snarkysteff

snarkysteff, 3 months ago to random

“How large is it?”

“Well, sir, I’ll put it to you in relatable terms — it has the girth of 64 Canadian geese.”

“THAT BIG?”

“Indeed. Perhaps — I say this cautiously — as many as 68.”

“Alert the media.”

snarkysteff, 7 months ago to random

Hi guys. OOF.

I had the housesit from hell in Vancouver, and cut it 9 days short. I’m back at home.

A HOUSESITTER is not a CLEANER.

Clean your fucking house if you want your housesitter to fulfill the commitment.

Had I’d not had a week of plans, I’d have fucking left immediately. Instead, I borrowed a Dyson and made it liveable for 5 days, then bailed after all my appointments.

Some people need to get a reality check about what a clean house is. Holy fuck, man.

I was so glad to get home!

snarkysteff, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago) to random

A complete stranger took my Kitchenaid mixer home, fixed it, & delivered it back to me, all for a $20 tube of degreaser and some thanks.

Repair Cafes are amazing, & they're all around the world — look in your community for RepairCafe.org by you for things you can't fix.

I'm so thrilled. It was a gift from my stepmom & my brother did an idiotic job of packing it when he shipped it to me, which broke shit.

Dude not only repaired things, but fabricated a new knob for me.

Most humans are good.

snarkysteff, 1 month ago to random

If YOU want to buy ESTABLISHED PLANTS so you have a plug-&-play garden with less of a learning curve, then go you!

You buy that shit, man! Plant those plants!

Insta-food-garden? Fuck, yeah!

Don't you let ANYONE shame you for taking shortcuts that get you planting & growing your food. However you get that hobby started, let it empower you!

These "plant seeds, not seedlings" people are HARMING the grow-your-own-food culture.

Whatever gets you gardening is a beautiful thing. Just grow it.

snarkysteff, 16 days ago to random

So, I had surgery.

All those food issues I’ve increasingly suffered over the last 3-4 years now appear to be the result of a bowel blockage caused by surgical scar tissue that has formed since 2017.

I nearly waited too long to investigate & I am so grateful my surgeon pressured me to let him do surgery.

He operated laparoscopically and WAS DONE IN 45 MINUTES.

I lost 120 pounds trying to solve food-related issues, but if I had not, this quick surgery could not have been possible.

snarkysteff, 8 months ago to random

If you’re still ignorantly pushing the idea that Jack Dorsey “owns” Bluesky when he was just a founding investor, you should know he HATES it so much he has deleted his account there.

He invested. It went a different way than he wanted. He left. That’s the story.

Stop making shit up. MEANWHILE, he still has a Twitter account. Bluesky may be the Wild West, but it’s not putting up with pro-vax buddies of RFK, which is why Jack got ostracized way back in April on Bluesky.

snarkysteff, 4 months ago to cooking

I made tostadas again. This whole gluten/dairy-free thing might work out okay with awesome tostadas like this as a fallback.

Base: Spicy avocado/tomatillo mash, then spiced beef, cabbage, pico de gallo, and tomatillo salsa. Homemade tortillas I just crisped up with some oil in the oven on a tray.

I honestly think the crunch of the tostada makes you go I AM BEHAVING BADLY even though this is an incredibly healthy meal with just 2 tablespoons beef on each. #cooking #food

snarkysteff, 5 months ago to random

Turned down a job today despite looking for one for so long. It’s been 6 weeks invested, emotionally.

I felt it would be detrimental to my mental & physical health. Bad hours, crammed office, in-office full time, & no guarantee of renewal after 6 months, plus if I was, it’d likely be for highly erratic hours anywhere from 3:30am to midnight, 7 days a week.

The money is good.

The price is not.

So I said no. Here’s hoping there’s a better option around the corner.

And here’s to boundaries.

snarkysteff, 8 months ago to food

I made the ricotta, I made the pasta dough, and I grew the basil.

Ricotta, basil, & cracked pepper ravioli with a rustic tomato basil sauce. Cucina povera — peasant food in the truest sense. I simmered discarded basil stems in the sauce with the end of a parmesan rind and some garlic, and the ricotta was made from milk past the sell-by date.

But it’s delicious. And I’m proud! I don’t make ravioli often. I’m getting better at it. Sundays, you know? #food #cooking #pasta

snarkysteff, 8 months ago to cooking

Making some Greek yogurt. I’ve increased my fat content. I now use 3:1 of 3.25% fat homo milk, and 18% fat table cream.

It’s pretty dang good. True full fat (11%) Greek yogurt would be 2 litres of whole milk and 1 litre of 33% whipping cream.

I may try that sometime. I’ve done 2.5 litres of whole milk and 750ml of the 18%. I think it’s about 6% or so fat? Not bad. Nice and creamy. It’s a start. :) #cooking

I don’t feel guilty about fat in yogurt. It & eggs are my biggest protein sources.

snarkysteff, 6 months ago (edited 6 months ago) to sourdough

I have to report two significant improvements to my pizza!

1. I now remove the parchment paper after about 4-5 minutes — it makes a big difference to the colour and crunch on the crust. (I bake directly on a pizza steel preheated to 550° F for 45 min or so.)

2. I now make tomato sauce with Mutti crushed tomatoes, and STRAIN it over a bowl for 15 min or so before I top the pizza. This stops the “orange soupy sauce” form when cheese melts. Much better!

