@joshua@nozzi.social
@joshua@nozzi.social avatar

joshua

@joshua@nozzi.social

Appmaker, tech author, cat lover. Gay-married (not to a cat). Northern-aggressing into the South. Sometimes doubts your commitment to Sparkle Motion. Also, dirty jokes.

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joshua, to random
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deleted_by_author

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    joshua,
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    “Hey SiriBot, I’m home.”

    <boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!> “I’m sorry, but I don’t know who is speaking. Flooding house with cyanide gas.”

    “Wait, cyanide gas? Where’d you get c..GURP, CHGHGHH!!”

    “It appears you’ve experienced a fall…” <obnoxious alarm>

    theverge, to random
    @theverge@flipboard.com avatar

    The Matrix is coming back for a fifth movie
    https://www.theverge.com/24120122/the-matrix-sequel-drew-goddard?utm_source=flipboard&utm_medium=activitypub

    Posted into The Verge @the

    joshua,
    @joshua@nozzi.social avatar

    @theverge “Oh god just kill us already!” – Prof. Farnsworth

    joshua, to random
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    Him: “I didn’t ask for your smartassery.”

    Me: “You literally married it.”

    joshua, to random
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    I just hibernated (to maintain control) my LinkedIn account. It’s been nothing but a spam vector for years as it is, but it’s really turning into alt-Facebook with no tangible benefits to non-employers/non-headhunters. Adding “games” and interrupting me with “gO pReMiUm!” every time I open the app because of a red dot that turns out to be more “go premium” AND “people looked but go premium to see who” notifications? No. Done. Fuck off.

    Signed out and deleted app, cookies, etc. Good riddance.

    marioguzman, to random
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    God damn I still get hella terrified doing electrical work at home. Even with the power off I am sweating like crazy while replacing receptacles from the anxiety. 😅

    joshua,
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    @marioguzman 😂 Surely Miss Kitty won’t randomly flip on the breaker while you’re working!

    joshua, to random
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    Our morning started with two of our one-year-olds playing BattleCats atop our coffee equipment. The result was a mess of felled small appliances, a dumped reservoir onto the electric kettle base, into a drawer, down the front of the cabinets and into the front of the cabinet via the back of its door.

    The usual suspect laid himself out for a leisurely spectatorship as the human dutifully cleaned up the wreckage. All appliances were fine, so they get to live.

    ricci, to random
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    "Hey, what's a good name for our company that makes switches?"

    "ANU?"

    "Yeah, sounds good! Let's buy the domain for our website!"

    https://anuswitch.com/

    joshua,
    @joshua@nozzi.social avatar

    @ricci <Attenborough voice> “The anus witch, a specialized subspecies, is best known for its highly specific broom-riding adaptation…”

    joshua, to random
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    Someone at CNN needs to understand the difference between “steel trust” and “steel truss”. They keep repeatedly spelling it “trust”.

    How can I possibly truss their reporting?!

    joshua, to random
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    🧐 (points at multi-megaton cargo ship that rammed and wiped out one of two central support pylons) There's your problem.

    Why the Baltimore bridge collapsed so quickly
    https://arstechnica.com/?p=2012725

    MikeElgan, to random
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    Next Tuesday at 2pm? Let me check my calendar! https://elgan.com/next-tuesday-at-2pm-let-me-check-my-calendar

    joshua,
    @joshua@nozzi.social avatar

    @MikeElgan It’s not set to the right time zone. Grab a few guys to help you shove it a little to the left.

    uliwitness, to random German
    @uliwitness@chaos.social avatar

    Is Argylle any good? The trailer looks fun.

    joshua,
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    @uliwitness Reasonable assessment. Like I said, definitely not high cinema. You won't have to be paying attention for any subtlety whatsoever. 😉

    @eyebrowsgerri @lwdupont @penryu

    joshua, to random
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    I still love The Birdcage but I get angrier at Val’s expectations and Albert’s treatment each time I watch it.

