@RickiTarr Being told by all of society that starting life losing my mother, father, siblings, extended family, identity, heritage & ancestry was of no consequence & no importance. #adoption#AdopteeVoices
When I was 5 or 6, I asked Santa for a record player. He brought me one from Sears (it had a lid & carrying handle like a little suitcase) & a single record: a 45 of Diana Ross/The Supremes’ Love Child. I laugh every time I think about it. My adoptive mother apparently felt that would be an awesome gift for her illegitimate adopted daughter. 😶😑🫤🤣 #Adoption#AdopteeVoiceshttps://youtu.be/MDZTzEf7Ces?si=L1v6DPaeqi3VGzUr
My adopters starved me, too. & despite the fact that I was CLEARLY malnourished, no one ever tried to help me. Why not? Because society has been taught to believe adopters are saviors & saints. But abusive adoptive parents are not uncommon. That “better life” trope needs to be yeeted into the sun—when you give up your child to #adoption , you’re abandoning them to an utter crapshoot, & if they are eventually neglected, abused, &/or even murdered, it’s unlikely you’ll even know. #AdopteeVoices
Adopters aren’t superior beings, they’re just like everyone else. No more & no less capable of parenting well. They struggle, divorce, lie, cheat, lose their jobs, go broke, etc, etc, etc. They abuse. They rehome. They get sick, they die. Desperately wanting a child doesn’t make someone a good parent. & not all motivations to adopt are selfless—or admirable—or even healthy. #Adoption#AdopteeVoices
Because #adoption pros (& most of society) like to pretend adoptees are “as if born to” our adopters, there is ZERO oversight after an adoption is finalized. ZERO. If the kid you relinquish isn’t lucky enuff to end up w/ decent ppl—or if the folks to whom you entrusted them turn out to be lying sacks of sht, OH WELL. Sucks to be them. They’ll spend their lives being told by all of society how magnanimous & selfless their abusers are & that they’re lucky & should be grateful. #AdopteeVoices
“Republicans force women and girls to give birth to babies from rapists and deny women desperately wanted babies by making IVF effectively impossible.”
And if you understand how the incredibly misogynistic, coercive $21 billion /year #adoption industry works, you’ll understand that these 2 things work together by design. Seamlessly.
I often speak critically about adoption. That means I’m often called angry & bitter. I’ve worked thru a lot in therapy. I’m not bitter, but there’s a lot about adoption that makes me angry. That’s not a negative—nor is challenging the whitewashed industry rhetoric that defines #adoption in our society. It is vital. Not for me, but for young adoptees, bc there are so many who’ve been taught that their confusion, grief, anger, & longing is unacceptable. It’s not only acceptable, it’s REASONABLE. +
The $21 billion /yr adoption industry (& far, far, FAR too many entitled adoptive parents) claims #adoption exists to benefit adoptees—that we are the focus of adoption. That’s not true.
He knows he was unplanned/unexpected. He also knows he was wanted. He knows he's loved. He knows I had reproductive choice & he knows I consciously CHOSE him.
I'm an adoptee. I was unplanned & unexpected. I was unwanted. My mother grew me while hidden away in shame. She gave birth to me & then left me behind in the hospital w/ strangers. She wasn't allowed choice. I was a punishment--a consequence to be suffered. Even tho I didn't know the specifics of my story until about a decade ago, I've +
I've heard that all my life--but somehow that seems to apply only to those who aren't adopted. When it comes to adoptees like me, our hypocritical society's tune spins on a dime, & suddenly, DNA isn't important at all. So I'm going to end #NAAM with my (admittedly provocative) response to society's dismissal of my need to know who the fck I am. #adoption#AdopteeVoices
I have bad news if you've been thinking about adopting. Looks like you just missed the Black Friday baby sales! Yesterday was your last chance to get $500 off your new dishwasher, OOPS, I meant to say "baby"--your new baby! Guess you'll have to wait until next year. #adoption#NAAM#BabiesForSale#BuildYourFamilyWithDiscountBabies#AdopteeVoices
"Because no one discussed the sadness & grief of #adoption with me, I couldn’t name or process it. Instead, it built up in my body making me emotionally & sometimes physically sick."
