Something my wife once told me that really stuck with was;
Your job is just how you afford to pay for the things you like to do.
And that really helped me to reframe how I view my working life.
At the time I was a welder, earning reasonable, but not mind-blowing money, doing a job that I never really liked. I hated coming home filthy every night, I hated sweating my arse off during the warm months, freezing it off when it was cold, because you can't carry out my line of work in an air conditioned office. After she told me that, it helped me to look at my work life from a different angle, which bizarrely had the effect of chilling me the fuck out, to the point that, while I didn't love what I was doing, I came to accept that I was good at it. And if I didn't like it, I had the power to find a job doing something else. Hell, I could stack shelves at a supermarket for only a little less than I was earning at the time.
Then I got promoted into the office, because that mindset change apparently made me a more reliable worker.
I've been with this company for five years now, and have managed to wiggle into a space where my job is neither one thing nor another. One day I'll be devising training plans for the guys on the shop floor, the next I'm creating valuable documentation that they need, then I'm helping out the Health & Safety manager with audits. And while I don't love working here, I've finally got to a place where I can see a future where I'm not in my 60s, clambering about under rusty old railway wagons, welding up cracks, fucking my back and knees.
i love this advice, jobs just pay for me to live the life close to how i wanna live. i understand that getting a job i actually like is slim to none in this world, i just ask that its bearable. i agree totally with your advice, i think i could do okay in such a situation if i kept taking my medication and it paid good enough to support myself (which jobs dont seem to do anymore). my main issue then is,, which do i go for? i truly have 0 clue what direction to point in at this point in time. i love art and creation but i refuse to pursue something so unstable. that leaves the options for 'careers that get you by' wiiiide open. i also dont wanna be in school forever. soo much to consider, but im rambling now lol. thanks for your advice, it struck a cord with me 💜
Is there any class in school you’ve done that’s been sustainable for you? If you feel like coding/art is more like a hobby and you don’t want to be stuck doing it forever, maybe there’s something else out there for you that you’d feel content working on a little every day.
If you’re worried about coding as a job from competitiveness though, I think don’t worry too much about it. It’ll work out if you just try your best. Even you doing coding for fun is pretty cool :o
I'm glad you were able to take something from my comment.
If I might suggest; perhaps you're overthinking somewhat? Think about where your skills lie, and think about what that enables you to do, then approach a job that makes the most of you at this moment in time.
That job might only see you through the next six months, but the experience you gain from it will carry you into wherever you go next. And so on, and so on... And that's fine. We tend to strive for a career because we've been trained to see that as the most profitable way of being, an attempt to set in stone the next 40/50 years of our lives in as predictable way as possible. And that worked fine for our parents and grandparents, but isn't necessarily the case now.
So whatever you're doing a year from now might not be what you're doing in five years. But as long as your bills are paid, and you're able to live in this world, then that's ok.
For me is when I'm talking with someone and my mind starts to wander away, then I realize I have no clue what they just said. This is really problematic at work where I have to write down every single thing my boss says to me, otherwise sometimes I don't even know what task I have been assigned.
It's very frustrating with my wife too but at least she understands better what's going on with me.
I saw a video once with an expert on the subject who said that ADHD is misnamed, it should be called Intention Deficit Disorder, because the real main side effect is that all of the things that you intend to do are made difficult to impossible because of a variety of factors that affect your executive function.
That was quite likely Dr. Russell Barkley you saw.
Just the first 56 seconds of this video (by one of the foremost researchers) explains 100% of what the problem with adhd is. Symptomatically, adhd isn't even named for what it does to a person. Instead it's named for how it inconveniences others. Gee, thanks! I bet it was the same person who named the speech impediment "lisp". Jerk. 😅
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to do (X). I’ll get right on that!”
I will not get right on that. No matter how sincere I am when I tell you that I will. Unless I am incredibly anxious about it, it’ll drop out of my head and poof into nonexistence the instant this conversation is over.
I ended up watching the whole thing, and then again with my wife. Really solid lecture. I'm now subscribed to his youtube channel and have his book on my kindle, though I've only read a chapter in the last month.
Didn't realize what you posted was just a clip.
Definitely an interesting clip, he's actually a really engaging speaker, I'll give the 3hr bit a shot... while I'm also browsing kbin.
How would you explain green to someone who has no concept of colour? The basic otherness of neurodiversity is simultaneously the defining characteristic, overarching difficulty, and blocker to understanding by neurotypicals. I very much like these ideas on how to make the effect of this affliction relatable to others.
