRx gives me fair prices that are not completely out of range from what I paid on insurance.

#MentalHealth

Lucia, 5 months ago to trans

It just occurred to me that I'm a monotreme, part of the only mammal branch of the evolutionary tree that is born from an egg.

This thought amuses me.

#Trans

Lucia, 4 months ago to random

Cheese rant.

Stop calling cheese mold. It legit pisses me off when I hear people call cheese mold, and then argue when corrected.

Cheese is made with milk and an enzyme, rennet, from the stomach of ruminants. The enzyme alters the characteristics of the milk. That's the mostly the extent of my basic cheese knowledge.

But take your aged cheese and very intentionally inoculate cheese with specific bacteria and/or fungi, under very specific environmental conditions, within very specific timeframes, in a sanitary environment, and you end up with different varieties of cheese.

Some of those fungi used to give specific kinds of cheeses their characteristics are actually species of mold. The cheese is not mold, and its not wild mold bullshit from the air that turn green. It's from pure sources.

For example, the mold Penicillium candidum is what is used to make the rind of camembert and brie. And in my experience, this specific mold protects the cheese from succumbing to other mold species as fast as a cheese like cheddar. Fungi like to compete, some compete in positive ways for our needs.

Other specific Penicillium and lactic acid bacteria are present in cheeses like blue and gorgonzola.

Now there's another enzymatic effect that occurs with the intentionally inocculated cheese. The introduced bacteria and molds create enzymes of their own as they grow on the cheese under the aforementioned specific conditions. The enzymes create the added character of specialty cheeses. Brie gets softened and ripened, gorgonzola gains a complex flavor and softens as it ripens, and so forth. If aged longer, the bacterial and fungal byproducts start creating some of the pungency in some cheeses that are ammonialike in character. Old soft and gooey brie comes to mind, or very aged gorgonzola

These bacteria and molds do not make the cheese dangerous to eat, whereas accidental contamination of molds and bacteria from hands, air, or unclean surfaces, these make the cheese potentially unsafe to eat.

They also cause the cheese to grow mold on its surface, and their microscopic hyphae penetrate the cheese deeper than you can detect based on the gross moldy or greasy discolored spot you see with your naked eye.

Stop calling cheese mold. And if you are doing it on purpose, it's not funny, it's incredibly annoying. If you do it on accident, you got a pass, but stop now, because you know better.

This message brought to you by me hearing somebody on youtube call cheese mold. If you can't tell, it pisses me off. 😂

Lucia, 3 months ago to random

Frankincense should smell like undead.

Lucia, 3 months ago to random

When Life gives you lemons...

Well, they could have given you nothing at all.

Take that lemon, peel it, and eat it like an orange in front of Life like it was the sweetest shit you ever had. This act of intimidation will make Life think twice about giving you anything ever again.

Lucia, 3 months ago to mentalhealth

One of my most severe and long lasting psychotic episodes was fed and nourished by politics and news. Specifically, it was triggered during the early days of an infamous presidential candidacy.

Every time I see a related post in my feed without a cw, my eyes are initially drawn to it, and then a little bit of anxiety is dropped in into my bucket. I have to actively talk myself through every little drop of anxiety, but the fear is that my bucket will eventually fill up, potentially leading to another episode.

I like to occasionally bring this up because it is important to those of us who are affected by politics.

*This was my response to a post in my feed, but I didn’t want to overwhelm the original poster with all the hashtags so I just copied it here.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Schizoaffective #Schizophrenia #Bipolar #Psychosis

Lucia, 3 months ago to random

Sweetened condensed milk is just honey that cows make.

Lucia, 3 days ago to random

The best thing about Linux is that it guarantees you will never have to wait on phone line for Windows customer support ever again 😂

Just enter your problem in your browser and it has probably already been solved and explained by a bunch of nerds on a forum somewhere who are getting impatient about solving such mundane problems for us less experienced folx.

But... Back before smartphones were invented (unless you count Blackberry) and my problem was no internet connectivity, solving problems was much harder lol.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

I don't understand how people love rhubarb so much. Cooked, it tastes like squishy nostalgia and desperation with a squeeze of lemon.

