For what sort of toots could I use hashtags like #ActuallyAutistic or the previous two I just used?
I Toot quite a bit about me and my quirky way life. But I never really know if I "should" add any ND hashtags as the "silly" things I Toot about are quite normal to me. If that makes sense 🤔...
I'm proud enough, these days, of who I am. But I wonder if and when it would be good to add some of these tags... Maybe it could help connect with other peeps like me 😇.
I just bought a book “Strong Female Character” by Fern Brady & it’s a good preparation for “#Diversity in Tech” session on Thursday at #RIPE88 : it “ is a story of how being female can get in the way of being autistic and how being autistic gets in the way of being the 'right kind' of woman.” #ActuallyAutistic#feminism#books#Krakow#neurodiversity
Nothing worse than being told you're rude because your answer came out snappy because you're really stressed about traveling. 😤 (I said repeatedly I am stressed because of traveling)
"I understand you're stressed but what's up with the attitude?"
"I am not trying to be rude, I am stressed."
"Well you are."
And if I say autism sometimes shows up like this I will get the ol' "I can't even say something because then you'll bring up autism".
How am I supposed to deal with this?
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Tuesday 21/05/2024
TL:DR Late up today , so was more or less ignored. Clues to whether I’m AuDHD & if I’m going thru a burnout period came to light from fellow ND Peeps.
I had a somewhat enforced lay in this morning, in that I was so exhausted that I simply slept thru all the noise that would usually wake me up.
I finally got up around 07:30. Life obviously went on without me, even though Mrs S. was working from home.
Me: I’m a total introvert & wish to be alone.
Also Me when wife zones me out because I was late to get up: I’m so lonely !!!
Is the mind of an ND bananas or what ! (Possibly some for of nut in my case 🤦♂️ )
I risked a ‘proper’ breakfast this morning - I seem to have survived it 😊
I would normally have cleaned the bathroom today, but because I’m not feeling so good that didn’t happen. I know from past experience it won’t get done until I feel well enough, be that days or even weeks 🙄🤦♂️
I wrote a little while back , when I got the results of my assessment thru , that the Consultant Psychiatrist had suggested that I be assessed for ADHD too. That is currently on hold.
But , & here’s the thing I read a toot ( linked below) from @ashleyspencer that totally spoke to me & I recognised EVERYTHING she was talking about !
Well call me a Squirrel & bounce a walnut off me ‘ed !
I number of other folk on here have suggested that I had ADHD symptoms , but I could never put the whole package together in my own head to the point that I ‘felt’ it!
Maybe I need to pull the whole ‘getting ADHD assessment’ off the back burner ?
I also realised ,based on a toot from @pathfinder (again see the link below) that I may well be experiencing a period of autistic burnout - it seems to be so similar , in key ways to where I am at the moment. No wonder I’m struggling!
Got back into the post-apocalyptic world of Fo4 this afternoon, I had forgotten how enjoyable this game is.
Final Thoughts.
I am struck once again how much I am coming to depend on the @actuallyautistic community to help me progress on my ASD journey and understand more about me!
Special thanks to Ashley & Kevin for pointing the way today. 🙏
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I started a new Youtube channel a few months back to kind of help me come to terms with my late autism diagnosis, and I seem to be doing better on views than my (8 years old) Clay Disarray channel :ablobdizzy:
Anyhoo, thought I'd post a link here if you're interested 🧡
I've noticed that I've started unmasking in company where it feels safe. Just little things but still. I love eye contact but instead of doing it constantly, I let my eyes wander or look somewhere else. Then I might become aware that this could be considered rude. I trust that these people don't mind. Stimming a bit. Just a bit.
I'm currently reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price and it's super interesting. It surely resonates and I recognize myself in many places.
Reading about "female autism" -- which Price criticizes as a label -- was a real eye opener. I too am a very sensitive and likable person who adjusts to new situations quickly.
For instance, I've noticed ages ago that I take cues from the situation, mirror verbal and nonverbal expressions and mannerisms. I might not give much of my real self if the situation doesn't feel safe. It often doesn't. Plus I'm introverted so there's that.
Another example. When writing to others, I tone my reply to fit the recipient or forum. I've loved using emojis but if the recipient doesn't use them, I haven't used them either.
Burnout is a bitch. I think all of us who have experienced it, or are experiencing it, will agree with that. But, how it presents and how long it maintains its hold over us, seems to be as variable as so much else about us.
I can now recognise the many times I have experienced burnout in my life. Each one marked by my constant refrain of, "I'm just tired" and with me doggedly plodding on with my life as best I could. Even now, in the deepest and longest burnout of my life, I am still doing the same.
Of course, I at least know to try and pace myself now. To let the unimportant things slide until their time comes and to spread out what has to be done, to the best of my ability. I know to dedicate time to self-care, to rest and recreation and to acknowledging my needs as an autistic person. This much, realising you are autistic can teach you. It can also help you to spot the signs of burning out sooner and hopefully mitigate its effects that way.
