BernieDoesIt

@BernieDoesIt@mstdn.social

I just want to stop as much human suffering as possible. I don't think that's too much to ask. #ActuallyAutistic

Profile picture: A much younger Bernie Sanders picking up trash in a public park.

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pathfinder, to Autism
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

I once wrote about how it was not unrealistic, to think that there was no such thing as an un-traumatised autistic. About how so many of us have known bullying and persecution simply for being different. Not even always for what we may have said or done, but often for simply standing out; in all the ways that we didn't even know we were. How just simply being, was so often an excuse to be attacked or punished. That our very existence, even as hard as we tried to mask, whether we knew that was what we were doing or not, was the cause of so much pain.

All the scars we carry from misreading situations. Or from believing in something, or someone, and being burnt as a consequence. All the times we've tried to stand up for ourselves, or as often as not for others, and been dismissed and ridiculed. All the misjudgements and disbelieve and times when our intent and purpose have been seen in the ways that were never, ever, meant. The sheer inability for others to see us as we are, or to judge us accordingly. But, always to seem to want to see the worst and to base everything else on that.

But the more I learn and understand about being autistic. The more I realise that so much of my trauma and the scars that were left, came not just from this overt pain, but from the covert well-meaning of others as well. From my parents and relatives, from friends and teachers. From all the advice and instruction I have received over the years that was meant to shape me in the right way. As a child, to teach me how to grow up, how to behave and act. What was expected and what wasn't. And then, as an adult, how I was supposed to be and how a successful life, with me in it, was supposed to look. All the rules I was supposed to learn, all the codes I was supposed to follow. How to act, how to speak, what to feel, when to feel it. What I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to be.

Not in any unusual way. Not in any way that you weren't supposed to raise a child, well a normal child anyway. That's what makes this so covert. If you were trying to do this to a child knowing that they were autistic, then it's overt abuse. It is ABA, it is infantilising and punishing a child for always failing to become something, that they had no more chance of becoming than a cat has of becoming a dog. But for those of us who didn't know we were autistic. It was simply the constant hammering of the world trying, without even realising it, to fit a round peg into a square hole and all the pain and disappointment that came from their failure to come even close.

For me, what made this worse, was that it wasn't as if I didn't know that I was different, not in my heart, but that I thought that I shouldn't be. That I should be able to learn what I was being taught, that I should be able to follow the guidance. That I wasn't any different really from anyone else and so if I failed to act in the right way, or react the way I should, for that matter, then it was my fault. All the patient sighs and familiar looks, simply became just another reinforcement of my failure. Even being told off for the simplest things, became a reminder that something that I should have been able to do, was beyond me and always for the only reason that ever made any sense; that I was broken, that it was my fault somehow.

Is it any wonder that so much of my life has been about trying to justify myself in the light of this, of trying to become that "good dog". Of judging myself against an impossible standard. A constant lurching from one bad to choice to another, and always because I thought they were the right ones. And for each new failure and inability to even come close, another scar, another reminder of what I wasn't. Further proof that my self-esteem was right to be so low. Of how I was such a failure and a bad person. That I was never going to be a proper son or brother or friend. Because I couldn't even be what I was supposed to be, let alone what I should become.

Looking back, I can't help thinking about how much of my life I spent living this way; of trying not to repeat the sins of my past. Of not repeating the actions or behaviour that led to those past failures and trauma. Of, in fact, all the effort I put in to not being myself. Because that, I realise now, was what I was trying to do. I was that round peg and trying to hammer myself into the square hole. Because everything I had learnt had taught me to think that this was how I had to be. That this was how you grew. And in so many ways, I can't help feeling angry about this. About the wasted years, about the scars I carry that were never my fault. About the way I was brought up, even though none of it was ever meant, but only ever well-meant.


BernieDoesIt,

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Living autistic and trauma-free is an impossible goal, but I feel like I've done a pretty good job of stopping the cycle of traumatization with my children. They've gone through trauma, but a lot less than I had at their ages, and they aren't having PTSD flashbacks, like I did at their ages.

