You can always tell when prolonged exposure to social media has critically damaged a portion of someone's soul by the fact that when they make any statement online there is also an addendum addressing what they know the inevitable misreading or crappy response to that statement will be
"I really like waffles. But if you don't that's fine! And also pancakes are good too - l, look, just JFC let me enjoy waffles, okay, what is morally wrong with that - wait, you know what, don't even tell me, I'm so sorry I asked, please forget I said anything and that I even exist. I'm so sorry. I don't even know why but I'm sorry. Fuck waffles. Or not. I don't even know any more."
Anyone who gets a moderate amount of interaction with their posts online
As my own little addendum because I have been critically damaged by social media too: no, this is not a complaint against "cancel culture" or anyone being held accountable for legitimately crappy things they might say. Read it literally. It is about the fear that even saying you like waffles is going to set someone off.
@AbandonedAmerica I have sometimes phrased this as, "Opinions are dangerous things." Even the most "innocuous" opinion can, as you say, set someone off. Being an opinion writer, as some are for a career, carries substantial personal risk. Not sure I have found a mitigation for this danger, other than to bear it in mind and choose carefully which opinions I state and when. Remaining silent isn't an option either, as some unpopular opinions need to be stated.
@escarpment yep. But it's like you have to play 4D chess beforehand to see all the possible moves that someone could misinterpret your statement with and you always miss at least one
The Mastodon Overlords sent me an e-mail saying they would be kicking me off on May 14th because too many people complained about my comments. I don't swear, no ad homenim attacks and I don't post porno. I don't get it, I can disagree with folks, without complaining about them. I don't get it.
@AbandonedAmerica Similarly, I mentioned someone's videos being good on a subject and generally entertaining, and I added a parenthetical that they hadn't milkshake-ducked themselves as of when I wrote the post.
@Jason844 oh, Mastodon is much better but the tide will turn. And thank you. Smartass responses are funny and most of the time I get them but sometimes I do not and wonder if the person has a real issue or not 😄😕
@AbandonedAmerica Don't agree. I think that Mastodon will stay a more positive thing due to how it is set up. Run into an troll/idiot, don't engage, just block them.
By the way, I've got several real issues! Namely, I'm snarky, facetious, cynical, and sarcastic. 🙃
But that's me, not you! I blame it on being raised on MAD magazine in the 1970s and early 1980s. 😜
@Jason844 I hope you're right. But I've already seen evidence that it is just human nature on social media. Would be very happy to be wrong though. But I can pick out a post by someone who has gone through it a mile away
@roadskater oh, not hash browns. Those are the trash they put on your plate because they don't care about you and want you to end your breakfast on a sad note. Hash browns are an affront to breakfast eaters, sir.
@AbandonedAmerica Only healthy solution is to just tell people who willfully misinterpret and attack you like this to GO AWAY or block if they don't leave you alone. Can't always fully stamp it out, but it's definitely not worth engaging.
I mean don't you realize that some people can't eat waffles?! How DARE you enjoy waffles?
I do wonder how much is due to terrifying lack of critical reading and interpretive skills: ppl are able to understand the written word but lack the ability to understand that anything isn't made either as a statement of fact or as a persona attack, and so interpret it and respond that way.
OTOH, some ppl are performative assholes, frequently b/c that's the only way they can get a response at all.
@AbandonedAmerica And I note that kind of thing is usually directed at other people on the same side of the cultural spectrum - I suspect b/c the other side simply ignores any opposition, so feeling like you can punch and someone will feel it is better than nothing.
@mattblaze it's funny in a not funny way that some of the people replying to this are people I realize really get this on a deep spiritual level. I wish I knew a solution for it 💔
@AbandonedAmerica The misunderstanding gets worse the more nuance there is to the original statement, often resulting in you pre-emptively modifying what you say.
@OutOnTheMoors I've preemptively modified to the point where I just didn't bother posting the original thought. Kind of the ultimate preemptive modification if you think about it 😄
@AbandonedAmerica@OutOnTheMoors
This has now already happened several times to me too: cancelling my original thought cause it won't be worth the hassle....
It needs to be added though, that this kind of preemptive behaviour is usually only practiced by people who actually use their brain before speaking.... 😉
@AbandonedAmerica after a particularly hair raising journey home in one of those dark and rainy nights that soaks not just the world but your very soul I made an observation about the many unlit cyclists I had seen that evening and how this seemed unwise.
That was the day when I realised that there were people who sat monitoring certain words for stranger’s tweets to dogpile.
One of them had to go through 5 years of my tweets just to find something to whatabout me over.
@SnoozyRests oh that's wild, I was not consciously referencing that at all, but I guess I must have read it at some point since I used the same set up. I'm not sure how I feel about my brain doing that without telling me
Tenho pensado no porque disto. E acho que o modelo em si está quebrado. O ser humano é muito diverso em sua história de vida, suas opiniões e interesses. E vc simplesmente jogar uma opinião em 250 caracteres para milhares de pessoas aleatórias vai sempre encontrar discordâncias. Seja forma, conteúdo ou importância. Não estou nem falando dos trolls ou dos robots que tem objetivos em certos tópicos. Estou falando do "gosto de queijo com goiabada". Uma opinião inócua. 1/2
@AbandonedAmerica I take the point. But, in defence of #waffles, they have different characteristics that make them a good alternative. Cooked freshly, they are very crisp. This makes a great base for #Norwegian#Brunost (brown cheese), local jam, and whipped cream. The texture and taste is sublime. #Pancakes vs #Waffles? The obvious answer is both, but probably NOT at the same time. But don't be a hater!