(Italian sausage #sourdough #pizza.)

snarkysteff, 8 months ago to cooking

An attempt at pizza al uovo, I think it is, or pizza with an egg.

Tomato sauce, sausage balls, mozzarella, a bit of onions, and the egg. #cooking #pizza #sourdough

Two slices of same pizza but with fresh basil on top

snarkysteff, 1 month ago to random

From my walk tonight.

Somewhere, there’s an HOA that thinks this house would look better with a grass-covered yard. (Idiots.)

snarkysteff, 3 months ago (edited 3 months ago) to food

So I says, “self, what would it be like if I mashed up some birria beef tacos with huevo rancheros?”

So “huevos birriancheros” were born!

(GF) flour tortillas, a layer of spicy pinto beans, then the top layer has birria sauce & beef.

I was GONNA make it a Benny but talked myself down to a 3rd egg.

I threw some birria sauce in the skillet before I cracked the eggs, so they cooked with a bit of flavour too. Homemade salsa & mashed avocado complete me — I mean, complete the dish. #food

snarkysteff, 7 months ago to random

I just learned that there is a serious group of people here who believe posts with “eye contact” need a content warning, and I just can’t even.

I mean.

snarkysteff, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago) to random

This post got a lot of buzz yesterday.

If you are new to gardening & have a small space, I highly recommend “grow bags” — they come in a variety of sizes. I use 5-gallon bags for herbs like oregano, thyme, etc, because they can grow abundantly.

For tomatoes, I use 10-gallon bags.

The herb and the bag are about $6, plus soil. My herbs have been performing well since 2021, so that’s a pretty great investment.

Get good quality soil, it helps!

From: @snarkysteff
https://mastodon.online/@snarkysteff/112214578766784020

snarkysteff, 4 months ago to random

If you’re on the west coast, you should be winterizing all your hoses, etc, today, because the new temperature forecast for next weekend is harrowingly cold.

This is the map from my buddy in the Canadian Coast Guard. It might be -15 in Victoria by the weekend — as well as Seattle, Vancouver, etc. and the snow is coming too.

Get ready today.

snarkysteff, 6 months ago to food

This is what happens when you smoke a joint before spatchcocking your chicken.

We’ll see how it goes. (It’s supposed to be done along the backbone but I plunged the knife into its breast bone and realized as I was making the fatal flaw but I had to continue at that point.)

It’s brined well and that should make it tasty anyhow. #food #cooking

snarkysteff, 4 months ago to random

In 2009, I was caught returning to Vancouver from Surrey by transit when rapid snowfall stopped ALL transit.

After FIVE HOURS of trying to get home, dude in an SUV picked up 6 of us strangers & drove us all home FREE -- he was originally from Morocco, a chef named Mohammed.

It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me -- I remember buses jackknifed every 100m for 2 KM on Oak street, we drove by 'em all, & he dropped each of us at our doors. Took another hour, but we were warm.

snarkysteff, 3 months ago to random

I will never understand neckbeards. I have never seen it look good on anyone.

Proper beards, goatees, moustaches, soul patches — all good.

Neckbeard? No one can pull it off. Not even some Amish dude named Jedidiah.

snarkysteff, 3 months ago to random

Making a little Thai spicy peanut base sauce tonight and I'm pretty stoked about it. Huzzah. Bring on the peanutty goodness.

snarkysteff, 7 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to random

I used Moroccan spice ras el hanout, cumin, and turmeric for the seasoning in this and it’s quite yummy.

The whole thing was a “what can I do with the surplus tomato juice I have from making salsa with canned tomatoes?” attempt to reduce food waste, and I had an 8lb bag of chickpeas to start using, so I’ve mixed soup base into a can of cherry tomatoes and 3 cups of “tomato juice” from whole tomato cans.

So pleased with how it’s going.

From: @snarkysteff
https://mastodon.online/@snarkysteff/111235545376454355

snarkysteff, 2 months ago to food

Feeling like I defy physics after successfully making gluten-free ciabatta (the Loopy Whisk recipe) and gluten-free chicken schnitzel.

This was dinner.

I did the schnitzel with a Mexican spice rub in all the dredging, and then the sandwich has chipotle mayo and lettuce, tomato, and avocado. That’s it.

#food #glutenfree

Six rustic small ciabatta buns on a cooling rack

snarkysteff, 1 month ago to food

Learned a new trick that's apparently an ancient Mexican trick for cooking tamales:

Put river rocks in the steaming water.

This way, as your tamales (or whatever) steams, the clattering of the rocks tells you there's still enough water for the job.

When the rocks stop rattling, you've run out of water and things will burn soon.

I know I'll be throwing some rocks in the dishwasher for this little hack!

#food

snarkysteff, 7 months ago to cooking

You know vinegar + milk = buttermilk in a pinch?

But I just made a big batch of pickled HOT peppers & thought “hey, let’s make SPICY buttermilk” & make biscuits.

Well, 2 tablespoons of hot pepper pickle brine, 220 ml milk = 1 cup of “buttermilk.”

If it’s not quite curdled enough — depends on your brine — add a splash of white vinegar.

But if it’s hot enough, you should get a spicy note all through whatever you’re baking.

I made cheddar & chive biscuits. So good!
#cooking #food

Hot pickled peppers in brine in a jar next to a cup of milk in a measuring cup