@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social
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brainpilgrim

@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social

Always of two minds. Autist/ADHD

black sneakers on surreal road in swirly landscape avatar, header of a tuxedo kitten staring into the depths of a water jug on a desk by a window

"Dream of Things That Have Never Been But Someday Will Be" is a lyric from a Mekons song.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

brainpilgrim, to animals
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NEW POST! How to Fall in Love at the Cat Shelter - Help Choosing at Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/fall-in-love-at-the-cat-shelter/67105

We can fall in love at the cat shelter. We should.

That's where the fun starts. But it can make us a bit uncertain, if we aren't sure how to get started.

brainpilgrim, to animals
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At Long Last, Love for this cat odd couple. - Friends at Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/at-long-last-love/71738

Here is the first time Tristan let Bud sleep with his forehead pressed against the base of his tail. This has been what I've hoped for since we adopted Bud and Lou, in the fall of 2019.
#CatsOfMastodon #CatsOfTheFediverse #Catstodon #CatLovers #CatAppreciators #BudBudTheSpud

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Teen cat Bud Abbott. Might be his first selfie.

Which still worries him. He thinks I want him to do something. He doesn't know what.

But he is eager to please.

brainpilgrim, to animals
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NEW POST! Old Cat, New Tricks is a good way to handle seniors. - Cat Care at Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/old-cat-new-tricks/78022

I love offering my older cats intellectual puzzles.

All that lying around is concealing how much time they spend thinking.

brainpilgrim, to animals
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NEW POST! Take It Easy Training because cats don't obey. They cooperate. - Way of Cats https://buff.ly/4aB3npp

I don’t worry about how I’m going to get the cat to do something they don’t want to do.

Since this will never happen.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Learning the Ropes - Way of Cats https://buff.ly/3Uf1sRA

How can we win over the shelter cat we’ve brought home? We demonstrate how things work.

GottaLaff, to legal
@GottaLaff@mastodon.social avatar

1/…🧵

Let’s start with this, via @darthstar, because NY has laws that govern . I heard the Legals on TV say the same thing as Sean here:

https://mastodon.online/@darthstar/112320741962522803

brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@GottaLaff If the judge uses the word "silly" it's not good.

pathfinder, to Autism
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

I have often said, and largely it's true, that I'm fairly open about being autistic. There are a number of reasons for this, but mostly it's because I feel that it's important to be as open as I can be. That by doing so I am hopefully opening people's eyes to the fact that autistic's can be anyone, the bloke they stand next to in the pub, the one they work with, the person they've known for so many years. That we can be any age and anyone.

But, to put this in some context. I live in a smallish town and have done so all my life. For various reasons I am quite well known. I am also male, and single and old enough and secure enough in my life not to give a damn any more. So the risks for me being this open aren't the same as they would be for others. A fact and privilege I am very aware of. I have also masked in a way that, I think, is possibly different from others. I found a way to be essentially myself. To highlight the aspects of myself that were acceptable and submerge the elements that weren't. In other words, I didn't really try and hide the weird, only the true depth of it. So the leap from "it's Kevin" to "it's Kevin and he's autistic" doesn't appear to have been that great for a lot of people.

Having said this, though, it is still not easy. Dropping the mask is hard when you're not sure what is actually mask and what isn't. The internal masking, the ways I learnt to hide so much from myself, is perhaps the easiest, if not the most painless. But the external mask still has so many elements and not all of them are easy to forgo, or even possibly be part of a forged mask any more anyway. Maintain a way of being and doing something for over 5 decades and really where's the difference between you and it?

Much has been said though, about the effort of maintaining a mask over a long period of time. The effects it can have on us. The way the drain of it is more and more likely to lead to burnout. The way that restricting our natural movements and behaviour is harmful, especially in the long run and to our mental health. And I certainly don't argue with any of this. I can feel that strain, the cost of it for me. I also can't help thinking about how much of my aches and pains, the injuries I carry, the growing infirmities, aren't just age related, but caused by how much I've stifled and restrained my body from moving naturally over the decades and the cost of that.

But, as much as this is motivating and helping me to learn to unmask, there is, of course, the other side of the coin. I didn't learn to mask on a whim, it wasn't for laughs and giggles. I was the outlier, the strange, voiceless kid, who came within a hair's breadth of being institutionalised. I was the one who had to learn how to fit in and above all be safe. For that is what masking allowed me to do, at least as much as it could. And this, for those of us who are older, is perhaps one of the major problems with trying to unmask. It's very possible that one of the very reasons that allowed us to live so long without realising we were autistic, was that our masks worked too well. Not just in hiding us, but in allowing us to fit in, in so many ways, if not obviously in all.

And certainly for me there is a deep functionality in the way that I mask. It allows me to behave and to communicate with others in ways that they are comfortable with and understand. Not so much with set scripts, but more a menu of available options, of both body language and speech, that have proved to be viable and effective. It has allowed me to exist in their world and even though I'm essentially a foreigner to it, in ways that don't make that so obvious. But start dropping the mask and that illusion is quickly shattered and then it becomes a lottery how people react. Confusion, rejection, aggression, hate and dismissal. All of these I have experienced and even trying to explain that I am autistic, rarely makes matters better. In fact, it's more likely to make them double down on the necessity for me to do it their way.