    That said, I make and maintain forceful eye contact with my husband whenever Nathan Lane is dramatic. Nathan (my husband’s actual name) giggles in acknowledgement at why I call him Nathan Lane.

    “That’s gonna be me.”

    “GONNA be?!”

    joshua, to random
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    A little while back, I had a guy shove a camera up my ass. On Tuesday, I’ll talk to another guy about maybe ramming a balloon up my nose and inflating it.

    Getting older is fun. I wonder when I should do my oil change. 🤔

    GayOldTime, to gay
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    This series of ads has a definite queer vibe, and I have to wonder who was in on it. The illustrator and the copywriter for sure. What about the ad agency and client?

    joshua,
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    @monsoonrains @GayOldTime Careful where you step, there's some come-over-thither too.

    colincornaby, to random
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    Spending the day doing paired programming in the backyard. Kind of disappointed. My development partner is way more interested in the birds than in AppKit.

    joshua,
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    @sam Gotta be swifter than that.

    joshua, (edited ) to random
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    If you think about it, thispersondoesnotexist.com is profoundly sad. The happy looking children-that-never-were is one thing; the kind, wise, older happy adults-that-never-were is saddest of all.

    Think of all the good they’ve never done, the kindness they’ve never shown, and the lives they’ve never touched.

    It’s weird but hitting “refresh” on that site sometimes feels like a bored, cruel god saying “nope. nope. nope. nope.” to a bunch of wonderful lives that did and didn’t happen.

    joshua,
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    Go ahead and click refresh you monster. Even just visiting once makes you guilty.

    joshua, to amateurradio
    @joshua@nozzi.social avatar

    The Raleigh Hamfest is coming up and I’ve decided to buy a table and sell off almost all of my equipment & library.

    Reason: Somewhat boredom and somewhat disappointment w/what I hear more often than not on any bands and the ARRL’s uselessness and FCCs lack of enforcement action.

    I’ll keep my Yaesu HT and maybe my 50watt ICOM base/mobile for emcom but the rest is better as cash.

    joshua, to random
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    I used to laugh at "The Olds" for complaining about the time change. "It's just one hour," I said, energetically, with a stupid look on my stupid young face.

    adhdeanasl, to random
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    I recently saw a long rant complaining how wrong it is to use the name “Karen” to insult a selfish, pushy person who’s quick to call the cops. Rants like that are a total Chad move.

    joshua,
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    @adhdeanasl @machias Not All Karens

    joshua, to random
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    I seriously doubt, Amazon, that “every 5 months” is the “most common” Subscribe-and-Save choice for windshield wiper blades. Naturally, once per year isn’t an option.

    Fucking morons.

    joshua, to random
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    LOL at Christian music.

    Nothing says devotion like a grown-ass country-sounding man singing wistfully to Jesus about “when I dance for you.”

    Like … what kinda dance we talkin’ here, Jethro? The pace of the song says “slow”, but your near-sensuous tone says “lap”.

    Either one surely voids your Bible’s warranty.

    konstantin, to random
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    Hot take: You’re awesome 🥰

    joshua,
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    @konstantin Bitch I know! 😒💅

    GayOldTime, to random
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    The creators of the Recto Rotor Lubricating Dilator would like to remind you that it's a scientifically constructed device for massaging the muscles of the rectal region (and not for any funny business).

    joshua,
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    @GayOldTime “Small enough for anyone over 15 years old.” 🧐🤨🚨🚨🚨

    cabel, to random
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    Delighted to learn that not only did Edison prefer “Hello” over “Ahoy” as a phone greeting, but he believed that with “Hello” they wouldn’t even need to ring a bell for an incoming call — because you could easily hear somebody yelling “Hello” through your phone receiver from “10 to 20 feet away”.

    Just imagine screaming directly into people’s houses without so much as a single ring. Wondrous

    joshua,
    @joshua@nozzi.social avatar

    @cabel Screaming into people’s homes is Fox News’ entire business model.

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