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

When I was a kid my grandma had a guest room/office decorated with Elvis stuff, including at least one of those black velvet pictures of him. When I asked her who it was, she told me it's her boyfriend.

Well, being a child who takes everything literally, I used to tell other kids that Elvis was my grandma's boyfriend 😂

Lucia, 2 months ago to random

My favorite question on the ssdi function form:

"How well do you handle stress?"

Dissociation, depersonalization, and delusions.

I'd say I'm pretty good with stress.

(Not actually how I answered, but was thinking about it because I am stressed 😂)

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

Somebody please explain, for I am too dumb to understand, what is all the talk of "Windows front door" I keep seeing on my feed?

About as good as I can guess is that some weakness exploit unique to windows has been taken advantage of.

I don't use Windows, so I don't have a dog in the fight, I am just curious.

Lucia, 1 month ago to random

How my cats brain works:

Is this a box or cupboard i can get into yes/no?

No. Moving on.

Is this a box or cupboard I can get into?

No. Moving on.

Is this a box or cupboard i can get into?

Ye... already inside it

*Box here defined as something one can enter that is not a cupboard. This includes baskets, totes, bags, etc. Cupboard here defined as "not a box" and can be opened and closed with a paw. This includes refrigerators, microwaves, pantry, washer/dryer, toilet, etc.

****This is why they have 9 lives.

Lucia, 4 months ago to mentalhealth

It's absolutely fucking wild how what I experience as disability and illness is considered a gift to some other people who have the same thing(s) going on but experience it in a different way. Humans are wild.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness

Lucia, 1 month ago to mentalhealth

Just thinking about how my mom and other family all recognize my mental illness now, because they have mothers, brothers, and sisters with mental illness and same symptoms I have. So, suddenly, it's familiar to them.

But, because it's stigmatized, nobody talks about it (except me who talks about it all the time--I know, big surprise right?). But everybody is caught by surprise with me because I didn't appear to be unwell or something? I'm just that good at masking, right? Why are people surprised? Because mental illness is STIGMATIZED. I knew something was wrong with me, but was not safe in my marriage to talk about it and was afraid to seek a proper diagnosis. I started telling my therapist "I think I'm schizophrenic like my grandma" 8 years ago. And I've been chasing a diagnosis to fit me the whole time. Except that any time psychosis comes into the picture, I lied to myself and others because... Stigma. I didn't actually want to be perceived as "crazy" and/or dangerous. I'm not dangerous, I can say that much for certainty.

We need more destigmatization. I know for safety reasons some people just can't. I don't know of many people who talk about it as much as I do, but would be great if more did.

Specifically my dad, two grandmas, and a first cousin, all have/had significant symptoms and diagnoses related to/same as mine, and nobody liked to talk about it. Had they done so, I might have recognized myself, might have gotten help sooner. Keeping secrets did me no favors. My mom said her mom knew since she was in her 20's, and that cost her a marriage, because if my grandpa would have known that her disordered and erratic behavior was mental illness, he would have stayed with her. It was a decades old secret.

I'm going to yell about it until I'm purple in the face, but at least y'all know some of the reasons why by now. And if you have these diagnoses, your children stand a chance of inheriting it, if the environmental triggers come into play, that chance is increased. This is why I WILL eventually talk to my ex and kids about it. It's that important.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Schizoaffective #Schizophrenia #Bipolar #Psychosis

Lucia, 2 months ago to mentalhealth

Remembering I held a $70k/year salary job for 13 years, and now I probably couldn't show up reliably to a 10 hour /week job. And I haven't had an income for 7 months. It's also incredible considering:

I'm autistic.
I have cptsd
I have schizoaffective
I have generalized anxiety disorder
And let's toss transgender in there too

This is to say that I am a walking talking unemployment statistic.

How did I pull it off all these years? Well, I didn't really. My brain is dying from mental illness and near constant spoon depletion. But did I have a choice to work? No. It was painful nearly every day I've worked.