When that's possible, of course. For what caused my current burnout was unfortunately a series of overlapping events that I could not avoid, or do anything about. It was almost as if life chose to keep throwing things at me, each more intense and impossible to avoid, until I broke. But then life can be like that sometimes.
Autistic burnout is, of course, different from normal burnout, in what causes it and how it presents. It is, more often than not, a breakdown of our ability to cope with the demands being placed on us and not with how much we can carry. We are used to carrying insane loads and with having to work so much harder than most other people, just to keep putting one foot in front of the other through life. In fact, I know that I never really rest, not even now. My life is one long and continuous assessment and checking on whether the routines I have in place are being maintained. Whether I have done everything, on what needs to be done and finding new ways to blames myself for why it hasn't been done yet. There is no such thing as not working as far as my brain is concerned. And because I never stop, I don't know how to stop. How to heed the signals of tiredness and exhaustion and how to not knuckle down and continue anyway. It has been the story of my life. In work and everywhere else, always push, push, push.
And perhaps this is why autistic burnout is so common and possibly even inevitable. The sheer effort that life already is. The constant raggedy edge we walk just to get through a day and how in doing this day after day, all we end up doing is teaching ourselves to ignore the warning signs and that our needs are even important. And end up learning instead, that all that really matters is the next plodding step, no matter the load we are already carrying.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Monday 20/05/2024
Was up till the early hours of this morning with stomach cramps after last nights daring attempt to eat scrambled eggs & beans for tea.
Spent the day getting lots of exercise up & down the stairs to take a pew, if you get my drift.
Attempted to interact on here a couple of times but my brain is apparently on sick leave so it didn’t go exactly to plan 🙄🤦♂️
Hopefully tomorrow will be better !
Final Thoughts.
Is the babel fish truly a fish if it spends most of its life out of water ?
This & other great questions of our age will have to wait until I can think straight!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
thought i was getting $100 as a birthday 🎁 but that’s understandably just not in the cards. I need help covering my phone bill, I believe I have 10 days after it’s due before it gets cut off. All help is good help☺️
“AuDHD represents a blend of ADHD and autistic traits, leading to unique experiences and challenges. When the underlying needs of ADHD and autism interact, it can feel like a tug of war for the AuDHDer - Do I need routine or spontaneity? Newness or familiarity? Busyness or a steady pace? Though these examples are quite simplistic, they illustrate the internal confusion of the AuDHDer attempting to address their needs.”
The DSM-5 and the ICD 11 are not Bibles dictating what to do for everyday life, they are diagnostic manuals. Their purpose is to diagnose people with clinically identified disorders. They are not comprehensive and understanding of every facet about Autism. I find the best source of truth being other autistic people and their experiences, though I would avoid relying on any individual source too much as we're imperfect people, like anyone else, and as Autism is a spectrum. #ActuallyAutistic
Hello #Bridgerton fans, do you think Francesca is on the spectrum? Piano forte clearly is her special interest. She is ill at ease at social gatherings and doesn’t do so well with small talk. And she is at ease with the silent type, just being together. #ActuallyAutistic
URGENT! please help Tasia with basic necessities like food and healthcare! she is disabled and has struggled with housing. she needs your support. anything helps!
You know what? FUCK neurotypical "empathy" that only works if they'd feel the same way, and is all "don't be upset, it's nothing" and "pull yourself together" otherwise.
Listening to the 1800 Seconds On Autism podcast from the #BBC, which is far less dry than a number of other podcasts on the subject I've tried. Can recommend for any #ActuallyAutistic people looking for an informal chat about their ND-ness.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 203 , Saturday 18/05/2024
Ruff as a bears bum today, no energy, no appetite, everything I do hurts.
It’s probably only man-flu again, I seem to catch every bug going at the moment & regular Squirrel Spotters will be aware that I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to common or garden illness. 🙄🤦♂️
I keep plodding along, hoping that I catch a break at some point.
I am better this afternoon, this morning I felt like death warmed up, lunch was 5/6 of 2 rounds of toast - don’t ask - & tea will be venturing into the dubious gastronomic delights of a can of tommy soup.
I am a little brighter & well enough to write my diary, so that is an improvement.
Final Thoughts.
Please can someone hail a Delorean to transport me back to my 40s ?
I have to say that I am in total awe of those folk I know who live with chronic pain, chronic depression is a walk in the park in comparison, you peeps are the bravest folk I know!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I can tell when I need to lower the volume of something I'm listening to when I feel a kind of tightening in my ear muscles, and/or ringing in my ears, or a slight feeling of stress coming in from my environment.
I also just try to remember to always proactively lower the volume a couple ticks from what i first set it at, to prevent all those sensations.
What are the signs for you that things are a little too loud?
I've been feeling a little tired and overstimulated over the last few days and I've been trying to find a way to decompress. It's quietly hilarious to me that simply sitting on the couch with a blanket over my head seems to be quite effective.
Being overstimulated makes me appreciate the things I have to mitigate it. I'm happy with my earplugs, stimming stuff, and even my sunglasses.
There was a time when I didn't have that kind of stuff, or didn't feel like I was allowed to use it. Now it's a great feeling to put on my sensory gear and take on the world. 😁