You might also ask them to play this little game (takes 5 mins) about a little adhdinosaur who is really, really trying to do his best. However, as good as this game is, it may be too whimsical for its own good as people might not take it serious. Yes, the idea is to give the player a sense of frustration, but there's not really anything there to make them think deeply about why and how this affects people like us. But at least, the game page links to a "making of" presentation by the author, as well as other games and resources for/by neurodiverse folk.
I'm not diagnosed with any form of neurodivergence (I hesitate to say neurotypical. I just manage any "weirdness" well enough to get by).
I played the dinosaur game for a little while. With the exception of the "notes" suddenly becoming a huge mess, it just feels like "Gaslighting: The Game". I get the frustration, but I agree that it doesn't help me understand ADHD any better.
Gaslighting is actually pretty close in terms of what short term memory issues are like. Except you can never be sure if it's just ADHD brain, or something is actually different.
I was diagnosed with ADHD a little over 10 years ago, and I'm now in a job where I actually feel like my neurodivergence threatens my productivity. I've been dragging my feet finding a doctor and getting another Rx, but I really need to get it done.
No one ever asks me what living with ADHD is like, but I keep picturing that cold open from Malcolm In the Middle where Hal comes home and sees the garage bulb is out. But to replace it, he pulls out the ladder, which he then realizes is wobbly and unsafe. So he goes to the tool drawer in the kitchen to get the screw driver, but realizes the action on the drawer is sticky. So he goes to the pantry in the back of the house to get the WD-40. Meanwhile, now Lois comes home and sees this string of half-started projects strewn about the house and yells to Hal to ask what he's doing, and now he's so perturbed, he yells back in annoyance: "I'm changing the light bulb, what does it look like?!" or something along those lines.
No concept of time. I'll sit down and feel a bit hungry, but not enough to eat yet, so I'll tell myself "oh I'll eat in an hour". Then I'll blink and it's been at least four hours and I didn't notice getting so hungry I'll end up overeating.
For me it’s the seeming like a really forgetful person. I have a good memory about things I’m really interested in or when my meds are working. When I don’t remember something it’s usually because I wasn’t paying enough attention or was off my meds and half paying attention.
What annoys me the most about shit like this is people don't seem to understand how much more important it is that I just START the task, as opposed to doing the task efficiently. Like I don't care if it's not the absolute best way to do it, I just need to do it.
the spark to learn more about this place has been the most motivation ive had in months, it's been somewhat refreshing. definitely an overwhelming amount of information to navigate tho, id say im struggling too.
The issue I’ve always had is that I can’t sleep without noise. Without a show/podcast, my brain just won’t stop…wanting to think? But with something on, it’s like it goes into passive mode and falls asleep. It’s the difference between falling asleep in 15 minutes versus staying awake until 3AM 🤷🏻♀️
The same for me, except it has to be white noise/a fan, something that's bland and blocks out all the things my brain could jump on board with thinking about. Falling asleep in a completely silent room is almost impossible...
Are you me? XD I still have a lot of sleep problems, but I've noticed I can get to sleep a lot sooner if I put on a show or podcast that I've listened to before. If it's new, I'm paying too much attention to it. Otherwise, it's just good vibes into slumberland.
I have been there. More jobs than years on the planet. Dozens of hobbies and interests picked up and put down. Four changes of majors in college. It was frustrating and exhausting.
And then this miraculous thing happened: all of that knowledge and all of those skills coalesced into what I needed to build my own business. Each thing I picked up along the way I needed to learn and had no better way to learn them.
That six weeks of fascination with photography gave me the skills to do my own product photography. Eight weeks of obsession with graphic design made my website beautiful. The two week rabbit hole I went down on light and lighting became the basis of my whole business. Each area of study for the four attempts over 19 years it took to get my degree gives me a huge advantage over my competitors that only understand one subject. Two tax seasons of tax preparation prepared me for handling my own taxes. Retail work gave me the skills in purchasing and planning. Customer service is the single most useful skill set I have ever acquired.
I really could go on, but I am now boring myself. My personal goal for my life was to set up a way to support myself while accepting and accommodating my neurodivergence. It took me a long time to gather all of the knowledge I needed to achieve that, but damn when it all came together it was awesome.
My point is that nothing you are doing, or have done, is a waste. It all adds up. It is all useful. It will all add up into something worthwhile. Hell, you would do really well selling hobbyist stuff. You have familiarity with so many different kinds of hobbies and interests you could assemble an amazing storefront.
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