It's like that embarrassing thing where you go to the supermarket and buy a six-pack of large free-range eggs because you want to make a tortilla and when you get home they start hatching and the baby velociraptors eat all the pancetta you were going to add to it and look at you with googly eyes like, "mooom! hungry!" and now you have a kitchen velociraptor infestation and they love you and refuse to move out
@cstross You think that's bad? Wait until the cats teach them how to hunt: start off bringing them injured mice, then taking them out the cat flap to range the nearby gardens & fields devastating the rodent population; then they're too big for the cat flap, & are nesting in the outhouse bringing back hunks of dead sheep and cows to share with their feline packmates.
@v_perjorative@cstross One of our cats, who habitually kills rats, periodically sits on the field dyke staring at the neighbour's cows... Pretty sure he's considering angles. #Ambition
@cstross
And you complain and gripe but six months later there’s pictures of you asleep on the couch with a sixpack of velociloafs snuggled up with you, and they all have collars and names.
@Cuprohastes@cstross not to forget, they won’t be like in Jurassic Park, they’ll be smaller, covered in feathers, possibly in gorgeous colours, and snuggly. Still with murder talons though…
@StrangeNoises@Cuprohastes Basically velociraptors (the real ones) were avian housecat analogues. ("Bite the prey and hang on while kicking to disembowel with talons on hind legs"—where have I seen that hunting method before?)
Alternatively, cats are just velociraptors in fur coats with good PR.
@cstross@Cuprohastes my thoughts exactly. the only unknown is how adept they are at being cute and gaining our affections when they want to. the whole mammalian baby-faced charm thing will have passed them by.
@StrangeNoises@Cuprohastes If you've ever met a sphynx cat, you'll have a gut-deep understanding that under the fur coat, cats are basically evil rat-tailed skin goblins that want to eat you.
@cstross but that's still no reason to just dump them in the middle of the street where they can be run over by a car, or mistake a little human for food. You have to be responsible. At most l, if you don't want the responsibility, you need to take them to your local velodoption institution so that they can find a new home for them. DO THE RIGHT THING!
@Disputatore@cstross
Capture, sterilize, & release! Of course there are risks (I once knew a guy who got castrated by a teenage utahraptor he was trying to coax into a carrier basket), but if you're careful, they're manageable.
@FeralRobots@cstross I'm sorry, I can't condone that. Capture and sterilise? Absolutely. Release? Absolutely not. Velociraptors will form a pack and, before you know it, they'll be stealing armoured cars and robbing banks. We have to live with them, sure, but there's no benefit in being naive.
@cstross in an alternative universe Douglas Adams wrote Game of Thrones and this is basically the plot of the first book. Arthur Dent goes out for a pint of milk and some eggs one morning and by book 5 ends up ruling the world with the help of his miniature dragons.
"Agnes C. Robertson, retired schoolteacher and locally reknowned quilter, never intended to take over the world. That, Agnes felt, was a vocation for younger people without hip problems or hearing aids. She was also, however, a firm and long-time supported of the notion 'waste not, want not', and when life gives you velociraptors... well, you should at least try to steal the crown jewels, shouldn't you?"
@Thebratdragon@cloudedjudge GRRM does not write slowly! It's just that his Game of Thrones books are huuuge and he has about three different writing jobs going on in parallel—Wild Cards, TV adaptation stuff you never get to see because it's not been filmed yet, and so on. Seriously, the GoT books would each take me 2-3 years to write with NO OTHER SIDE-QUESTS.
@Thebratdragon@cloudedjudge At 100K words/year, not 10K! At 10K words/year I'd emit a novel every 12-13 years on average. Over the past decade George has edited a few anthologies and (to my knowledge) pitched a couple of TV shows. Also, by the way, authors are not your bitches: we're not here to perform for you, especially mid-seventies folks in a pandemic.
@Thebratdragon@cloudedjudge Shit happens: there is this one novel I'm under contract for (UK only) that is now 8 years overdue and won't be ready for at least 1-2 years. (Both my parents died, then COVID hit, I got mugged by an attack trilogy along the way, and I got ill with brain fog.) Now, assuming I don't die it will get published—a complete draft exists: it just needs at least one more do-over.
No, ask yourself which of these (or similar) circumstances might apply to George?
@cstross@cloudedjudge how many side projects have you taken on in that period, on top of that book?
Your excuse for him pivoted from, so busy with side jobs he voluntarily added to his work load, to, have sympathy there might be other outside issues. Cake and eat it much....
And I still think the Laundry books went downhill after the loss of the Scary Sorcerer and the putting down the violin. Did like the black concordes though.
@cstross@cloudedjudge no, I haven't read the concurrent ones, and I am behind with Laundry (new management) because my brother used to buy them as they came out, and he, as my last surviving family member died in the middle of the covid lockdowns of esophogeal cancer.....
Oh and such living as I have is as a writer, who after being carer to both parents, support to said brother when his partner had cancer and then carer to him foor 16 months of the pandemic. I might have an inkling.....
@writingslowly@Thebratdragon@cloudedjudge It is a lot to handle! Hence cutting back from two long-running big-ass series to one, and trying to tie off a ten-book story arc ("The Laundry Files") so I can move focus onto new characters and different story lines ("The New Management").
@cstross Once a baby velociraptor imprints on you it’s all over but the shouting. Make room on the couch and learn to love the Nature channel, this is your life now.
@neurovagrant@Pineywoozle@cstross Do not defame velociraptors like that; they make it quite clear that they intend to gut and devour you quickly, as opposed to Tories lying about their intentions of leaving you to a long, lingering death while they feast.
@HighlandLawyer While I know intellectually that the word, Highland, in your online name simply denotes where you’re from… There’s a part of my brain that desperately wants you to have long shaggy hair. 😉 #Nature#Cows#HighlandCoos@neurovagrant@cstross
@Thebratdragon@cstross Yep & if your lucky some poor unsuspecting home invader has good taste in footwear, in your size, Although you never know. Our giant Norwegian Forrest cat recently came crying to the BT because a possum smaller than his head had snuck in and was eating his food. 🤣 You may just have to buy a bigger couch. (My vote to adopt said possum was vetoed. Our couch size sadly remains unchanged) #Cats#Nature
@Pineywoozle@Thebratdragon@cstross I love cats discovering baby animals and being like “I’m a prolific, torturing murderer, but I’m not a monster. Can you take care of this thing?”
@cstross the problem was in the original hypothesis; thinking eggs have any place in a proper tortilla, whether corn or flour, is just wrong. Now eggs combined with other ingredients like fried eggs, onlion, habanero pepper and bacon, wrapped in a freshly made flour tortilla, can make for a very tasty burrito.
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