@juanejot@beige.party
@juanejot@beige.party avatar

juanejot

@juanejot@beige.party

Linux, biology & sci-fi nerd, father, thinks he's funny. 🙄

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

I borrowed and subsequently misplaced a cutting tool from Dwayne Johnson during craft class.

I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.

juanejot,
@juanejot@beige.party avatar

@dgar That must have raised an eyebrow.

Alice, to random
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Oh shit wait does this mean LobsterFest '24 was cancelled?

juanejot,
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@Alice They heard how you treated the shrimp cocktail.

juanejot, to random
@juanejot@beige.party avatar

“Golmek yelmoy garren?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Sorry. I just ported in from an adjacent dimension, and my communicator hadn’t finished booting up yet. I said, ‘How are today’s soups?’”
“Sir, this is a Wendy’s. As such, the chili is pretty good.”
“And the orange creamsicle frosty soup?”
“Get out.”
“What? I just mean to dip my fries in it.”
(The employee visibly reaches for the silent alarm. Prices on the displays behind them waver, then soar.)

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice The ride the plaza she works in is closing, so she has to have corporate reassign her.

    It’s an old code, ser. But it checks out.

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    I know my name seems Swedish, but it's just because I was conceived in an IKEA.

    juanejot, (edited )
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice “Oh, lyook…,” says Marta, the cleaning lady from Skökenkräğen, “They sure lyeft all yaround, a lyot of Kvãlm!”

    the_etrain, to random
    @the_etrain@beige.party avatar

    Me: Hey AI, make some hardcore porn.

    AI: Sure thing! How many dicks should the man have? I'm thinking 5ish.

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @the_etrain The rule is 34.

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    ATTN: If you plan to attend the Mastodon meetup at the Tampa Marriott this weekend and you are a VIP attendee, please ensure you bring your official VIP lanyard or else you risk being denied access to the VIP soup bar.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice Oh, I was just going to wear my lanyard to the LAN party in the yard.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice (Carefully rearranges placement of the word “just.”)

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice I’ll look forward to you faxing them over!

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice On second thought, I’m not sure I can receive a fax on my party line; I’ll have to ask the operator.

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    My pee is so clear that I’m pretty sure I just beat the final boss in Scientology.

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice Congratulations, you’re an Operating Peetan.

    RickiTarr, to random
    @RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

    Y'all, I like all the Treks, I can't deal with your fighting, please think of the children.

    juanejot,
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    @RickiTarr I too love all the Treks; it takes a galaxy.
    I’m just wondering when the timelines will get as obscured as in that early oughts low-budget sci-fi thriller we all forgot but are going “Oh, YEAH!” about, in unison.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primer_(film)

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @RickiTarr From XKCD, note the lower right.

    https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/movie_narrative_charts.png

    dannotdaniel, to HashtagGames
    @dannotdaniel@mastodon.social avatar

    All the President's REM


    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @dannotdaniel Twelve Angry REM

    StefanThinks, to random
    @StefanThinks@beige.party avatar
    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @StefanThinks Oh, I thought you said “wifeless charger.”

    juanejot, to random
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    Did Andrew Garfield not get a reading?

    juanejot, to random
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    With the kids already using “preppy” differently than we used to anyway, we may as well strongly steer the meaning of the word towards describing preppers.

    Some examples:
    “That paletteful of Vienna sausages and shelf-stable milk you got at the estate sale is soo PREPPEH!”
    “That crank-driven portable ham radio with the cuh    YOOT strap is PREPPEH!”
    “I love, Love, LOVE the ghillie suit! Just needs a little ‘je ne sais pas où il a disparu’ to be PREPPEH!”
    …ad finem

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    Bill Gates named his company after his penis and nobody even flinched.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice Well, Steve Ballmer did. And sweat a lot. But only because he was trying to enlist someone to help Bill… develop.

    Alice, to random
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    I bet Charmin only uses those weird bears because they couldn't get the rights to Beavis.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice I feel threatened.

    Alice, to random
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    I’m the worst speller this side of the Missippi.

    juanejot,
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    @Alice Miss, I try not to spell while I’m pe*ing. Well, unless it’s into the snow.

    Alice, (edited ) to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    Plastic
    Metal
    Water
    Hat
    Head
    KFC
    Ice
    Champagne
    Paint

    Don’t mind me, just working on my bucket list.

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice Naptime, for Changelings

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    404 art thou Romeo?

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice But soft, what light through yonder [broken pipe exception.]

    juanejot, to random
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    One reason we fear aliens: We assume “Take me to your leader” means “Let me speak to your manager.”

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    All of my jokes are boner jokes if you look hard enough.

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice Flip that “b” to a “d,” and you’ll be wondering what’s so funny about doner kebab… AND be hungry!

    Alice, to random
    @Alice@beige.party avatar

    My stripper name is Möbius.

    juanejot,
    @juanejot@beige.party avatar

    @Alice Wouldn’t that be your contortionist name?

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