BernieDoesIt,

@glen @pathfinder @Tooden @actuallyautistic The big advantage of being AuDHD is that some of the more painful traits actually cancel each other out.

The big disadvantage of being AuDHD is that some of the traits conflict with each other, the classic example being desiring more structure and order in your life but being completely incapable of creating and keeping that order.

BernieDoesIt,

@glen @pathfinder @Tooden @actuallyautistic Yeah, welcome to the club! Membership benefits include being able to use our awesome hashtag and having a good explanation for why society seems so strange and painful for you.

It looks like you got the deluxe "AuDHD" package, which entitles you to relate to 90% of other autistics' traits and 90% of other ADHD people's traits, but not the same 90%.

ScruffyDux, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I just learned that stimulation of the body's proprioception systems in turn down regulates some aspects of the nervous system that are typically overactive for us.

I also learned proprioception stimulation is something Occupational Therapists prescribe for autistic clients.

Wondering if anyone can share any such exercises or methods an OT has prescribed for them?

Deep muscle & tissue stimulation is the general notion I've gathered so far.

BernieDoesIt,

@Vincarsi @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic Wow, after reading this thread and thinking a bit I've decided that my proprioception is actually pretty accurate and my dyspraxia is entirely because of motor planning issues. I've learned a little bit more about myself.

GottaLaff, to random
@GottaLaff@mastodon.social avatar

👋🏼 O.J. Simpson, who was accused of and ultimately acquitted of the brutal 1994 slayings of his ex-wife and her friend Ron Goldman, [responsible for thei deaths in civil trial] has died, according to his family. He was 76.

"On April 10th, our father, Orenthal James Simpson, succumbed to his battle with cancer.”

https://trib.al/PIpsjxk

BernieDoesIt,

@GottaLaff Charming. 🤮 How did they react?

GottaLaff, to random
@GottaLaff@mastodon.social avatar

The administration has finalized a national standard to limit dangerous 'forever chemicals' found in nearly half of the drinking water in the US -CNN

BernieDoesIt,

@GottaLaff The Trump administration would have made there be a minimum level.

GottaLaff, to random
@GottaLaff@mastodon.social avatar

I'm rich again!

$48 residuals from The Jetsons and Hogan Family! Beats the 12 cents I usually get.

Drinks for everyone, I'm buying!

BernieDoesIt,

@GottaLaff You were on The Jetsons? I didn't know it was possible for your cool factor to go up even higher.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Someone is waiting in the Fediverse to fight with you about some point in history at all times.

BernieDoesIt,

@edgeofeurope @aronow @RickiTarr Ugh, I'm reminded of the thread I read where the guy who occasionally had good points kept on insisting that people who have strongly Nazi-like beliefs aren't technically Nazis and it just derailed the entire thread.

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

If you know, you know.
#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt,

@EVDHmn @JeremyMallin @dyani @actuallyautistic Some microwave manuals have a safety warning that

⚠️ it's dangerous to turn the sound off ⚠️

for some reason. I figure if the beeps are the only thing keeping your microwave from harming you your microwave has bigger problems.

BernieDoesIt,

@JeremyMallin @dyani @actuallyautistic Being able to turn off the sound was a requirement when we bought our microwave, but it ended up not bothering anyone in our household, so we never turned it off. There weren't too many models we looked at that we couldn't find a sound off code online for.

GottaLaff, to Israel
@GottaLaff@mastodon.social avatar

military fires 2 officers as probe blames World Central Kitchen deaths on "mistaken identification"

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/israel-gaza-world-central-kitchen-idf-fires-officers-investigation-blames-mistaken-id/

BernieDoesIt,

@GottaLaff Imagine being involved in the process of trying to decide on who got thrown under the bus for that one.

GottaLaff, to TeslaMotors
@GottaLaff@mastodon.social avatar

#Biden “Takes Aim at #Musk’s SpaceX’s Tax-Free Ride in American Airspace

President Biden wants companies that use American airspace for rocket launches to start paying taxes into a federal fund that finances the work of air traffic controllers.”

Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/04/us/politics/spacex-biden-musk-taxes.html?unlocked_article_code=1.h00.c-DE.Kb-no1tm7Iqj&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

BernieDoesIt,

@Snowshadow @Wileymiller @GottaLaff As far as I can tell, it all boils down to "he wants to hurt the right people." You don't know how disillusioned and depressed it makes me feel to say that.

BernieDoesIt,

@GottaLaff @Wileymiller @Snowshadow But that's always subject to change as more charges get added. 😀

BernieDoesIt,

@Snowshadow @GottaLaff Too bad that's such a low bar and there's so much damage to undo.

BernieDoesIt,

@Snowshadow @GottaLaff This morning I realized that could be interpreted more dismissively than I really meant.

BernieDoesIt,

@Snowshadow @Wileymiller @GottaLaff You're right. It means we have to fight harder.

mattblaze, to random
@mattblaze@federate.social avatar

I just found out X/Twitter unilaterally "verified" my old and dormant account there ("because you're an influential user"), now making me look like I'm an idiot who's voluntarily paying Musk eight bucks or whatever it is a month.

A free gift of defamation.

BernieDoesIt,

@dannotdaniel @mattblaze Impersonators can still ruin your reputation even if they use a platform you don't.

BernieDoesIt, to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic This , take a few minutes to think about how drab NTs report their world is like, then feel sad for them for a bit.

BernieDoesIt,

@actuallyautistic Remember to and donate money to Allism Senses.

Uair, to actuallyautistic
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

"Arguing with authority is like spelunking in a sewer. It's dark, unpleasant, and almost always results in a load of shit coming down on your head."

-Nick Twisp

BernieDoesIt,

@Uair @actuallyautistic @LeftistLawyer But with the proper equipment it can be a lot of fun!

KitOz, to actuallyautistic
@KitOz@c.im avatar

I was noticing that my cat and I seem to share some behaviors, which made me wonder if cats aren't a little bit autistic. Or maybe I'm a little bit cat?

Which gave me the idea to come up with a facetious self-assessment quiz: Are you autistic, or are you a house cat?

Take the quiz to find out!

@actuallyautistic

https://kitozbooks.com/2024/04/autistic-or-a-house-cat/

BernieDoesIt,

@KitOz @actuallyautistic This is the only test I've ever came out as an average human for.

autism101, to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you need routines but actually dislike them at the same time?

image: unknown
@actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt,

@autism101 @actuallyautistic I can satisfy both by having routines with parts that are ad-libbed.

lexx3000, to actuallyautistic German

@actuallyautistic Can someone explain the logic of 'autism speaks' and 'autism parents' going together with the general at least internet assumption of being autistic automatically means your parent is autistic.

BernieDoesIt,

@lexx3000 @tine_schreibt @actuallyautistic This is extra ridiculous because late-dx and early-dx just suffer differently. And it's not even all that differently.

RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

I'm trying to come up with something witty to say about this sign in a Bible Book Store window, but I think it speaks for itself.

BernieDoesIt,

@violetmadder @Mary625 @textualdeviance @CStamp @RickiTarr They make life pretty awesome for the sheep before that part.

This reply has no real point, so don't try to find one.

sundogplanets, to random
@sundogplanets@mastodon.social avatar

Watch this satellite obliterate the Kuiper Belt object moving through this set of images.

The dumb satellite is so bright that our auto-detect software threw out the whole stack, because it destroyed the average brightness.

It pisses me off to no end that my taxpayer-funded telescope time is now less and less effective because of one for-profit private company.

(P.S. software dudes: please don't try to mansplain workarounds, believe me, a LOT of astronomers are working hard on this)

A gif of a Kuiper Belt object slowly moving across a set of images. It just looks like a fuzzy dot. Toward the end of the sequence, there's a super bright diagonal line that covers up the moving dot - that was a satellite.

BernieDoesIt,

@sundogplanets Send them a bill.

BernieDoesIt, to actuallyautistic

That One Direction song, except she doesn't know she's autistic instead. @actuallyautistic

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