Forecast says it'll rain today and cloudy with showers tomorrow. Maybe sunshine returns on Thursday. I could use good days of sunshine. Yesterday there was some semi-sunshine getting through thin clouds but not the sunshine I need.
Ginza is such a good sleeping buddy. I love hearing her sometimes making sighing noises in the night because of how comfy she feels.
Many times #ActuallyAutistic people are diagnosed as having alexithymia, an inability to recognize and/or describe the emotions they are feeling. Its Greek roots mean "without words for feelings."
It seems complex to me, an autistic who has an oversized vocabulary in some part due to the fact I was a hyperlexic child who learned to read before kindergarten and the fact I have a great love and curiosity for language, for languages, for words. I have plenty of words. I have feelings.
I also have a strong desire to be careful with my words, to find ones that seem best, though even then later thinking may lead me to wanting to revise them. Of course that's when allistics might suggest I'm simply overthinking things. But is that true? Or is it that they are underthinking things? Why don't they spend more time examining their feelings?
Of course another issue which has made alexithymia part of my life is how much of my life I would be told that I wasn't
feeling the things I would feel, that my descriptions were wrong. If that happens to any person often enough, it will create hesitation and uncertainty.
But here's something I know. All our words are at best approximations and that over time words change and shift in meaning. That is demonstrated over and over in languages and their histories that we know of. Words are symbols but they are only maps and not the actual territory. Those symbols can grow in complexity
when we use metaphorical representations built from vocabulary and grammar. We share those maps with others, but we can't know exactly how others look upon maps or hold those maps or how they might not just look at the map but take it in their hands, put their fingers upon it, use other sensory inputs to make sense of them.
Requirements to put in a job description to discourage or filter out autistic people:
Comfortable with ambiguity
Strong people skills
Good culture fit
Multitasking
A fast-paced dynamic environment
Bachelor's degree or better
I see these things and think you don't want my >30 years of programming and machine learning experience, or my problem-solving skills and comprehensive knowledge that had people mistaking me for one of the team's PhDs, or my solutions that have proven patent-worthy. Your loss.
I'm sitting in the dark, with the window blinds closed, because I feel like I just need it that way right now for no discernable reason. This is probably what my therapist means by nervous system regulation and emotional regulation. 🤔
I really like sensory deprivation—sometimes even more than others.
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Anyone ever tell you that you were being "too negative" or a "Debby downer" when stating facts about something? Just happened to me earlier with my family. In this case it was reasons why I prefer not to travel often (routine change haha). The whole time I was thinking, "but I'm not trying to be negative..."
I really want to make a career in the #InfoSec field. Security is my passion. I haven't yet decided which role I'd like to get involved in. All I know so far is that Malware Analysis isn't for me. I'm interested to hear from folks in the field who are #ActuallyAutistic, have #ADHD, or both. What roles have been a good fit for you? I'm guessing that Incident Response would be far too high stress, but I could be wrong about that. Boosts appreciated. #NeuroDiverseSquad#AuDhd#AskingAutistics
I just made a phone call.
It was regarding something relatively straightforward and simple to sort out and I was on the phone for 37 minutes. Most of that was on hold.
As soon as it ended I burst into tears.
I am exhausted. My neck and back are agony from the tension. I’ve got a headache and I feel sick.
It took about 30 minutes to stop shaking.
I wrote my speech but they interrupted, trying to get me to do security questions first.
I really wish there was a way to never have to make phone calls.
I do everything I possibly can via email and online. If it has to be a call usually I get D to make them for me, but if there’s any security questions needed they insist I’m on the phone, even when they have no way of knowing if it’s me by my voice.
I really hate having to rely on him and it makes it even harder if they’re only available during working hours.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 212 , Monday 27/05/2024
Up really early today (05:30) which is ironic because it’s a public holiday & I should have had a lie in.
Hey ho.
Bit of banter on Mastodon - congrats to @dgar for a very respectable 3rd place in #FediVision24 btw !
Binge watched ‘Traces’ series 2 - not a bad series !
Final Thoughts.
I was in quite a dark place this morning & wrote a whole thing on things that triggered me, but I’ve mellowed out during the day.
The upshot of this is that I have gone from epically insightful final thoughts to this ! 🙄🤦♂️ 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
My bf and I have literally nothing and I'm worried on top of financial insecurity, we really need help in general with basic needs on top of trying to pay for my Visa.
Well-meaning able-bodied neurotypical "helpers" firing off rapid-fire questions at me like "do you want this? How about this? Or this? Just tell us what you need" but not giving my neurospicy brain space to react, till I have to interrupt crying "please STOP!! so I can even think enough to form words, let alone figure out what I need-- and wait I didn't tell you to do THAT, give me a moment PLEASE!"
I have to admit: I was worried about my trip to Italy. My wife was as well.
It's the first time we've travelled away from home in years - since before COVID - and also the first time since I discovered that I'm Autistic.
I was worried about what unmasking has done to my ability to cope with change, disruption to routine and the chaos and unpredictability of travel.
I used everything that I've learned about being Autistic in the last 10 months, and I actually overestimated how stressful and taxing it would be. By doing so, I planned for a lot of downtime. Taking time off work - and not trying to balance work with travel - has also helped tremendously. It has let me focus on travel and rest.
My wife has a chronic illness, which means she needs just as much - if not more - downtime than I do, which helps avoid conflict between our energy levels and motivation. The pace of our travels seems to work well for both of us.
We planned for two full days in Venice. We spent all day yesterday walking and exploring, and today we're mostly staying in our hotel and recharging. We've both become better tuned to our needs, and we both need this downtime before we move on to the last leg of our trip in Rome.
I do expect this coming week to be a bit more challenging, as I'm returning to work while we're still in Italy. But the last couple of weeks has given me more confidence in my ability to recognize, plan and advocate for my needs, and I'm confident that will carry over into this week as well.
“Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew”: Defining Autistic Burnout
First academic/clinical article I've ever seen specifically on autistic burnout, and it rings true. It's particularly validating to see initial confirmation that autistic burnout is its own distinct phenomena, which likely requires its own specific interventions.
There’s a new show on CBC featuring an undiagnosed woman autistic called Dinosaur.
I am hopeful.
Anyone watched it yet or want to watch it with me? #actuallyautistic
I didn't go to my uni graduation. I didn't see the point. I particularly didn't see the point in spending what amounted to half a day's pay on minimum wage to hire a hat & gown for the day.
Now I'm wondering if part of it was the #ActuallyAutistic urge to not be perceived? I dunno. I have no problem being on stage, or public speaking if I have a script. But the whole marching across stage, recieving some paper, shaking hands, being ME, all while being watched and photographed?
What are your thoughts on self-diagnosis being belittled by many in the autistic community?
For clarity, I’m not asking to start a debate, just a genuine discussion. I currently don’t have the option to get a diagnosis, but feel fairly confident that the research I’ve done over the past year and a half has been legitimate and credible.
I don’t feel comfortable saying that I am definitively autistic, but I am ok with saying I’m “self-suspecting.” #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic
In the series "so that's an autism thing too": difficulties in cooking. I have hard time coming up with the shopping list outside of the routine things which I always check against a list on my phone. It's especially difficult to plan what particular dishes should be cooked in the following days.
Once I got hang of cooking -- which happened after I had turned 30, almost 35 -- I learned to like cooking when there's no rush and the recipe is clear. I even can improvise, albeit on quite restricted range. However, when my spouse isn't around, I default to microwaving things or eating frozen pizzas.