Tattie

Impossible_PhD, 1 day ago to random

All right, I've gotta show you something funny.

This is a pretransition pic of me. In a costume I made. For Halloween.

And taught class in.

If trying to make dysphoria a joke was a picture:

Tattie, 1 day ago to random

Oh god I was talking about Utena earlier and how it was my favourite anime in my university days, and... it just struck me how much of a role model Utena became for me:

• unapologetically her (queer) self
• kind-hearted and forgiving by default; she never goes looking for trouble
• but when it finds her, she's exactly as tough and brave as she needs to be
• fiercely protective of her friends, and critical of injustice
• really good with a sword

JoscelynTransient, 2 days ago to random

Now that I have returned to okcupid and they insist on showing me straight people, my random sampling of straight people in southern California on the app has revealed an important finding: being straight is bad for your skin!!!?!

Seriously though, why do so many straight, cis women my age look like they are 10 or 20 years older than me? And like, I am used to us trans girls having estrogenated vampire skin, but even the cis lesbians have healthy skin well into their 40s and 50s.

Tattie, 3 days ago to Bloomscrolling

The fuchsia is thriving! #bloomscrolling

Tattie, 6 days ago to random

Wanted to go to #TransPrideLondon this year but it's too far to go just for the day, and I don't have anyone to hang with down there. A shame if I'll have to cancel those plans.

RickiTarr, 6 days ago (edited 6 days ago) to random

What advice would you give to someone just starting out in a relationship?

Mine might sound kind of dark in relation to the question, but here goes:

People change, and they should, it's part of being a person. Some people are lucky, and they change in the same direction, but some don't, and that's okay too. There's no shame in leaving a relationship or changing the nature of a relationship that no longer serves you. We are all taught that every relationship, whether romantic or friendship, is supposed to last forever, but nothing is forever, and forcing something that no longer works, just ends in anger and bitterness. Knowing when to let go is as important as knowing when to hold on through a rough patch, and how to know either of those things is the most cliché advice of all, COMMUNICATE.

Tattie, 7 days ago to random

Glesga!

LehtoriTuomo, 7 days ago to actuallyautistic

Mentioned to a coworker that I'm getting some books, for example on autism, and as they showed interest in the topic, proceeded to lightly info dump. Did give some space so that it was a true conversation. However, it reminded me of a thing I've been pondering.

As I present male, I've always been overly cautious of not mansplaining -- or at least ever since I learned about the term. Now that I know I'm autistic, I understand it's entangled with having learned that NTs don't like infodumping.

Whatever the cause, I have a tendency to stay silent even if I know about the topic at hand but aren't 100% certain that it's appropriate to talk about it. Sometimes it makes me sad.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

JoscelynTransient, 7 days ago to random

Joscelyn Transpiring: Come for the 18-toot rant thread on statistics, stay for bisexual werewolf polycules

pathfinder, 8 days ago to Autism

@actuallyautistic

I've just finished watching the first series of "A kind of spark" on BBC iPlayer. Although, this is not about this excellent show. Rather, it's about the struggle I had with watching it and why it took me two attempts to get through it.

The fact is, that found it quite triggering. Now I know it's about, and probably made for, teenagers and the struggles they go through at school and especially being autistic and at school. And even though school was a very long time ago for me and in another age of man. I still couldn't help comparing it to my own experiences and not just in school, but throughout my life, and how much similarity I could see. Not, in the details, obviously, but in the way I would constantly run afoul of people, or somehow be on their wrong side of someone, even before we'd properly met. The sheer pettiness of some of it and the hurt it so often caused me, as much by my not understanding it, as by the unfairness of it. Of how many toes I'd stood on, without meaning to, or even knowing I'd done it and how much of my life I'd actually spent bewildered and upset by the situations I would find myself in and the actions I couldn't understand of the people around me.

Of course, no-one, least of all myself, knew that I was autistic back then, because that would probably have made it much worse. But knowing I am autistic now, at least gives me an understanding of why some people might have reacted this way. How, in some ways, at least, I've never really behaved in the ways that others might find appropriate, to their position, or status, or sense of worth. How socially blundering my way through life, of necessity, includes many toes I could step on and people who could be offended.

But, of course, understanding this now, doesn't really ease the memories. Neither of the pain I did cause, without meaning to, or the pain I received. It doesn't make the life I've had easier, only easier to understand.

And that, in a sense, is what this show made me have to face. That no matter how privileged my life has been. How much easier I've had it, compared to so, so, many others. It's never been easy. There have only been moments, brief and sometimes, admittedly, not so brief periods where my life seemed to make sense and I felt, if not entirely in control, at least in somewhat of a comfort zone. That I was OK and that I could just get on with doing things my way and just being myself. Not without cost, of course, normally in hard, unremitting, work and effort. In often struggling with feelings of guilt and shame about how selfish I was having to be. Because, that was what carving out my own world felt like. Not necessary, or even justified, but selfish and almost petty of me.

And then, of course, there would always be something that would intrude from the outside world. As often, as not, something petty and officious that would dump me back into the turmoil and uncertainty. Because, you can never really isolate yourself from the world, as much as some of us would love to. And so much of this world really isn't made for us. It will always be hard and there will always be those who delight in making it harder. Those who are truly petty and selfish, in the ways that we aren't, and others who will try to use that hate to benefit themselves. It's why carving out our safe spaces will always be difficult, but also, so very necessary.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

DivineKestrel, 8 days ago to random

Something I think about sometimes is the difference between us late bloomers and the Trans kids now.

