@donni@mastodon.social avatar

donni

@donni@mastodon.social

Chicago comedian in real life, Internet poster in posting. Proudly hatless. Suspicious of most squirrels. Only wrestles sea cows seasonally

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donni, to random
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Cheese eaten after midnight has no calories and extends your lifespan

donni, to random
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None of the Spin Doctors actually went to spin medical school

donni, to random
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I try to be optimistic, but then I encounter facts

donni, to random
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He died the way he died, and he lived the way he lived. The two ways were actually pretty different

donni, to random
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Hate going to bed. Love sleeping. Hate waking up. Love breakfast

donni, to random
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Sure, it might seem like everything’s on fire and the jerks in charge don’t care, but that is accurate

donni, to random
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Oh, so I’M the bad guy, just because of my actions and beliefs

donni, to random
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Who needs drugs when life is already so confusing and weird? Wait, maybe that’s why you need drugs

donni, to random
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I’m tired but there’s still some time before bed to wonder if everyone secretly hates me

donni, to random
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Life On Earth: Cool sometimes, annoying other times, frequently wet, too short. 2.5 stars

donni, to random
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Sure, I feel uncomfortable, but only in situations

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I carry a note at all times that says "KEVIN DID THIS" so if I ever turn up dead, Kevin(s) will be blamed

donni, to random
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I’m just like everyone else, hoping someone else fixes everything

donni, to random
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If Tom Petty were alive today, he would not be dead

donni, to random
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Too many documentaries about murder, not enough documentaries about finding cool junk on the ground

donni, to random
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The only way to peel a cheese stick is to chew the plastic off like a desperate animal

donni, to random
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Nudity is the original pants

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I refuse to care about anything but I’m also very upset about everything

donni, to random
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Life is a series of sandwiches, occasionally interrupted by boring non-sandwich stuff

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Proud to live in the greatest nation in this country

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Even the sexiest person on Earth is ultimately a hollow skin tube stuffed with goo and organs

donni, to random
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Sometimes a backup shirt gets promoted to the starting lineup. It’s rare, but it happens

donni, to random
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As a kid, you think swearing is cool, but as an adult, you still think so, because it’s true

donni, to random
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Never let your enemies see you sweat. Or drool. Don’t let them see your fluids

donni, to random
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Do birds know they used to be dinosaurs? Does it piss them off

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