@AbandonedAmerica posts like this make me glad noone follows me or notices what I say.
I can't even imagine the amount of crap mildly popular folks have to deal with on socials. #screamintothevoid
@AbandonedAmerica don’t you know that waffles originate with a Christian service wafer, and thus are an example of Christian-supremacy and religion oppression? People like you are why we don’t live in a utopia!
@gulovsen still have to walk on eggshells though. People are making their way over here who thrive on that and it will never go away. Large reach means large response 😕
I remember riding in the bed of a friend's truck heading to Baton Rouge after Mardis Gras one night we were crazy like that), stopped at the drive thru through at Veterans on the way. My turn to order came up.
@AbandonedAmerica In college I worked retail. There I learned "the masses are asses." Some people would complain that a suitcase full of $100 bills they were gifted was too heavy.
@AbandonedAmerica I have this exact soul damage, but it's from existing in meatspace with undiagnosed autism, and being friends (and family) with allistic rules-lawyers who have to dissect everything I say, usually for being too literal, but sometimes for being not literal enough, etc
I was never popular enough on social media to get much* of this response to my posts, but I've had it in real life so much* I have a hard time* making definitive statements
@AbandonedAmerica it is. thankfully, there are ways to insulate yourself IRL: stop talking to people who do that to you, and only keep friends who don't nitpick everything you say
I've been working on that for, idk exactly, six or seven years, and I have to say that my friend group might be small, but I trust them to stop doing something if I say "hey, that bothers me, please don't"
@AbandonedAmerica same with mailing lists / email, too. I usually preface an answer to a question with something like "in case you find this useful" or similar, because occasionally someone interprets an answer to a question as 'this is the only answer and all others are wrong'
@AbandonedAmerica@whalecoiner the fabric I was using was expensive and not everyone can afford expensive fabric.
Not everyone has the time to sew, I showed no gratitude for having the space to set up a sewing machine, not everyone knows how to sew, and basically I was a horrible person for not acknowledging how privileged I was.
@rosamundi@whalecoiner the BS at the bottom of that type of social media response is that, using that logic, nobody should be allowed to enjoy anything if someone else doesn't have it. In that mindset life is all just hating yourself for every good thing that happens to you because it didn't happen to someone else or hating someone else for having something you don't. I'm sorry you went through that. Shaming people for enjoying things (that don't hurt anyone) is an ugly way to act
@AbandonedAmerica@whalecoiner I kind of hope this person is still on social media and still sees my feed because I'm about to spend a lot of money on a new sewing machine and they might explode 😁
Basically someone will always try and shame you for something (I got it for my supermarket choice the other week), so you may as well shamelessly live your best life and don't try to self-censor.
@rosamundi@whalecoiner yeah, I do feel there are a lot of people who just enjoy the power of making someone else feel crappy for whatever bizarre reason. It has also led me to be mindful that I don't do that to others inadvertently
@theotherbrook yes. Exactly. When they reword something but in a vaguely patronizing way that makes you think they didn't get the original point and think you weren't trying to make it. I know. I am there with you.
@AbandonedAmerica Oh god. The fear of being Percived. The terror when some off-hand post escapes containment and you have to reassure yourself that you're probably not high enough profile to be like that lady who made chili for her neighbors and ended up in the Washington Post over it.
The actual news:
"Once per day, the Torment Nexus chooses at random one of its own followers to be thrown to the wolves. Today's sacrifice is Chili Neighbour."
The Washington Post: headline too long, cut first sentence
There's less of this gotcha game replies on Mastodon, made up for by cryptic responses that may be agreeing or joking with me, but I don't really know what they're saying.
@billyjoebowers oh man those are a whole separate but entirely valid category: do you hate me or are you agreeing with me but in a witty but inscrutable way 😬
@AbandonedAmerica I do this all the time. Especially with stuff like Star wars . I have to put a disclaimer explaining how it's my personal opinion and not an invitation for argument or disagreement
@mattblaze@kissane that sounds good to me! We'll all promise not to judge each other for our breakfast choices or if we order them for dinner beforehand of course
@AbandonedAmerica@hupfen This reminds me of one of Lindsay Ellis's last videos where she said that the other people who helped her write and edit would spend HOURS trying to future-proof potential "ACTUALLY"s and "YEAHbut"s to the point where 1. she could barely produce work anymore and 2. what she did produce had lost a lot of the bite and wit her earlier essays possessed.
Of course she left social media saying "I regret ever trying to stand up for anyone." Well done, everyone.
@AbandonedAmerica@hupfen She left before Twitter became what it is, too. People (mostly WHITE people) were hounding her for saying "Raya the Last Dragon" was too similar to "Avatar the last airbender." The pile-ons were accusing her of hating POC. One white guy even pretended to be a Black woman before he was [quickly] found out.
Again - very few ACTUAL POC were voicing these concerns. It was all white liberals who already hated her looking for a righteous excuse to express it.
@emilyk@hupfen not gonna lie, I have seen a lot of white liberals angrily tone/content policing on behalf of POC for pretty iffy reasons that I suspect are just their own opinions here too.
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