I look around at all the Trans women my age and it's like we're this weird cookie cutter form where the similarities are fucking eerie.

And I think of all the young kids now, and how there might be so much variation in the Trans community with those kids. How I hope none of them will be cookie cut-outs.

The sad truth is when I stop to think about it, I know why all the late blooming Trans girls are the same.

mentallyalex, 9 days ago to random

"Yes Zara you are a fierce and terrifying predator," I think.

My cat has been sitting and enjoying an open window for hours. While surveying the neighborhood, a young man began walking through the area doing something service related. He has a vest on, lots of work equipment, etc.

She tracked him as he moved through the area for probably ten minutes. As he came close to her window...forty feet or so... she scampered off the window and made her way to the rug. Glancing at me and then the window and me, I assured her he was not interested in her.

Over maybe thirty seconds or so, she crept back to the window sniffing and trying to stare through the wall. Carefully jumping up fully expecting the man to be waiting to snatch her away to whatever kitty hell she has imagined, I supposed.

She is on the window staring at him again.

RickiTarr, 9 days ago to random

Anyway, sometimes my brain creates really sad scenarios, and I play out my reactions to these scenarios, and it makes me really upset, but it's like I'm trying to prepare myself for every possibility even though it's both impossible and destructive.

Tattie, 11 days ago to random

Remembering just now when we said to people "ok, it's a really small thing, but I'd really love if you could just... not buy and play the new Harry Potter game, in solidarity with trans folk." And people couldn't fucking do that.

Anyway glad a Swiss enby clownfish won the genocide-neutral singing competition or whatever 🤷‍♀️

Tattie, 15 days ago to random

Heavy thought of the day: from a mental health and healing perspective, it doesn't matter whether what you went through in the past "really counts" as abuse or neglect or violence or trauma or whatever else.

Go ahead and treat yourself with the same kindness as someone who unambiguously has been through any of that.

What's the downside? You might treat yourself with a compassion you feel is unearned?

Because you don't need to justify self-compassion.

RickiTarr, 15 days ago to random

Okay, this might sound weird, but this is what I'm thinking of today. I'm assuming most of you know the idiom, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I know it's about looking at the horse's teeth to check it's age and health, but in my heart I have an alternate history where it's about The Trojan Horse, which doesn't really even make much sense, but it's still living there rent free.

So, does anyone else do this, make up alternate histories for words or phrases? If you do, I'd love examples!

Tattie, 16 days ago to trans

#trans people: what you want out of #transition is your business and nobody else's.

There is no moral component to what you desire. Do you want to look basically like a cis person of your favoured gender? Or visibly trans? Both are valid choices. Muscular, slim, or chunky? Elegant, tacky, or slobbish? Femme, masc, or aggressively non-binary? Big-titted? Small-titted? Flat as a board? Made up or natural? Alternative or normie?

Basically if it is achievable and safe, go for it. And if your vision evolves over time, that's great too!

The most powerful thing you can be is unapologetically yourself. Let nobody, cis or trans, shame you for your own choice of presentation. You never asked to be at the forefront of some culture war. Your chosen look isn't a comment on feminism or queer rights or race or privilege or anything else.

You're just you. Be you.

Tattie, 16 days ago to random

Today was a bank holiday, so I booked an aerobics class in the morning, with both swordfighting and dancing in the evening. 🤸‍♀️🤺💃

I told folks at the dance class all I was doing today, and their mouths dropped open, and one said "but after Monday you're going to have a rest, yes?"
Oh no, my friend. I am not.

It's funny because as a kid my parents were constantly trying to push me to be more sporty. I was the black sheep of the family; the klutz who would rather be in front of a computer than a football.

It all changed when I transitioned. I finally gave myself permission to be who I always should have been... and to my surprise that person turns out to be very much my parents' daughter. Turns out when my body feels like my own, I want to be proud of it. I want it to push it to be faster and stronger, I want to have endurance and control. I want to use it to do everything I set my mind to. I finally understand the point of what they were pushing me to do.

Which does not invalidate the goofy, nerdy kid I was. Just like my favourite childhood superhero, Spider-Man, I'll always be an awkward geek (coughautisticcough) at heart. Only he got his powers from radioactive spider venom, and I got mine from estrogen. 😅

Or maybe the magic serum is just self-acceptance. The conflict between my inner and outer self is resolving, and everything is so much easier now.

I'll have to slow down eventually; this body is already middle-aged, and damaged from decades of not treating it very well. But for now, I'm making up for lost time.

Tattie, 17 days ago to random

Blåhaj bless the 70-year-old woman in the changing rooms after aerobics, chatting to me and putting me at ease, and encouraging me to keep at it. (Gosh, aerobics is hard work!)

Small acts of acceptance can make a huge difference.

IzabelaKaramia, 17 days ago to random

Slept in til 530 this morning.

Weather is going to be wet today, but I hope to find a less wet time to walk about 30 minutes and get blood to circulate.

Need to figure out an unpacking task or two to take on today.

Ginza, of course, remains the best cat in the world.