#WritersCoffeeClub 5/25. Do you use a cover artist or design your own covers? Share your cover art.
I tried making my own covers. Didn't work out very well, but cover designers are expensive. They should be, it's value they create, but when my books don't earn much... it creates a rock and a hard place.
Anyway, I use cover designers now, and I'll share one that I love very much (partially because I love the characters so much and the designer totally got them).
"Many of us get trapped in a feedback loop of learned helplessness, confusion, shame, and frozenness" - Devon Price in Unmaskin Autism.
Bingo! I relate so much to this!
Sometimes I know I'm supposed to do something at home, or with a group of friends, for instance when cleaning up a place after a party. (I don't mean routine chores at home, those are very clear. If I remember to do them.) However, I don't know what it would be.
I can't ask as I've learned that people don't take it well, they get irritated if one asks what one should do. If I do something small that seems clear enough for me, there's a chance I "do it wrong" and someone else finishes it. If I don't do anything, people will be angry at me for that.
Then I just stand there and people think I'm lazy and get irritated anyway. Now I understand it's my autistic brain freezing, confronted by a badly defined task and unclear expectations.
You may know I was diagnosed with autism 10yrs ago. You may not know I was also diagnosed with schizophrenia at the same time. Today is World Schizophrenia
Awareness Day (1). Here in so-called Australia, schizophrenia affects between 150,000-200,000 humans (2).
You might know autism and ADHD/ADD are forms of neurodivergence, but did you
know that schizophrenia social anxiety/anxiety disorders and depression are as well?
Neurodivergence means having a different brain to what is historically, clinically and socially classified as “normal”. (shudder)
Fortunately for the neurospicy like me, the Social Model of Disability is seeing medical definitions rewritten with a healthier focus, changing outdated societal ideologies and expectations.
My form of schizophrenia is visceral (3). When I’m tired, stressed, or anxious, my
symptoms can arise despite daily medications. I see, hear, and feel bugs. Flying, buzzing, crawling insects. Bugs creeping on my scalp and into my skin. It’s usually a speck of dust. Sometimes, it’s actually an insect. An offset of my schizophrenia is a cognitive disability (4) (confused thinking, loss of words, disjointed understanding, and
forgetfulness).
There is too much misinformation on how schizophrenia manifests. Science has not discovered irrefutably what causes it; however, mine was likely brought on by excessive stress and poor health maintenance.
When the word “crazy” is so easily used as a gross negative, it paints schizophrenics as bad people with uncontrollable brains leading to dangerous behaviour. We see this stereotype in the media when individuals enact incomprehensible harm (5). More often, the individual is just a massive angry douche. To be clear: people with schizophrenia are rarely violent, and when they are it is usually self-harm (6).
I’m not prone to hyperbole, but every time I hear someone use the term “crazy”
derogatorily, it HURTS me. It means you consider ME suboptimal.
I know language is difficult to change. Hell, I’m almost 50 & struggle with using “crazy”, particularly directed at myself. We stopped using other harmful words in my lifetime, so we can stop using this one too.
I've spent most of my professional life in academic circles. However, I had a short stint as a clinical psychologist when my PhD project wasn't funded. This was in the '00s.
I had this one patient who came in diagnosed with severe depression. I was a rookie and felt that I just couldn't help them. Now it hit me that they were autistic.
My studies hadn't prepared me for this; there was barely a mention of autism. I guess it was part of one course on clinical disorders, based on then current research around the turn of the millennium. Furthermore, I was still more than 15 years from my self-diagnosis.
I wonder what happened to them. They stopped coming as they felt therapy was of no use. I can't blame them.
"It might not feel like it's an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life."
Devon Price in Unmasking Autism
This sentence hits me hard. Haven't thought it using that wording. My internalized ableism screams. "I'm not disabled!" But I am. I need to digest this.
Do you use subtitles? I'm using them more and more when they are available? It helps me to keep track of what's going on, and I like that I can turn the sound down when if it gets overwhelming.
What is the term for that type of inertia where you can't get anything else done in a given day because you have one time-specific thing on your calendar so you end up waiting until you do that one thing?
I know there are words for it. I just can't remember them.
