He was acquitted of murder because a jury of theoretical physicists decided the victim could have been alive until the police opened the box and observed the body #nerlingersjokes#schrodinger
Life Hack - for locating hidden lawn irrigation sprinkler heads without turning on the system, simply use an electrical device with a long extension cord such as a corded leaf blower, walk around the yard using the device and the electrical cord will wrap itself around every goddamn sprinkler head it contacts. You’re welcome. #nerlingersjokes
Like our new House Speaker I was also ordained by God, but for me it’s to write jokes on Mastodon. So if you don’t boost my jokes then you hate God. #nerlingersjokes#speakerofthehouse
Not to brag but, I might be on the next Forbes list of the worlds richest people after reassessing the value of my house. #trump#nerlingersjokes#sarcasm
BREAKING - The city of #Oakland will invest $2 million in license plate readers in order to encourage criminals to use stolen cars when committing crimes 👍 #nerlingersjokes#sarcasm#crime
I’d like to publicly apologize for my restaurant review of Gourmet Jalisco for describing my meal as “bland and tasteless”. Also for my review of Le Paris for describing my meal as “bland and tasteless”. As well as Freekeh Mediterranean saying their food was “bland and tasteless”. It turns out I have Covid. #nerlingersjokes