#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Schizophrenia #Schizoaffective #Anxiety #Trans

Lucia, 4 months ago to photography

Hey, I saw your really beautiful picture, or the really cute animal, or that funny af meme, but I couldn't find the alt text...

As much as I like your content, I can't share it if there's no descriprive and relevant alt text (Occasional one might slip through now and again on accident)

#Photography #Meme

Lucia, 3 months ago to trans

Notes on A Bra That Fits bra size calculator and illusory boobs:

I've just spent well over an hour trying on different bra brands, types, and sizes to test the bra size calculator (some anxiety coping). About 25 different bras. My boobs are an illusion and breast volume is clearly actual wizardry. Your boobs might be an illusion too, but they are definitely magical.

I've never worn a regular bra, I've been wearing bralets for over a year. But I have used the above mentioned calculator a lot, just for funsies. Also, I've never believed the results because my boobs look small, and the calculator gives a result 2 cup sizes larger than what I would "eyball* them to be.

I also wanted to test the calculator for other people who might be confused about the calculator results or whatever.

The calculator says my size is a 34D or sister size 36C. I tried both sizes as well as 38B because I was convinced my boobs were B cups.

I could not fit into a B cup size. I sort of fit a couple the 36C. But in every case the 34D was the right size and perfect fit for me across all the brands and styles.

It's all wizardry. The volume stuff and the interplay between cup and band size. How the heck am I filling a D cup bra? Wizardry and illusion. Really it's more likely that most of us don't actually understand boob math, and it's not simple like saying a boob is "small, medium, large," based on just looking at it.

I don't know if my results accuracy would compare to other people using the calculator, but somehow it perfectly calculated size for me.

Link below if you wanna look at yer own boob size.

https://www.abrathatfits.org/calculator.php

#Trans

Lucia, 3 months ago to random

The biggest frying pan in my house lol. It's actually a disco/discada (discada is the cooking style using the disco but people seem to use it interchangeably for the name of the implement) which is made from a steel plow disc.

*Not really using it indoors right now. Was cleaning up some surface rust on other side, from sitting in the barn, so I can put it away with the other steel and cast cooking implements indoors. It hasn't been used yet, so the entire surface is not seasoned. The company that makes it seems to only season the bottom before shipping.

I believe it is about 26 inches across. I also have a "smaller" one that is like 22 inches across with no lip welded on. I have a large outdoor single propane burner that this thing nestles into.

It's a super versatile cooking tool, and I've come to learn that many different countries and cultures have their own original cooking implements utilizing a plow disc or something similar.

Lucia, 4 months ago to random

I knew I was killing nearly all engagement with my account when I decided to continue to speak openly about my mental illness. I absolutely don't blame people though, it's probably very uncomfortable to read for a variety of reasons, possibly triggering when I speak of specific experiences.

I'm committed though to continue sharing frank accounts of my lived experience for a few reasons. For one, destigmatizing mental illness. This helps us all.

Then there's there is the fact that like 1 out of 100 people who see my cw on mental health will open it, read it, and relate in some way. This goes a long way towards feeling less alone, both for me and perhaps another struggling soul out there.

That leads me to the last thing that came to my mind:

Writing the shit down helps me solidify it as a real experience, not an imagined one.

If a major episode begins to evaporate into doubt, I spiral deeper because I don't know what happened and what didn't, what I felt or what I made up after the fact.

It always seem to come down to cognitive dissonance and the profound impact it has on me without anything for me to anchor to.

Anyways, yeah, this is how you destroy account engagement lol.

For anybody who cares, I don't post much on my chaosfem account, but I don't plan on ever posting specific and heavy mental health stuff on that account. Eventually I'll post creative stuff there. Account is in my bio if interested.

Lucia, 17 days ago to random

A pickle is literally an embalmed cucumber. Little veggie corpses.

TheOtterDragon, 4 months ago to random

"Lithops is both a singular and a plural, so don’t go searching for a Lithop if you want one."
This precision made my day 😹​

KrissyKat, 2 months ago to trans

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