@MattHatton@aus.social
@MattHatton@aus.social avatar

MattHatton

@MattHatton@aus.social

Fuckable cartoon dog, award-winning baker, one-man think tank and farm dad simulator, amongst other things. Goes by many names.

I am not here to facilitate good life choices. Piss bread.

Would you like to join my professional network on LinkedIn?

You can't blame toilet for your sadness.

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MattHatton, to random
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"Would you recommend the new Microsoft Teams to a friend or colleague, if asked?"

My guys. No one is going around asking their friends or colleagues if they would recommend using the new Microsoft Teams. That is not a conversation that normal people have.

Go outside. Touch some grass. Think about the choices you've made in life that took you this moment.

MattHatton, to random
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"How likely are you to reccommend Microsoft Teams to others?"

My guys. Sweet summer children. Brothers in christ.

NO ONE HAS CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS NOT NOW NOT EVER.

MattHatton, to random
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My dude. My sweet, holy brother in christ.

That question was answered on a night in April over 100 years ago.

MattHatton, to random
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I felt compelled to make this.

MattHatton, to random
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"real estate influencer"

I've never seen a job that more loudly shouted "I should be placed feet-first into a woodchipper without a moment's hesitation"

MattHatton, to random
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Bub, looking me dead in the eye while you hold your arm out and drop your dinner off the high chair is not, at all, a situation covered by the expression “uh oh”.

MattHatton, to random
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Has anyone? Ever?

MattHatton, to random
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Dude on LinkedIn (shutup) with reckons that instead of a piece of public art (albeit not overly great public art, but art nonetheless) should have been replaced with a screen for advertising and mate I am going to push you under a train.

MattHatton, to random
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Rebuilt computer: Hi, we're getting everything ready for you.

Me: Oh, I doubt that.

IT: Why are you so cynical, Matt?

Me: I've been using computers longer than you've been alive. I have earned the right to be deeply cynical about them.

MattHatton, to random
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Jizz Bridge

MattHatton, to random
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What if the rabbit from Donnie Darko fucked Pikachu and took up busking at Circular Quay.

MattHatton, to random
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Our local council has published their submission to the draft EIS for Western Sydney International Airport.

Amongst their recommendations is one that the new airport have the same curfew as Kingsford Smith.

Although, how they've worded it means you could* interpret it a different way.

Which I did. In the comments.

My comment: Recommendation 9. I am absolutely here for Kingsford Smith's curfew being altered to match the proposed one for WSI. Great recommendation. (Spoiler: The draft proposal indicates WSI will not have a curfew. Not having a curfew is still, technically, a "curfew regime". Just saying.)

MattHatton, to random
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Happy iOS update day to all who observe.

MattHatton, to random
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Play School is teaching kids how to podcast and, guys, there are too many podcasts already. We do not need any more. In fact, delete at least three. I am not a crackpot

MattHatton, to random
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“Oh. Mail addressed personally to you,” says the boss. “Must be a bill”

Haha. Nope. Thanks @decryption!

MattHatton, to random
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How to tell, in three words, that you're about to read something that is incredibly stupid.

MattHatton,
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"“Even within the organisation, roles are constantly being redefined, meaning employees can find it difficult to absorb some of the new technologies. It will be a journey in terms of education and realising opportunities for creativity, even with automation and robotics"

No one knows what they should be doing or how they should be doing it because we keep finding new shiny toys to throw at them and demand they get used why is my workforce so inefficient?

MattHatton,
@MattHatton@aus.social avatar

"We find the critical role of technology in supporting
business growth is increasingly being recognised."

I, too, have a computer at work.

MattHatton,
@MattHatton@aus.social avatar

I am howling like a monkey at this.

Right. So. $100m in revenue turned into $20m profit.

20c on the dollar.

Chucking more computer at it raised $1.4m extra revenue and $200,000 profit.

Which is...less than 20c in the dollar.

HOW IS THAT BETTER?

Oh, yes, also it made such a small fraction of a percent difference to the outcome that it could probably also be explained by a simple margin of error comparing surveys.

MattHatton, to random
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I have seen Elon Musk's o-face. So now you have to see Elon Musk's o-face.

MattHatton, to random
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Excellent work, Standards Australia. Absolutely a piece of piss to read this.

MattHatton, to random
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PACKIDGE

MattHatton, to random
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At this time of year? At this time of day? Located entirely within the timeline?

MattHatton, to random
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Right. Time to meander down to the train station.

MattHatton,
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Yes, I call that my personality.

MattHatton,
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A sign of true professionalism is not bothering to find a graphic that doesn’t have the site you copied it off’s watermark on it.

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