pauleggleston

pauleggleston, 1 month ago to random

I saw an Irish dancing show today called 'Streamdance'. It's not quite as good as 'Riverdance', but then it is only a tributary act.

pauleggleston, 1 month ago to random

I was trying to think of an anagram of 'foolish otters', but then I thought... life's too short.

pauleggleston, 2 months ago to random

HELP NEEDED!
I'm trying to find the oldest public toilet at which you can get a phone signal.
Please reply at your earliest convenience.

pauleggleston, 3 months ago to random

Once pined a Jedi named Yoda
That inclined his way of speaking
To titter his friends
Which bitter made him
Plus his limericks rhymed none of

pauleggleston, 3 months ago to random

My wife and I met at a 'Make a Jelly in the Shape of a US President' class, and I knew she was the one, from the moment I set Eisenhower.

pauleggleston, 4 months ago to random

I'm starting a petition that says everyone with a walking frame should have an abacus mounted on it. I hope I can count on your support.

pauleggleston, 6 months ago to random

'In South Devon, it's less dangerous,
Here we are now, enter Teignmouth.'

• Kurt Cobain, West Country Tour Guide

pauleggleston, 6 months ago to random

I like to shower like Frank Sinatra did, and so I face the vinyl curtain.

pauleggleston, 6 months ago to random

'I vant to suck your blood! But first look at that cute baby sheep! I simply must pet it!'

• Lamb Stroker's Dracula

#NationalHugASheepDay

pauleggleston, 7 months ago to random

SHOWBIZ NEWS: Mick Jagger & Eminem to collaborate, even though the twins from Bros weren't interested: A Rolling Stone, Mathers, no Goss.

pauleggleston, 7 months ago to random

Make your beard thicker and more luxuriant by simply applying just a drizzle of extra fur chin olive oil.

pauleggleston, 7 months ago to random

First day of my levitation course today, and I went straight to the top of the class.

pauleggleston, 7 months ago to random

Last night I said, in my sleep: 'I love them scrambled!'
But later I shouted: 'NO!! NOT POACHED!'
I went from one eggs dream to another.

#WorldDreamDay

pauleggleston, 8 months ago to random

It shakes her nerves and it rattles her brain,
Too much Swiss cheese drives my nan insane,
She flipped a stall,
At the village hall,
Goodness gracious, fête brawls of Gruyere!

#NationalGrandparentsDay

pauleggleston, 8 months ago to random

My favourite event at the Tea Drinkers' Olympics is the Decaf Oolong.

pauleggleston, 8 months ago to random

Local people! Or indeed non-local people who aren't averse to coming to Stowmarket! Come and see me as THE Wizard of Oz in this year's panto! Tickets on sale now! https://regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmarket.dll/WhatsOn?f=5250486&fbclid=IwAR1TDRSO_OYOOENrgsEmI_n79fvU1dCP9Z_RjdGYvXPSsAcYFckcsy7EEWQ

pauleggleston, 9 months ago to random

Hey, I've just anaesthetised a grizzly
And this is crazy
But here's my numb bear
So call me maybe

pauleggleston, 9 months ago to random

In the twilight of his career, the composer Rossini moved to France and designed a water-fuelled car. It was the William Tell Eau Voiture.

pauleggleston, 9 months ago to random

At 9.59 this morning, my arm ached. The same thing happened yesterday at around the same time. I think I might have tenish elbow.

pauleggleston, 9 months ago to random

One of the Monkees once told me that looking at Medusa would actually turn you into a baby semiaquatic rodent, but I had my doubts. Then I saw her face, now I'm a wee beaver.

pauleggleston, 11 months ago to random

Paul McCartney once handwrote a letter of complaint, in cursive, regarding the absence of lighting in his street. It was the longhand whine (dim road).

pauleggleston, 11 months ago to random

I didn't touch any of the handcuffs or strait-jackets at the Houdini museum, which was an impressive display of restraint.

pauleggleston, 1 year ago to random

I did a tweet about the Crewe to Holyhead train line once. It went via Rhyl.

#NationalTrainDay

pauleggleston, 1 year ago to random

• I just saw a Star Wars character doing a Maori war dance on the Underground.
• Tube Haka?
• No, C3PO.

#StarWarsDay

pauleggleston, 1 year ago to random

I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming.

#NationalMotherGooseDay