@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social
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EVDHmn

@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social

Let’s share the experience, and the journey.♾️❤️

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pathfinder, to Autism
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@actuallyautistic

No matter how well I learnt to mask, no matter how well I learnt to get on with people, if not in any deep and meaningful way, at least superficially. There has always been one skill that I have never mastered and that is simply the ability to not upset people and especially without having the slightest idea how.

Or that I didn't for a long time, anyway. It was only when I realised that I was autistic and that the way I looked at the world was in some ways substantively different from the way many allistics looked at the world, that I began to understand something. Allistics tend to find validation externally, through feedback from the group or the part of society that they identify with, whereas autistics tend to find it within themselves, in their own reason and sense of worth and value.

Now I must stress that in many respects this is a generalisation and obviously there will be a lot of variation and degree in how true this is. But in its more extreme forms, it could very well explain many of the experiences and difficulties that I've had.

Because if someone's self-worth, the value they see in their life and actions, is almost entirely based on their interactions with the dynamics of the group they identify with, or the society they live within and not from their own judgement, then this could lead to certain choices and reactions that are quite frankly alien to someone like me and that I could easily end up in conflict with and all without really trying to.

For example, if the value of a child reflects back on its parents. Then in the extreme case the values and behaviour expected from that child, are not those of the child, but of the parents in terms of the group the child is meant to be representing them in and how well it is doing that. So any sense of divergence from that or criticism of that child, no matter how slight that might be, could easily be seen as an attack on the parents and reacted to accordingly, irrespective of how reasonable or just it was.

Equally, of course, worth, praise, or rewards, can also become divorced from any sense of reality. All that matters is that you, whether that's through your children or not, are being valued, not whether there is any justice to it. Because the truth or validity of it, is not based on how you see yourself, but only on how others see you. And in the extreme case, it doesn't even matter how they came to this view, as long as they have it. So worth can become something to be manipulated and played for and how you really are and how you actually feel about yourself becomes almost irrelevant to this process.

That people could even be this way, that everything could become how you're being perceived and anything that effects that negatively can be something to be attacked, is still something that I struggle to understand. It is so foreign to my nature. But, it certainly explains so many of the times that I've upset people, because I wasn't playing this game, or seeing the world the way I should and didn't even realise it.


EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Ughh man so is that recent? Realization? Sounds like a hell of a thought. You ok ?

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I struggled with that a year ago and decided I could do better if I was kinder to myself and I didn’t need validation from a person as much as I did myself. I also realized I couldn’t help myself if I couldn’t learn who I was as a person owning my decisions now. I remember a saying “the relationship we have with our selves is reflective in the relationship we have with others”. With Kindness Humility

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
Oh wait the actual wording was “the relationship we have with ourselves is the energy in which all other relationships energy flows”

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic it helped I learned about how much and what we have control of in neuroscience. “The neuroscience of you”Chantel Pratt. We can be our own worst enemy. Its still not easy but life is better at least for my partner and I

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic hey but you showed up as you, maybe it was a little mask, your the person you have to live with. That’s how I sleep at night I value it now. I know I need it. I know a couple hours in a morning is better then worrying at night like I used to about stuff. Healthy because you care about whatever experience I guess because well you’re still alive !

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic at some point you have got to realize it was ok to be however it was you were that was you and love that you that tried its best to take care of you. Forgive yourself for not knowing. It’s not your fault. You own your life . You’re a super cool person and inspirationally genuine. And a good writer. Unite the yous it makes the math easier :)

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I didn’t mean to intrude on your reflection I just remembered a similar rabbit hole very well philosophically.

And maybe it wolnt help. I wish someone would have said something like that to me because it took awhile to discover that and it wasn’t fun.

We at have a duty to love ourselves. We can choose where to put our energies to some degree. We can finally be ourselves the best we can do I prefer the inside outside what you see is what you get.

EVDHmn, to academicchatter
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

https://www.publicsource.org/pitt-cmu-professors-tenured-faculty-adjuncts-cost-of-living-pittsburgh/?utm_source=PublicSource&utm_campaign=cd8846e5dd-Roundup_April+30%2C+2024&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-9b2daafe37-%5BLIST_EMAIL_ID%5D&mc_cid=cd8846e5dd&mc_eid=05356c36fc

@academicchatter
@academicsunite

EVDHmn, to ADHD
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

So are there any kpop fans or kdrama fans out there on fedi?


NatureMC, to zerowaste
@NatureMC@mastodon.online avatar

Challenge: How do I eat a whole pineapple in two days? 🍍 😋
Pure luxury from the Zero Waste Box: a pineapple, lots of grapes and tens of mandarins. It's hard to believe that #supermarkets used to throw this away (which is now banned in France). A #ZeroWaste box in our #supermarket costs 3 EUR for 2 kg of "ugly" or overripe vegetables/fruits. The very ripe pineapple smells delicious!