For that is what mostly happens. Try not to speak and they insist that I do so. Be too weird in my movements and the most random of strangers will suddenly be up in my face over it. Try to be myself and have to watch the reactions and atmosphere change. Because the simple fact is that most people don't like having to do any of the work or put in any of the effort required to bridge divides, especially if they know, or suspect, that you are more than able to make it so that they don't have to. It will always be up to us, for so many of them. I'm not saying that this makes them bad people, although some of them are, just human and with perhaps too much on their plates already. Extra effort is sometimes hard to justify or find for a lot of people

But all of this simply makes unmasking even more difficult for me. It's hard and not always practical to forgo the functionality of it. And also the safety of it, the reasons why I began to do it so long ago. That difference is still so often a target for so many people, not something to be understood, but attacked and taken advantage off and age doesn't make any difference to that. Even as an older white male, I have to take that into account. The fact that unmasking simply isn't always safe, in so many places and ways.

So will I ever manage it? Will I ever reach the point of being truly open and maskless? The way I want to be. Given my age and how much of it is ingrained and, by now, a part of me. How much safer and easier it can simply make my life, I have to admit that I'm not sure. Let's just say that it's still a work in progress and a hope as much as a dream.


brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Early in adulthood I moved to a different US state and suddenly I wasn't too tall, I was showgirl height. My ability to state what I wanted was catnip to guys. Swan style transformation though I didn't change a bit.

Still didn't know I was autistic until I became sick from Burnout. I still don't know for certain... what's me and what's Mask?

But I think I know myself in a way that is rare among the population. I KNOW what I like.

brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

"In other words, I didn't really try and hide the weird, only the true depth of it."

This is how I Mask. I think. I was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

This was the best I could do because being shy and quiet came naturally, but at puberty I was constantly told of my unsuitability as a woman because I failed Southern Bell training.

brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@pathfinder @EVDHmn @actuallyautistic

Taking a self test and my first thought was, "This explains so much."

I'm not upset about being not normal. That's "average" and I have been assured --constantly -- that I fit no known norms of behavior, growing up.

Intelligent women in small Southern US towns are never welcome. On top of that, I completely failed Southern Belle.

Had no interest and you can't make me care!

You see what I mean? 🤣

brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

I didn't get my Most Stubborn Child award without practicing a lot🤣

brainpilgrim, to animals
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Do cats care about people? Deeply underestimated. - Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/do-cats-care-about-people/61798

If there is one question people creep up and ask furtively, it is this one.

Unless, of course, we live with them. Which leads to being loved by them.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Dear Pammy, Do cats have autism? - Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/dear-pammy-do-cats-have-autism/37242

"I’m taking a course about art and autism. This post in so many ways describes my school kids as well as my cats… copy and paste and give credit to you."

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Who is my bright-bright boy? Check the arrows for the pull ring Bud just let go of.

On first meeting he figured out how to make the toy vibrate.

That's my Bud-Bud 💖

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Here's one of our highly trained technicians, assessing the constantly changing nature of the best sleeping places.

Working with three textures at once. What a pro.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

As a teen cat, Tristan loved to fall asleep with his face in my high tops.

He missed me when I was out there, wearing them.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

I don't know why Tristan's stacked paws indicate relaxation, but they do.

This is part of his CatSpeak.

brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@thepoliticalcat This is what Tristan does!

I like it.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

NEW POST! Love at First Sight can certainly happen. But, follow up. - Choosing at Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/love-at-first-sight/77020

The second thing I knew about Rhiannon was that she was a Tortie. The first thing was that she was very determined for one so young.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Lou Costello could not resist "playing god" in the hit comedy, Uncommon Sense.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Morgen Le Faye makes a graceful exit during a video.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Lou is our second-most serious cat.

But he is young and I sense potential.

brainpilgrim, to animals
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

Barn Cat Heritage - Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/barn-cat-heritage/71876

Barn cat heritage is all over the map. But they are still a domestic cat, living in shared space with people. This means their socialization can be all over the map, too.

brainpilgrim, to animals
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NEW POST! Feral Recovery can be fast or slow, but steady is the goal. - Way of Cats https://www.wayofcats.com/blog/feral-recovery/76282

Bud goes through a trust cycle every one of our mornings. When I'm away, sleeping, he prowls the night. And gets in touch with his roots.

btaroli, (edited ) to random
@btaroli@federate.social avatar

I can see that the , who suggested exercises would address , has sent me a messsge, presumably in response to my rather irritated missive after that first session. I find myself unmotivated to read it. Warranted? Unsure. I just feel I need someone who sees and hears me, and doesn’t outright suggest it’s a fever dream.

brainpilgrim,
@brainpilgrim@mastodon.social avatar

@btaroli

in case it helps, I was in therapy for months with an issue about procrastination, which turned out to be about my being parentified as a child. That was useful because I was focused on something which is experienced the same by NT and NDs.

But if you don’t have an issue like that, which is focused and restricted, they will not understand at all. This therapist acted uneasy when I self-diagnosed as autistic. Haven't found one since.

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