There are multiple studies from the 40s & 50s that indicate relinquishment/adoption has a negative impact on development--that it's damaging. They've always known. They just didn't care. They still don't. #NAAM#adoption#AdopteeVoices
Please read this #adoption agency's response to my question (posed on Xitter a cpl of yrs ago). You'll notice that in their answer to, "what is a successful adoption," the #adoptee wasn't considered or mentioned. Interesting, no? I've asked that same question of 31 agencies (so far). Never once has a response included the adoptee. Never ONCE. Sooooo very telling.
If you're interested in my thoughts on what makes a successful adoption, continue reading today's #NAAM 🧵. +
No one else. It is an industry--a $21 billion per yr BUSINESS. It convinces (mostly) young, vulnerable, marginalized women to surrender their infants, & it sells (yes, SELLS) those infants to (mostly) privileged adults willing to pay exorbitant amounts of $$$ for them.
Don't believe the fairy tales. Do your research. Dig. Dissect. Learn. LISTEN. /end #NAAM#AdopteeVoices
I have an AI illness, so I have to have bloodwork done regularly. There was always a fake clinic (CPC) in the same strip center as the lab I visit—this past wk, I noticed it’s closed. W00T! I did a happy dance in the parking lot. CPCs are truly contemptible, & I know that from experience. When I was a broke college student, I visited one for a preg test, not knowing +
manage to steal. CPCs should be illegal*—only medical professionals should be allowed to present themselves as medical professionals; only medical clinics should be allowed to present themselves as medical clinics; & no one should EVER be allowed to coerce their patients w/ disinformation. WITH CONTEMPTIBLE LIES. /end #CPCs#AdopteeVoices
*I think CPCs were illegal for a time here in CA, but I believe the prohibition was overturned? I’m not sure—maybe someone w/ more info can weigh in on that.
Ppl looove to say how selfless adoptive parents are, but imo, if you're not willing to care for a child in need unless you get to own him, you're selfISH, not selfLESS. The feds allow a $13.5k per #adoptee tax credit to adopters, but a literal FRACTION of that amount given to an expectant mother in crisis could prevent most relinquishments from happening in the 1st place. Pls think about that the next time someone starts speaking of adopters as saviors. #adoption#NAAM#AdopteeVoices
I have my file. Not only did I come w/ a written return policy, my adopters paid me off in installments. But when I say I was merchandise, I'm ALWAYS faced w/ loudmouths trying to silence me, insisting those were "fees," not "payments." Pls study this price sheet from a contemporary #adoption agency, listing their programs/costs. Not only are they RACIST AF, they don't even try to hide that they're selling infants, & that they're pricing them according to supply/demand. #NAAM#AdopteeVoices
Did you know that adopted ppl attempt suicide at 4 times the rate of the non-adopted? I personally know 3 adoptees who've attempted (& tragically, have succeeded) suicide in the past 2 yrs. We're over-represented in alcohol/substance abuse programs, in prisons, in mental health care programs. There's a substance abuse program in Orange County that saw so many adoptees coming into rehab, they started a special program especially for us. #Adoption legally severs +
Nine years ago today, via DNA testing, I finally identified my father. I have his nose, his smile, his freckles. And from what I’m told, many of his personality traits. Sadly, he had died in 1997, so I’ll never know him. But I’m so glad, so grateful, to know who I am. #Adoption#AdopteeVoices#AdopteeRightsAreHumanRights
It's fun to talk about how much the other site sucks, but amazing things happen in the small communities that have formed there, communities that it takes time to build.
This is why I’m not leaving that site until it becomes literally unusable.