#foodWaste #food #waste #WasteReduction

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@NatureMC
So good!
I help work my local food bank they go to local stores and distribute things going out of date. I personally always shop produce and fruit at the local grocery store if it’s on clearance I sometimes dehydrate as well for snacks later on hikes etc!
Thanks for sharing!

easysociology, to Sociology
@easysociology@mastodon.social avatar

Relationships and Processes within Schools: Exploring Teacher-Pupil Dynamics, Pupil Identities, Subcultures, the Hidden Curriculum, and Teaching and Learning Organization

https://buff.ly/3JAlW0K


@sociology
@academicchatter
@academicsunite

EVDHmn,
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@easysociology @sociology @academicchatter @academicsunite
How do other autodidacts integrate into academia I have to reread myself everything unless the teacher is captivating to me on the topic which is rare captions help me

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@easysociology @sociology @academicchatter @academicsunite
Ahh I would rather get the materials watch lecture remote reading list etc, then go in and talk about parts I have questions about…it drove me crazy in traditional learning.
No problems taking tests typically after I learn. I think the groups help it’s just harder being autistic/adhd. Esp as I get older it bothers me more. Learning is my favorite past time tbh… I was told I have learned how to learn but I still need guidance

EVDHmn, to actuallyautistic
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Would any of you be interested in doing a weekly audio conference? I have organizer stTus on meetup could do audio and discuss how everyone is doing checkins, talking science, or what it’s like for you personally in the world coping ?
Perhaps zoom audio, no judgements safe spaces etc over the internet ? Discords etc

EVDHmn,
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@olena @actuallyautistic

I know, some have auto captions or aac avail just checking interests :)

EVDHmn,
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@olena @actuallyautistic
I have it as well, I think for me is the stress of not being comfortable w the people, I’m ok w the people here mostly, :)

EVDHmn,
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@Tooden @olena @actuallyautistic
Yeah that’s why I thought captions would be more suited I know we all are different I just was more or less checking interests, accommodations are good to note too to see how we can manage.
Nothing official but there’s certainly ways to do virtual meetups. I do meetups all over via the world in different needs groups etc and if there’s a way to make it better or suitable we can.

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @arisummerland @olena @actuallyautistic
listening while someone is talking is a skill. An adhd life skill I’m working on my partner and I are both guilty. I didn’t mean to grow the habit of inferring what the hell people were saying what they were saying. Live processing iterative inference was done.
I love sharing and listening.
Old habit I suppose. I do try to be conscious and aware more it’s not easy. I try and actively listen to what someone is saying now.True story

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @arisummerland @olena @actuallyautistic

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @arisummerland @olena @actuallyautistic
Oh wow hypervigelence eh?

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @arisummerland @olena @actuallyautistic
My family expected you to act a certain way. Dress a certain way . I have no idea where they came up with such things maybe cultural norms. I mean do what you have to for work but there’s a lot of cool options.
My mother’s side was super high masked grandmother bank auditor who went to finishing school she went and found why people were short$ she could find the missing process 🤢 and my grandfather was an engineer. Tough. Also scary .

EVDHmn,
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@pathfinder @arisummerland @olena @actuallyautistic
I mean yes they did learn how to survive. I talked to a gentleman about 65 tonight spitfire angry person. Never gets to let steam out never feels heard or listen to all that much I think, and frankly doesn’t care . Says it’s a dog eat dog world.
Husband to a friend. All kinds of people out there 🫠

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic
That is sooo awesome !!!
Yeah and plus getting people together is hard which is why I wanted to do online and in person, I know some like to do remotely anyhow I do like meetup for remote topics as well

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic wonderful!

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic
lol 😆 I think nearly all of us feel the same way, if something interests us we will be there, maybe, 🤔 possibly well we shall see how it goes. I would like to talk to more experienced peers too.

Me personally. How they audhd life, I’m genuinely curious. I do the best I can a day at a time.

I script some of my life but it’s not so much for masking it’s so I get in the mindset, it can go sideways and I’ll be ok if I just have an hour before I adventure.

EVDHmn,
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic
I’m looking for those who have managed to find some kind of balance, obviously much comes from experience.

Some in academia, some careers or countries doesn’t always allow all of our peers to be open.

Regardless I wish them the best as well. I hope one day they can be themselves and feel comfortable and safe.
For all of us to be accepted, for a better world.
It’s my autism acceptance month wish! 🥰😅
Diversity is the solution to almost every answer.♾️💜

CultureDesk, to books
@CultureDesk@flipboard.social avatar

AI-generated books on Amazon now have the potential to kill people, as they've moved into the realm of mushroom foraging. Guides have popped up like, well, mushrooms, packed with information that makes no sense and could easily be dangerous, illustrated with structures that are "the mycological equivalent of a picture of a hot blond with six fingers and too many teeth," writes Vox's Constance Grady. Here's more.

https://flip.it/ekbDMe

@bookstodon

EVDHmn,
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@doc @CultureDesk @bookstodon
Gives whole new meaning to know your sources

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