This self-discovery journey has been mostly satisfying. However, sometimes one is not really sure what to think. Overcompensating in order not to appear selfish is to be very helpful. I've thought this is an important part about me. I like to help. Now I read that this might actually be a way of masking. I guess the important part is not to OVERcompensate. And to think about my wellbeing first. Ah well.
I love Unmasking Autism. I've now read almost the first half and there's this constant flow of "that's me!", "oh!" and "wtf?!" from my part.
Part about learning certain characteristics being unwanted and masking by overcompensating for them was especially revealing. Things that really resonated:
"Pretending I didn't know the answers to questions" and "Keeping silent when people said things that weren't true" in order not to appear arrogant.
"Solving problems by myself" and "Not getting 'too excited' about anything, including good things" in order not to appear annoying and loud.
"Nodding or laughing, even when I have no idea what's going on" in order not to appear clueless and pathetic.
"Not voicing my needs" in order not to appear sensitive.
I'm in this picture and I don't like it... It's not that I recognize ever being certain things but I recognize overcompensating.
For what sort of toots could I use hashtags like #ActuallyAutistic or the previous two I just used?
I Toot quite a bit about me and my quirky way life. But I never really know if I "should" add any ND hashtags as the "silly" things I Toot about are quite normal to me. If that makes sense 🤔...
I'm proud enough, these days, of who I am. But I wonder if and when it would be good to add some of these tags... Maybe it could help connect with other peeps like me 😇.
I just bought a book “Strong Female Character” by Fern Brady & it’s a good preparation for “#Diversity in Tech” session on Thursday at #RIPE88 : it “ is a story of how being female can get in the way of being autistic and how being autistic gets in the way of being the 'right kind' of woman.” #ActuallyAutistic#feminism#books#Krakow#neurodiversity
Nothing worse than being told you're rude because your answer came out snappy because you're really stressed about traveling. 😤 (I said repeatedly I am stressed because of traveling)
"I understand you're stressed but what's up with the attitude?"
"I am not trying to be rude, I am stressed."
"Well you are."
And if I say autism sometimes shows up like this I will get the ol' "I can't even say something because then you'll bring up autism".
How am I supposed to deal with this?
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Tuesday 21/05/2024
TL:DR Late up today , so was more or less ignored. Clues to whether I’m AuDHD & if I’m going thru a burnout period came to light from fellow ND Peeps.
I had a somewhat enforced lay in this morning, in that I was so exhausted that I simply slept thru all the noise that would usually wake me up.
I finally got up around 07:30. Life obviously went on without me, even though Mrs S. was working from home.
Me: I’m a total introvert & wish to be alone.
Also Me when wife zones me out because I was late to get up: I’m so lonely !!!
Is the mind of an ND bananas or what ! (Possibly some for of nut in my case 🤦♂️ )
I risked a ‘proper’ breakfast this morning - I seem to have survived it 😊
I would normally have cleaned the bathroom today, but because I’m not feeling so good that didn’t happen. I know from past experience it won’t get done until I feel well enough, be that days or even weeks 🙄🤦♂️
I wrote a little while back , when I got the results of my assessment thru , that the Consultant Psychiatrist had suggested that I be assessed for ADHD too. That is currently on hold.
But , & here’s the thing I read a toot ( linked below) from @ashleyspencer that totally spoke to me & I recognised EVERYTHING she was talking about !
Well call me a Squirrel & bounce a walnut off me ‘ed !
I number of other folk on here have suggested that I had ADHD symptoms , but I could never put the whole package together in my own head to the point that I ‘felt’ it!
Maybe I need to pull the whole ‘getting ADHD assessment’ off the back burner ?
I also realised ,based on a toot from @pathfinder (again see the link below) that I may well be experiencing a period of autistic burnout - it seems to be so similar , in key ways to where I am at the moment. No wonder I’m struggling!
Got back into the post-apocalyptic world of Fo4 this afternoon, I had forgotten how enjoyable this game is.
Final Thoughts.
I am struck once again how much I am coming to depend on the @actuallyautistic community to help me progress on my ASD journey and understand more about me!
Special thanks to Ashley & Kevin for pointing the way today. 🙏
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I started a new Youtube channel a few months back to kind of help me come to terms with my late autism diagnosis, and I seem to be doing better on views than my (8 years old) Clay Disarray channel :ablobdizzy:
Anyhoo, thought I'd post a link here if you're interested 🧡